16 & Pregnant (Season 3 Episode 2): Hit Me with Your Best Shot
Hello my dear readers! We are now on the second episode of MTV’s third season of 16 & Pregnant, and you are either reading this because you’re biding your time until someone posts the Glee “Born This Way” recap, or last week you found me entertaining enough to return for round two. If it is the latter, I thank you…the former? Well hold on to your sheet music because this week was crazy!
We head to Tampa, Florida this week to meet 16-year-old Jennifer (note: I was very excited this episode took place in Florida—my old stomping grounds—and although we were on the Gulf side, I was excited to see some palm trees for an hour.) Jennifer lives at home with her mom, dad, and little brother Antonio. Jennifer’s mom is also named Jennifer/Jenny so to avoid confusion I will be referring to Jennifer’s mom as “Mama J” for the duration of this recap. Jennifer’s boyfriend, and soon to be baby-daddy, is named Josh and he looks like he’s going to be the first dirt bag dad of the season. And to make everything a whole lot more exciting, Jenny and Josh are having TWINS!
Josh starts the show on the right foot, presenting Jenny with brand new car seats and a crib in his bedroom before taking her to an indoor putt-putt place (why an indoor one, I don’t know.) They take a break from mini-golf to talk about their future as parents. Jenny reveals her anxieties about having not one, but two babies she hadn’t planned on. Josh revels that the reason he lied about not having money to buy prophylactics was because, “It’s awkward to go in and buy condoms!” Well not as awkward as it is to walk around your high school with two babies, but hey—Josh is clearly an idiot. Let’s hope that Jenny was Josh’s first sexual partner because who knows how many other girls he knocked up with that excuse.
To make things even more confusing for me, Jenny and Josh are having fraternal twin boys name Noah and Josh Junior. To avoid the same kind of confusion we could suffer with Jenny and Mama J, I will refer to Josh as Josh (or Dirt Bag Josh, as I assume he will, in fact, be a dirt bag), and Baby Josh Junior as JJ. I will also refrain from comparing this week’s Noah with the adorable Noah from week one whom I already miss, (can we get more creative with the names, ladies?) Rico and Mama J are pissed that they are naming one of the babies after Josh, and that Jenny is planning on giving the babies Josh’s last name. They try to explain to Jenny that he didn’t earn it but she is 16 and isn’t listening. Mama J and Rico are a little overbearing, but they’re also right (cue my obligatory finger-wagging.) Josh and Jenny go to Beef O’Bradys—a Florida chain restaurant that serves fried things in plastic baskets and probably has license plates and/or a giant Marlin on the wall—to talk about Josh’s issues with Mama J and Rico. As to be expected, Josh is an ass and calls Mama J and Rico names. He tells Jenny they will never get along and basically gives her the ultimatum of “them or me.” This clearly won’t end well.
Jenny sits with her parents and eats popsicles on their back patio, and complains about how she’s ready to start school. Josh picks her up for her doctor’s appointment where the nurse shows Josh and Jenny the ultrasound and urges them to have a baby shower because “twins are a lot of work.” Thank you nurse, truly insightful. Josh’s parents take them to dinner at Bucca di Beppo—another Florida chain restaurant but this one is Italian food and has pictures of Frank Sinatra on the wall—and they offer to throw a baby shower for Jenny. I can only guess how Mama J and Rico will feel about this, but who says no to free diapers? Mama J and Rico get their invite in the mail. It’s a “tasteful” photo-shopped photo of Jenny’s belly (yes, just the belly) floating on a teal background with some baby clip-art. Mama J says she “wants to do something on this side of the family” and both Rico and Mama J shoot down the invitation. Jenny is sad but you can’t really tell because for some reason she doesn’t have any eyebrows. The baby shower involves cookie cakes and chicken wings and something called a “chocolate eruption.” No one from Jenny’s family shows up but she does get lots of diapers.
Finally it’s time for Jenny to go back to school. She’s stoked! Well actually she was two weeks ago, now she’s complaining but I’m sure carrying twins around when you’re 16 and weighed 90 pounds pre-pregnancy is painful. MTV does one of their cutesy animated notebook drawings of Jenny not being able to fit in her desk at school, and all the kids whispering about her as she sits alone at lunch. Mama J and Antonio pick her up from school and Antonio is still the cutest little brother ever and asks her how her day was and is excited to see her. Mama J actually asks Jenny if “anyone at school asked about the pregnancy” as though she has totally forgotten what high school is like.
Josh is taking Jenny out for their 1-year anniversary to a place called Circles Bar & Grill, which I don’t think is a chain but probably may as well be. Dirt bag Josh decides that this is the moment to propose to his 16-year-old baby mama and I’m keeping my opinion of the ring to myself. Jenny has to break the news to Mama J who is PISSED (Mama J has eyebrows so you can really tell when she’s angry.) Mama J makes Josh walk her through why he is proposing, he thinks they’re ready and Mama J definitely thinks he’s a moron. I tend to agree with Mom. I don’t want to be here when Rico finds out. The next morning Rico calls Jenny in and I feel like his hair is getting grayer and grayer as this episode goes on. Rico is calmer than Mama J but tells her to slow down and wait until after the babies come before they worry about getting married. Good call Dad! Jenny goes to Panera Bread—you guessed it, chain sandwich shop—with her friend Ashley.
The night before Jenny’s C-section, she tries to smooth things over between Josh and her parents but Josh won’t budge. She asks him, “why do you want to marry someone whose family you don’t get along with?” Josh replies, “I have to like your family to marry you?” Josh sucks.
It’s C-section day! Mama J, Rico, and Josh all aren’t speaking but they are riding to the hospital together anyway. Awkward. Everyone is nervous and supportive except Josh who is kind of just loafing around being useless. Noah and JJ are born with all ten fingers and toes (each) and everyone is doing great. Mama J and Rico come in and everyone seems to be getting along. Maybe these babies will bring these people together? I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Mama J and Rico are heartbroken that Jenny has elected to give the babies Josh’s last name. Man they REALLY hate Josh and I don’t really blame them, but I don’t know if Mama J needs to cry over it like this. I don’t know, maybe when my 16-year-old daughter gets pregnant I’ll understand. Gulp.
When it’s time to leave the hospital Jenny decides she wants to go back home with Josh and the babies and decides to ask Mama J if that’s cool. Mama J tells Josh he can’t be disrespectful and this turns into a screaming match where Josh declares that the kids aren’t hers and he doesn’t have to do anything she says. I guess the babies didn’t bring anyone together. Jenny is crying and I feel really awful for her that Josh won’t even try to keep the peace. Josh’s bad attitude is starting to give me a rash. Josh is wearing one of those cheesy, misanthropic, t-shirts that they sell at Hot Topic and I hate him even more. Mama J and Rico let Josh come home with them and Josh stands around while Rico, Mama J and even baby bro Antonio help Jenny into bed. Antonio is so amazing and he holds his sister up on one side as they walk her into her room and his kisses her on the cheek while she’s crying from the post-surgical pains. I love Antonio! Ugh, Josh is moving like a tree sloth and not really doing anything useful. Jenny’s friends and family come over to see the babies (mostly aunts, she has like eighty-seven of them) and Mama J brings Josh and Jenny huge plates of food to eat in bed. Jenny asks Josh how he feels being here (and FYI: Rico and Mama J are being NOTHING but nice to him) and he tells Jenny they should go stay with his parents. Jenny says “we’ll see” and Josh gets up, hands baby Noah to Antonio and says, “whatever. I’m leaving.” Exit dirt bag Josh. Thank fucking God.
Josh goes and meets his brother at Dairy Queen—yeah—and doesn’t text Jenny until the next day, only to tell her he’s not coming back unless Mama J and Rico aren’t there. What is this dude’s problem? Mama J and Rico, who I’m sure are ecstatic that Josh is gone, volunteer to help Jenny take care of the twinsies but I’m pretty sure Jenny isn’t sleeping at all. A week later, and totally exhausted, Jenny breaks down and calls Dirt Bag Josh to come pick up her and the babies to go to his house and “figure it out.” Now here’s where it gets good: Mama J calls Jenny, Jenny picks up which—according to Dirt Bag Josh—is disrespectful of her since they are riding in the car together, I clearly was absent that day in etiquette class. Now Josh turns on the rage, accuses Jenny of letting her parents run her life and “wipe her own ass for her too.” Jenny stands up for herself and her family, reminding Josh that she has been the one taking care of Noah and JJ all week. Josh rebuts that he took care of them the day they were born (because he’s an idiot). They bicker, Jenny tells Josh to take her home and he slams on the gas (in the rain…with the babies in the car) and calls her a “stupid-ass bitch.” He then proceeds to pull over, throw Jenny out of the car and speed off with two sleeping infants in the back seat. I’m pretty sure he may have hit her too. Jenny calls FHP (Florida Highway Patrol) from her cell phone and hangs out in the rain on the side of the road with the camera crew.
Jenny calls Mama J before Josh circles back around. I am unsure what’s going on here, if Josh is trying to just drop the babies off with Jenny or if he was trying to go pick her up. Maybe the babies were crying and he realized he has no effing clue how to be a dad, maybe he knew babies would cut into his stupid t-shirt buying time. Either way they get physical with each other. Josh picks up Jenny aggressively to get her away from the car, she starts pound on his chest with her fists, clearly in pain from being manhandled before her C-section has healed. Jenny calls the cops again and Josh unloads the babies and slams doors. Mama J shows up, calls josh an idiot and he calls her a stupid bitch. Mama J almost loses it when she hears that Josh threw Jenny from a moving vehicle. The police show up and take Josh away. Hal-le-lujah!
Josh is only in jail for a day and then calls Jenny incessantly. Thankfully Jenny isn’t answering and she has super strong support system in her awesome family. I think even baby bro Antonio would be a better teen dad than Josh. The show ends with Jenny confessing how wrong she’s been about Dirt Bag Josh and shares her fears about the long road ahead. Stay strong Jenny, hopefully MTV will throw you some money.
TEEN MOM APPEAL: I think that Jenny is definitely in the running for being one of the next Teen Moms. She’s got twins, she’s got a crazy boyfriend (who I’m sure isn’t out of the picture yet) and she definitely got a little feisty on the side of the road there (Janelle in training?) Plus if MTV gives her a big enough check to sign up I’m sure she can’t say no…twins are expensive.
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