Does Glenn Beck Really Murder Kittens?
There is a new urban legend about right wing godsend Glenn Beck. The guy who’s assumes all Muslims are “working with the enemy,”
and doesn’t have any black friends because he’s scared that he might offend them,
also has been rumored to own and play a katzenklavier.
A katzenklavier is a musical instrument theoretically invented by psychologist Johann Christian Reil to capture the focus of patients who were unable to focus. It was an organ without any strings but rather a line of cats that are hit with hammers when notes are played. The cats are to be placed in order so that their screams sound like the notes they are supposed to represent. It’s an awful invention that supposedly never came to fruition, but new evidence has come to light revealing that the darling child of the fairest and balencest news station has created one to focus himself better.
As with all of my forays into urban legends, I will look for motivation. I understand that G.Beck is in need of more focus lately as he attempts to be the impossible mix of Ronald Reagan, Martin Luther King Jr, Thomas Jefferson, and Ayn Rand. I say impossible not because it seems like a lot of work, but rather because the philosophies of these people are so diametrically opposed that combining them would result in gibberish on PCP. He sees this as possible, so I understand his necessity to focus. He is rallying his teabaggers, he is comparing himself to MLK Jr., he is hosting a radio and TV show. This man does a lot. A LOT. I get it. He needs to focus.
Now I will look to see if he would have a problem with harming kittens for his own pleasure. Though there is no evidence that he hates felines, he does enjoying making light of kittens in harm.
You may say that in this clip he was simply poking fun at the balloon boy fiasco, but if he was, why wasn’t he funny? Why didn’t he satirize it in a way that was at least vaguely interesting? I don’t buy it. If I were to cheaply make fun of something that everybody had already made fun of, I would make it worthwhile to listen to, but he did not. I think he just hates cats.
So, does Glenn Beck torture kittens in a musical instrument in order to focus himself better? As with most urban legends, there is no definite answer, but I hesitate to say “no.” Instead I propose that we ask Glenn Beck to defend himself. I can be contacted at this blog, and if Beckaroosie has any defense against these claims, I’d like to hear them. If what I’m saying is not true, please correct me, but as of now, I am saying that this urban legend stays open for debate.
We must continue to question our media leaders, and if I’m such a criminal for asking questions, then I want to be in jail with all the other people willing to demand answers from society.
Also, how’s this for evidence:
Glenn Beck played off by Keyboard Cat
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