There are a lot of differing opinions as to what constitutes power, particularly as it relates to sex. In my time as a professional dominant– or “dominatrix,” if you will — I’ve heard plenty of personal theories and even hatched a few of my own.
One of the more common ideologies claims that women are the most powerful because… well, men are the ones who have to work at getting laid. But if you stand on any city street long enough and listen to the humiliating speech hurled at women by strange men on a daily basis, that theory starts to crumble. It’s not that women as a group have decided to withhold sex because doing so turns us on* or empowers us, but rather, it’s that we live in a society that does not encourage us to explore our sexualities openly and on our own terms.
In other words, daily street harassment, slut-shaming, the stress of kowtowing to beauty standards and such really takes a toll on a gal’s libido. It’s hard out there for a chick: even if you’re just a two-dimensional representation.
And I harbor no illusions regarding my status as a sex worker who deals in sexy time power exchange for cash. Yes, I have managed to meet some men who are legitimately looking to experience a relinquishing of the sexual control that they are taught comes with having a penis. But the fact that there is a market for such a thing speaks to which gender is running the larger show. There are thousands of websites dedicated to helping men ferret out and enjoy all manners of sexual experiences.
Where are the websites full of hot guys that women can pay for (COUGH) time and companionship? If the Internet is any indication, women turn to Weight loss tips and vulva makeup to get their rocks off. Because nothing makes me come like a rumbling tummy and chemical burns on my pussy!
So, what does female sexual power entail? Can it even exist in a world that seems hell bent on ruining the good times and healthy self esteems of women everywhere? Eh. My opinion vacillates from week to week, and that’s what this little column will be about. Stay tuned for gratuitous nudity, disgruntled commenters, amusing New York sex worker anecdotes, sex toy recommendations and half-baked feminist theories.
I promise no concrete answers. But hopefully, we’ll all have a bit of fun.
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*That’s not to say that a small portion of us don’t get off on rejecting and teasing men. Entirely different conversation.
Nicole Farrow
Nicole Farrow is a compulsive blogger and pervert originally from Brooklyn, New York. She once majored in English and worked in publishing, but ultimately opted to run away and become a sex worker. She currently resides in Manhattan, where she spends her days shuttling between ...
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