January: A Glorious 31-Day Window of Opportunity to Eat and Drink Too Much
Some people like to use the month of January as an inspiration to get healthy, exercise, eat right, and stop drinking. I think those people are making a huge error in judgment.
In actuality, this month is a glorious 31-day window of opportunity to eat and drink too much and it should not be wasted. Honestly, do you really want to be abstaining right now? It’s freezing outside and anyway there’s nothing else to do. Hot yoga class is too packed with all the poor slobs who resolved to take hot yoga class. Nobody’s throwing any parties, so you won’t find yourself tagged in any random party pics. Swimsuit season is months away. In January, there is no point in trying to look good or act cool. So put on your Slanket and pick up a Mallomar.
If you can even find a Mallomar in this town. I stopped at three stores (one Key Food and two Mets) on the way home and not one of them had the s’more-ish cookie. The Key Food and the first Met were just plain sold out, but the second Met won’t stock them anymore on account of they’re switching over to selling more organic food, less Nabisco. Thanks a lot Food, Inc.
But they did have Newman-O’s (organic, so whatever Michael Pollan) and I bought a one-pound bag of chocolate chocolate. In case you didn’t know, Newman-O’s are a lot like Oreos but the middle is creamier, less marshmallow-y, more ganache-y. They are a slightly more sophisticated cookie and therefore lend themselves to dunking not into milk but into red wine. My preference is for Malbec, though any of your full-bodied reds will do. This also works well with chocolate vanilla Newman-O’s, the vanilla crème soaks up the Malbec more than the chocolate and gives you a truly pronounced wine flavor. Please don’t try this with chocolate mint. You would be disappointed, I assure you.
Another snack that’s perfect for a month of hermiting is something I call a lazy crepe. Take a six-inch corn tortilla, spread half of it with Nutella or quality strawberry jam (or both). Add a pinch of sea salt if you’re feeling cheffy. Fold it over and fry in a little butter. You’ll think you got it off a food cart in Montmatre (especially if you make it after a couple of glasses of the Malbec).
No, neither of these treats is the sort of thing I’d serve to guests, or even eat in front of another living soul but that is the point. January is the prime season to indulge personal guilty pleasures, don’t squander one week of it with carrot sticks or cucumber water. Just overpour a glass of wine and run a bath. Go ahead and put on your Harry Potter audio book, nobody has to know. Have a lazy crepe and another five Newman-O’s (or Mallomars, if you can get them). Wait for the spring to come.
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