Sarah Palin’s Alaska: An Annotated Travel Guide

“Progressing”* the great state of Alaska with a guide to some of the Palin family’s favorite haunts.

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Dillingham: Where Palin retreated after bailing on her job. And where she was when she said, in autobiography-in-the-making terms: “Everything changed in Alaska politics on August 29. That was the day I was tapped to run for Vice President of the United States. It was quite clear that nothing would ever be the same.”

Soldotna: Where the First Dude practices for the Iron Dog (that’s the snowmobiling championships, duh). Also where the First Dude was when he told a writer for Men’s Journal: “All I have to say about the campaign is, it was awesome, okay?”

Jim Creek: Where Sarah Palin’s ex-brother-in-law Mike Wooten – the trooper in Troopergate – illegally shot a moose. This was before he was disciplined for Tasering his 11-year-old stepson and busted for drinking beer in his squad car, and while he was married to Palin’s sister.

Bristol Bay: Okay, okay, you’re thinking about Levi Johnston’s baby momma. Wrong. Bristol Bay is where Sarah Palin worked as a waitress. Bristol, Connecticut, the home of ESPN (keeper of Palin’s dream job: sportscaster) is really what the daughter is named for, Palin revealed in an interview with Esquire magazine. After all, sports reign supreme in Palin’s world. “Everything I’ve ever needed to know I learned through sports,” she said.

Nushagak River: Body of water Palin randomly referred to while stumbling through the question of what she’ll do once she’s hightailed it out of the governor’s office. “I can’t predict what the next fish run’s gonna look like down on the Nushagak [River]. So I certainly can’t predict what’s gonna happen in the next couple of years,” she told ABC News.

Track: Sarah Barracuda was a runner before she became a threat on the basketball court. She told Runner’s World she named her oldest son after her first sport. Track. Not a specific track. Just any old track. In the great state of Alaska.

Wasilla: Not just Palin’s hometown and former mayoral jurisdiction. Also a crime scene several times over for the Palins and their relations. The latest kerfuffle: Todd’s half-sister was arrested on charges of breaking into a house in Wasilla to steal money from a bedroom cabinet. Twice. With her kid waiting in the getaway car.

Little Diomede Island: Best view of Russia from Alaska for when Putin “rears his head.”

* “It’s pretty insane – my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with [ethics complaints] instead of progressing our state now… You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity. I choose not to tear down and waste precious time; but to build up this state and our country, and her industrious, generous, patriotic, free people!” Sarah Palin said in her official announcement of her resignation as Governor of Alaska.

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