The family that Kegels together, stays together.
In this episode of ‘Kardashians’, Kris Jenner pisses all over the place. She first wets herself when trying to be a k00l mom and attempting to jump rope with her daughter in their home’s foyer. Khloe thinks that the moving ropes are really complex, but it just makes Kris Sr. pee herself. We’re informed that Kris Sr. has “a history of peeing her pants” and that quite often she smells like a pee pad.
It always seems to be dinnertime at the Jenner house and in an effort to gain some airtime, Kylie the non-model daughter decides to sit on top of urine-stained Kris Sr. and eventually falls to the ground. She would sooo rather be at the movies with her friends right now! Kendall also poo-poos her dinner and Kylie rolls out.
Kris Sr. goes shopping with Kourtney and Khloe and Kris Sr. has to pee AGAIN! ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT DAY! Khloe makes jokes about the color yellow and pregnant ladies and Kris Sr. is just so embarrassed! “There are customers trying on clothes and they don’t know me!” she whispers. The thing is, Kris Sr., they do know you! They’re currently tweeting all about your bladder! The girls keep pushing their mother to go to the doctor but Kris Sr. holds out because doctors don’t know anything about bladders or medical conditions.
Bruce goes to the helipark to fly his toy helicopter and inspire children. He realizes that Kendall and Kylie haven’t even seen him fly his helicopter! He then gets a phone call from his credit card company and finds out that his bitch daughters stole his card again. He abandons his helicopter and goes home to yell at his daughters. Of course they don’t really give a shit.
This episode is the first time this season that we actually see Kylie’s personality and she’s just not the less attractive sister lurking behind Kendall. While Kendall’s more of a Kim, Kylie’s more of a mini-Khloe…hopefully they’ll both also marry hot basketball players.
18 foot tall basketball Kris takes Kim down a strange trail in Malibu and demands she take off her shoes. He leads her to a cliff and two beautiful people kiss in front of the beautiful ocean. Blah.
Kris Sr., Bruce, Khloe, Kourtney, and Scott go out to eat at a strip mall Indian restaurant and Kris Sr. remembers the time that she and Bruce made a sex tape in the 90s. Like mother, like daughter. So far it is unknown if it included a golden shower.
As they near the end of their meal, Kris Sr. has to pee but that is NOT okay with Khloe. Khloe refuses to move to let Kris Sr. out so they begin to yell at hit each other. Kris Sr. is so pissed that after she wipes the pee out of her pants she and Bruce leave without saying a word.
Post-pee debacle, Kim and Kourtney meet Kris Sr. and Bruce for lunch. Kourtney asks her mother if she’s made a doctor appointment for her leaky vag. Kris Sr. is pissed and so embarrassed by the Indian restaurant mishap that she isn’t even speaking to Khloe.
“Who cares if you have a leaky vagina?” says Kim.
They then change the topic of their conversation to something slightly less important: poverty. Bruce doesn’t think that Kendall and Kylie appreciate their lavish lifestyle and wants to take them to a homeless shelter. Kim wants to go but quickly reminds everyone that she’s busy and can’t go. Kourtney wants to go and actually will since she’s less popular.
Kourtney goes with her mother to the doctor to have her leaky vagina checked out. While in the waiting room Kris Sr. realizes that she’s actually old and cries.
Her doctor tells her that menopause and having a stretched vagina is causing her bladder problems. “Do you do Kegel exercises?” he asks. She LOLs until the doctor shoves his fist up her vag and asks her to do a Kegel. He thinks that it’s a pretty weak attempt and that this might be the answer to her problems.
“I have not stopped doing Kegel exercises since we left the doctor’s office…I’m doing them right now” she remarks as she drives home. Kourtney joins her in the exercise. “The family that Kegels together, stays together.”
Bruce takes the girls to volunteer at a homeless shelter on Skid Row. The girls are nervous at first, rudely washing their hands 20 times, but then they warm up and bond with a girl who lives at the shelter. They begin to serve food and the girl they befriended shows them the room that she shares with her family. As the girls spend the day at the shelter their hearts are changed and they realize that they are sometimes bitches. In a nice gesture they even exchange phone numbers with the girl they met, although they probably never texted her back.
Kris finally buys some pee pads so she isn’t covered in piss all the time and guess what! She also got an endorsement deal! The fabbbulous deal makes her the blurred-out pee pads’ new spokesperson!
“Now you can squirt all night and day!” screams Khloe. (This is why Khloe wasn’t hired as a spokesperson.)
The girls stick the pads on her back and lawl until they piss themselves.
Next on ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’: Kris Sr. wants to spend some more time with Kendall and Kylie and thinks the best way to do so is to dance with them. Scott’s hosting a party in Vegas and there’s alcohol everywhere! Kourtney’s nervous and rightfully so, Scott will probably get wasted and severely injure some people.
More ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ Recaps:
Alex Hughes
Alex Hughes was born in the Bible Belt and moved to New York City to study. He is an editorial assistant. Follow him on Twitter @TheAlexHughes. He can be contacted at: alex@thefastertimes.com ...
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