‘Glee’ Recap (Season 2 Episode 15): Sexy Time, Very Nice (LISTEN)
Gleeks getting laid? Sweet Lord have mercy, say it isn’t so.
But it is, dear reader. It is. Take a moment to wash out the soap you surely tossed into your eyes at the thought of having to see Frankenteen’s lily white ass bouncing up and down during a sex scene with Quinn, and listen here. You see, having tackled alcoholism in the last episode, Ryan Murphy has now set his sights on the birds and the bees for Glee‘s second Very Special Episode in three weeks. And, while the hour did get a little too After-School Special at times in its depiction of teenage sexuality, it was, nevertheless, incredibly comprehensive and enjoyable to boot.
Plus, Gwyneth Paltrow came back, which is always good for a ratings boost as Season 2 heads into the home stretch.
Yes indeed, Holly Holiday has returned for a multi-episode romance arc with Schuester, to which the only logical response is, “well, duh.” Not to mention, “for how long?” But I’m getting ahead of myself.
We begin with Brittany – poor, sweet Brittany – who sees a stork’s nest outside her window and believes she’s got a bun in the oven as a result, convincing Schuester the Gleeks need some sex education to go along with their prep for Regionals. Enter Holly, who’s subbing as the sex ed teacher and, being kind of a floozy, is the perfect mentor to these sexually confused kids. Because it’s not like the entire point of her first episode was that Holly was very fun to be around but not well equipped at all to deal with serious issues. No, that never happened.
Anyway, Holly posits that Schuester (who is all hubba-hubba-hubba the second she shows up, BTW) trick his kids into learning about sex subliminally, via the songs they sing in Glee Club. Which means, in a school full of teachers nobody can think of a better way to teach anything than by having someone freaking SING IT. Good Lord.
What happens next is kind of convoluted, given that there are about five or six different sexually-fueled subplots involved. Chief among them, as far as continuity goes, is that Santana and Brittany address their quasi-lesbian hookups and Santana comes to the conclusion (in a wonderful, wonderful scene, it’s got to be said) that she’s in love with Brit-Brit. Brittany, for her part, loves Santana too … but she loves Artie more. Santana, needless to say, is not happy, and the two end on iffy terms at best.
Meanwhile, Puck and Lauren resolve to make themselves a sex tape in order to achieve instant celebrity at the school. So I guess they’re really serious with this Puck/Lauren thing, huh? Kudos for going there, I guess, but I’m still not buying it. Not that they don’t make a funny pair. It just…it’s high school; people are vicious. The whole thing seems a stretch, even in this black hole of an alternate world that Glee seems to take place in.
Ahem. Aaaaanyway, they want to smush on camera. Holly picks that exact moment to be useful and remind them that, as minors (Bullshit! Mark Salling is at least 25.), such a film, while undoubtedly a milestone of sorts in erotic entertainment, would also be illegal. Puckerman, fearing incarceration for the first time ever, decides to join the Celibacy Club (previously comprising of Emma, Rachel and Quinn) to help keep the snake in its cage.
Also, Emma’s dirty little secret – despite having been married to The Stamos for four months, they still haven’t consummated the union yet – comes out and The Stamos, for some reason, decides to ask Holly for marriage advice. How dumb is he? Holly, for reasons I can’t quite fathom, makes Emma confess IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND that she’s still in love with Schuester. The Stamos is shaken but keeps his composure as he leaves, and then Holly makes fun of Emma. Wow, she really does suck.
Although, maybe it’s just Holly’s way of gloating. Because, after a whole episode of shimmering sexual tension (not to mention four months of teasing by Murphy), she and Schuester decide to date each other. “Maybe it’s time I learn something about romance,” she purrs. “I happen to be an excellent teacher,” Schuester replies all sexy-like. No. No, he’s not. This will end awfully.
Oh, the B-plots: Finn, Quinn, and Quinn’s ridiculously coiffured hair are back together, but Rachel still loves Finn. Sue’s trying to rig Regionals by feeding intel on the Gleeks to the Warblers, and Blaine politely browbeats Kurt’s dad into having the sex talk with his son. Which, of course, Kurt’s dad handles wonderfully because no matter what craziness befalls this show, Mike O’Malley will still be its ace in the hole.
God, I hope I didn’t jinx it just there.
Joan Jett and The Blackhearts; “Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)”: God help me, but this is sexy. Gwyneth’s big return is no “Fuck You!” but it sure is entertaining, although her vocals seem oddly subdued trying to imitate Joan Jett’s voice. It seems like they’re trying too hard to make this as ‘80s as possible, but it’s fun nonetheless. Besides, the humor is in the performance, where Gwyneth’s leather jackets and gyrations all but send Schuester into heat on the spot. B
Neon Trees; “Animal”: Our Warblers number for the night. This is supposed to be their big sex-appeal song, which is a problem because this song has all the sex appeal of the Easter Bunny. But it’s appropriate in that kind of dorky, Warblers way, and besides, as is the norm with this crew, they completely crush it. A
Prince; “Kiss”: Wow, Matthew Morrison’s falsetto is….erm, strong. Let’s call it that.. In other news, this cover is pretty great. There’s nothing that brings anything particularly new to the song (shame), but the harmonies add some nice depth to the Purple One’s classic, and the chemistry between Morrison and Paltrow is palpable. Nicely done, guys. B+
Fleetwood Mac; “Landslide”: This is supposed to be Brittany and Santana’s coming-out song (or something), with Gwyneth playing third wheel on the vocals. Not getting the connection, but the cover is nice and sparse, with lovely harmonies by the ladies and pleasant, subtle production on the backing band. The one downside is that the song sounds exactly like the Dixie Chicks version, which is probably the point. A little too safe to be perfect, but it sounds good all the same. A-
Starland Vocal Band; “Afternoon Delight”: Thinking this song’s about fireworks and a desert called Afternoon Delight, poor Emma picks this as the Celibacy Club’s theme song. I’ve gotta say, first and foremost, that this performance is absolutely hilarious, with the Celibacy Crew (plus The Stamos) donning these wholesome, apple-pie-eatin’ prairie gowns. That said, the cover is pretty impressive as well. I mean, it’s as goofy as they come, but these dorks certainly give it their all. They won’t be dethroning Ron Burgundy anytime soon, but there’s something to be said for trying. A-
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