Kim Kardashian Bigger Than Kim Jong-Il: How the Karadshians Define This Millenium

To highlight the absurdity of our times I’m going to have a conversation with my friend Dave. Dave’s been cryogenically frozen since 1998. I’m almost tempted to let him stay frozen but he specifically requested to be woken up right before the world was about to end. I figure this is as good a time as any to anticipate the Second Coming and Armageddon. I mean, if a former vice presidential nominee/prospective presidential candidate has her own fishing show anything’s possible right? Anyway let’s talk to Dave.

“Hi Dave.”

“Hey Sam.” After several awkward moments pass Dave and I catch eyes somewhat romantically and he gives me an earnest look. “So…what’s the biggest thing to happen since I was frozen?”One might think I’d tell Dave about 9/11, George W. Bush, the war in Iraq, or the first black president. But I look Dave square in the eyes choking back a combination of laughter and tears and say, “the Kardashians.”

“What?”

“Well remember O.J. Simpson’s lawyer Robert Kardashian?”

“Not really.”

“He had a daughter who made a sex tape with Brandy’s younger brother.”

“That sounds somewhat obscure. What was remarkable about the video? Is Kardashian’s daughter remarkably hot?”

“She has a relatively big ass.”

“How big?”

“Just big enough that it’s socially acceptable for white guys to openly appreciate it.”

“Oh, I see. But that doesn’t explain…how is a sex tape made by relatives of public figures the biggest thing to happen since 1998?”

“Well it’s not just the sex tape. Because of the sex tape, the entire family has their own reality show.”

“That’s embarrassing. Why would the family want that attention?”

“I guess they have no shame. The mom’s the sex tape daughter’s agent.”