It’s official. Europe has no culture. Well, except for David Beckham. People can say that Americans are fat, lazy and ignorant of the world around us. That may or may not be fair. But thanks to British poet laureate Carol Ann Duffy penning an ode to David Beckham, there is no longer anybody who can argue that we are any less cultured then the Euros.
Of course, Vlade Divac should have ended that argument for anyone paying attention years ago, but progress takes time.
Once your poet laureate has dedicated, we’ll say, 10-15 minutes of her time to write a poem about David Beckham, you pretty much lose the right to act snooty toward others’ cultural bonafides. And it’s not like this is the first time Becks has permeated Europe’s high culture. Lets not forget thousands of Spanish women lined up to watch a video of Becks sleeping at the Thyssen-Bornemisza museum in Madrid, Spain. Naturally, David Beckham condoms were available in the museum gift shop.
Now that is classy.
SportsChat visited England a few years ago and was told by more than several English-people that the US has no culture. I was told that in the US we speak “American” not English. I was scorned as if I had personally plotted the war in Iraq, even though England was right there with the US, and former-PM Tony Blair seemed to be sporting a woody every time he stood at the lectern next to W.
I was the ugly, war-mongering American speaking broken English. Not only that, I am a Texan, so I had to put up with a few death penalty inquiries. I can only assume that if I had worn a necklace with a Star of David pendant on it, I would have had to defend Israel’s right to exist every time I got on the Tube.
I might not be able to pronounce “Leicester” without the aid of the guy in the ticket booth, but at least I know a pop-culture d-bag when I see one.
The average American might know as much about European politics as they do about the intricacies of String Theory, but at least we are not obsessed with a past-his prime athlete with the brains of a Spice Girl. The poet laureate of Great Britain found it suitable to compare Becks to mythical super hero Achilles. Get it? Because Becks hurt his heel too.
When a 34 year-old athlete tears his Achilles Tendon, it is not comparable to the death of a hero in one of the greatest literary works in history. In fact, the comparison pretty much defecates all over the greatness of the original work. It’s pretty much like romanticizing a 55 year-old man’s colonoscopy.
Duffy explained to the Mirror why she chose Becks as her muse:
“‘The public aspect of some lives provides a narrative, a story, for the rest of us to follow. We speak of ‘living the dream’, a ‘fairytale existence’ of ‘legends’ and of ‘heroes’.
“Like Greek Myths, such public lives can contain triumph and tragedy and in a way we all learn from them, as we do from Ovid, or the Brothers Grimm, or Shakespeare.
“The narrative of David Beckham’s public life is, I’m sure, far from over… but this poem is written in sympathy for this part of his story and to draw a parallel with Achilles, who gave his name to Beckham’s injury.’”
It is pretty clear that the English take David Beckham’s life a wee bit too seriously. It is easy to understand why the love him. He is a sports hero that looks like he was chiseled out of stone from Mt. Olympus. His wife even looks like something out of Greek mythology, and you have to give Becks credit for being open minded enough to marry a Gorgon. But that doesn’t make him any less of a buffoon every time he opens his mouth.
The bottom line is, Becks was rejected by America. He didn’t even manage to swing a hit reality show while he was here, which is next to impossible. Rumor has it that there were actually talks about a special episode of “Wife Swap” starring Becks and Will Smith, but Smith started and ended negotiations with an empatic, “Oh, hell no!”
Perhaps Duffy is just seeking attention. It’s not like anybody would be reading about her work if she just pumped out poems about Big Ben and parliament. Or maybe as the first female poet laureate in British history (The US has had seven female poet laureates), she felt the need to show her range.
But all she really showed was that for all of its pretension, Europe is just as dumbed down as the rest of the world.
Achilles (For David Beckham)
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