Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart Finally Have Sex Scene, Depressed People Excited

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are going to finally have sex in the new Breaking Dawn, the latest installment in the Twilight Saga. There’s even a picture of it on the internet. Great. Only in the cinematic climate of the 21st Century can the Hollywood machine make a blockbuster series, based around a couple with no chemistry, that don’t even have sex for three full-length films.

No sex. No chemistry. Sounds like middle school.

Which is fitting, because I feel like the only people who should be able to enjoy these films are middle school girls. But…surprise! Adults go to these movies! Am I the only person that finds this shocking?

Regrettably I’ve seen Twilight and Eclipse (girlfriend but it’s really no excuse), so I’m aware that Robert Pattinson is ashamed he’s in these movies. You can tell by the way he stares awkwardly at Kristen Stewart and quivers his lips that he’s feeling shame, not love.

The fundamental problem with the Twilight Saga though is not just the mediocre acting. It’s the idea that vampires are attractive creatures. Has anyone seen Nosferatu? Vampire romance books have unfortunately been around for some time. I see plenty of them when I go to laugh at the romance section at my locals Borders.

But the fact that an unremarkable series of them took off to become the Twilight craze doesn’t make any sense. But then again, does anything really make sense when people care about the guy from Motley Crue that didn’t shtup Pam Anderson? Oy vey.

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