Roy Oswalt Ruins J.A. Happ’s Life
Roy Oswalt has gone and done it. Word is that the Philadelphia Phillies will be sending young starting pitcher J.A. (pronounced Jay) Happ to the Houston Astros for the wily, whiny veteran.
It’s hard to blame Roy O for being a bit bent out of shape with the Astros organization and the effort of some of his teammates. His frustrations have been evident on the mound and in the press. It must be tough to be the best pitcher on what is starting to look like the most incompetent franchise in baseball, but his $73 million contract should have somewhat softened that blow.
None the less, Roy looks to be off to play in front of packed houses as the Phillies chase another pennant. Meanwhile, J.A. Happ is learning the business by getting the business. Right now, a pitcher getting shipped from Philly to Houston is basically being relocated from his happy place to a flaming hot prison cell buried deep within the devil’s anus.
Memo to Drayton McLane: When you meet J.A. for the first time, don’t ask him what he has done to be a champion today! No one wants to see a grown man laugh, cry and beat on a senior citizen at the same time.
In Philly, Oswalt can expect electricity every time he steps on the mound. Happ is just in for a shock. He will learn Roy’s pain. He will know how it feels to pitch a nice ball game but lose because his team can’t score. He will know the agony of watching Carlos Lee graze in left field as he watches singles turn into doubles. That is, if Carlos is able to secure a pilot for his jet and makes the game.
The Houston Astros have become a jumble of mistakes from the past, screw ups in the present and murky projections for the future. J.A. Happ is a young pitcher who should have a long career ahead of him. The Astros will also reportedly land 1b Jonathan Singleton and RHP Vance Worley, but neither of those guys appears to be an immediate contributor.
Astros owner Drayton McLane has turned into an all too real parody of C. Montgomery Burns, with GM Ed Wade obviosuly willing to play the roll of Smithers. It sucks for Happ that life is treating him like Milhouse.
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The Curse of Nolan Ryan
The truth is that the Astros problems started long before Drayton McClane ran the team into the ground. The Astros fate was sealed in 1989 when they refused to sign Nolan Ryan to a one year contract for one million dollars. Instead they went with Jim Clancy for three mil.
Jim Clancy ended up pitching in the minors that year. The Ryan Express went on to pitch two more no-hitters, record his 5,000th strike out and whup Robin Ventura’s ass. He also went into the Hall of Fame in a Rangers jersey.
That would have been a pretty good bang for the Astros’ buck.
This curse doesn’t get a lot of attention because to the national media Houston is about as sexy as Norman Chad oiled up in Aquaman Underoos. But that doesn’t make it any less real.
Love the Couch Slouch
It took the Red Sox 86 years to overcome the Curse of the Bambino. It could be that the Curse of Nolan Ryan is in its infancy. But since we now know that a curse can be overcome eventually, perhaps Houston can do something to rectify this historic tragedy.
Ryan’s bid to buy the Rangers fell through. Call him up, Mr. Burns! Houston deserves someone who does more than constantly jabber about being a champion.
