Kwame Brown, Brian Scalabrine and DJ Mbenga Demanding to Sit on Bench Together

The Oxygen Network announced today that it will be dedicating an hour of air time this Sunday to Kwame Brown’s free agency decision. Although Brown has not yet announced his intentions, rumors have been circulating for weeks that he has been meeting regularly with fellow free agents DJ Mbenga and Brian Scalabrine at an Arby’s in Stamford, Conn. Despite the speculation that the three free agents are colluding to create an NBA super bench, Brown insists that they all just share a passion for cheap roast beef.

“I’m just trying to do what’s right,” Brown said as he exited Arby’s with two Roast Beef Patty Melt Jr. combos, a Roast Beef Gyro in a to-go bag.

So far, the three free agents — already nicknamed “The Thee Benchitos” haven’t hinted where they will land, but an unnamed source reported that at one of the Arby’s meetings Scalabrine revealed that he wanted to keep sitting on the Celtics’ bench. “They have really comfortable seats,” Scalabrine reportedly said. I think Kwame and DJ would really enjoy parking their asses next to me in those comfy seats for 82 games.”

An anonymous NBA scout said that the outcome of the press conference on Sunday could change the balance of power in the NBA permanently.

“Life is over as we know it. Do you think guys like Mike Gminski and Chris Dudley would have teamed up to form a “Super Bench?” he asked. “Of course not. They wanted to sit back and relax by themselves as their teammates went up against the very best.

(This is a satirical post, as in, not true.)

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