Sleepy Clarence Thomas Asks Other Justices to “Try to Keep it Down”

Annoyed at being awakened during his nap this morning, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas lifted his head from the bench and asked his fellow jurists to “try to keep it down” during oral arguments. The justices, discussing the constitutionality of the Voting Rights Act at the time, were surprised to hear the famously reticent Thomas speak up.

“At least he said something,” Justice Sonia Sotomayor said.

Thomas later spoke with reporters to express his frustration. “It’s fine if they want to gab on and on,” said Thomas, who was appointed to the nation’s highest court by President George Bush in 1991. “I just wish they’d be a little more respectful to those of us who don’t give a flying fuck.”

Thomas, who has recently taken to bringing a pillow to the court, said that if things don’t get better, he may experiment with wearing ear plugs.