I wonder what Chuck’s personal tailor thinks about all of these purple suits he keeps ordering?
Between designer labels and guest star love interests, tonight’s Gossip Girl provided near everything it’s famous for. Blair secured a managerial position at fashion magazine “W” with uncanny brevity, Chuck manipulated his way into a woman’s heart while dressing like Oscar Wilde, and Serena and Dan displayed their usual competitive naivete. And that barely scratches the surface! Another wild web of sex, dishonesty, convoluted stratagems and expensive clothes color what is honestly a pretty typical episode of the CW’s hit drama.
The episode more or less revolves around a party that the magazine Blair works for is throwing for some reason or another. Deducing that her boss is stressed, and therefore obviously needs to get laid, Blair schemes to hook her up with her ex-boyfriend, Nate Archibald. I wonder if the writers intentionally have every plotline involving Nate either be about his family’s shadiness or him prostituting himself somehow? A reference is made to the middle aged English aristocrat who paid him for sex in season 2, at any rate. Nate’s Dad isn’t in this episode, though, so he’s left to be sexually exploited for Blair’s careerist prospects. The very thing that Blair dumped Chuck over in a fit of moral outrage last season, I believe. Speaking of Blair’s ethical hypocrisy and karmic escape artistry, despite almost ruining her employer’s party, she gets promoted when her high strung boss quits to run away with some unseen Englishman, rendering Nate’s presence in this episode even more pointless than I initially surmised.
Blair is not the only narcissistic yuppie to get rewarded for foul behavior, though, because Chuck Bass features significantly in this episode. Still trying to prevent his company from being seized by Russell Thorpe, Chuck elects to win the heart of Raina’s daughter, which kind of displays a startling misunderstanding as to the actual mechanics of business. Chuck’s romantic ability is on about the same level as his business acumen, though, because he decides to do this by bonding with Raina over how they both grew up in hotels. She falls for it, of course, because the characters on this show fall in love very, very easily (and I haven’t even gotten to the Dan and Serena plot yet…), only to find out about Chuck’s deceit. She’s hurt, but forgives him when Blair calls her offscreen to tell her that Chuck meant all of his blatant lies from earlier in the episode. It’s unclear as to why Blair would do this, or why Raina would believe her, but it looks like Chuck’s new love interest will be a bit more permanent. Not too permanent, though, because people fall out of love as quickly as they fall in it on Gossip Girl.
Meanwhile, the subplot with Serena’s uncomfortable romantic tension with Ben, her teacher that went to prison for statutorily raping her. He didn’t do it, but her brother Eric and his drug dealer/BFF Damian don’t want him around anymore. Ben is also Dan’s new roommate, for plot reasons that don’t really make very much sense at all. Dan, torn between all of the life lessons the show has handed him about trusting the people he loves, and his more practical experience with Serena’s stupidity and impulsiveness, inevitably decides to join a conspiracy consisting of a gay teenager and drug dealer/Christian Bale lookalike. Ben almost goes back to prison, but is saved last minute by Dan’s change of heart, prompted by Eric’s unhappiness at finding out that an amoral felon doesn’t want to be his friend. Dan insists that Ben remain his roommate, and Ben shows his gratitude by making out with Dan’s ex-girlfriend.
The episode concludes with Eric pouting and bonding with Rufus while Dan and Nate tell Damian’s Dad that his son is much closer to Christian Bale in American Psycho than he is Christian Bale in The Dark Knight. Damian’s Dad is, apparently, inclined to believe two exceedingly pretty young men he’s never met, and Damian is cut off. It’s not entirely clear why a drug dealer who caters exclusively to rich kids needs his Dad’s financial support…or, why he needs to deal drugs if he has his Dad’s support in the first place, but we’re not left to meditate on it, as the episode ends here.
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Maxwell Wassmann
Maxwell Wassmann is a dandy and bad poet living in the Detroit area. When not polishing his boots with champagne or reading books he barely understands to look impressive, Maxwell can be found overdosing on caffeine while imitating Don Draper’s affectation. His hobbies include ...
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