For Your Pre-Valentine’s Day Consideration

You guys. There are only 13 days until Valentine’s Day, and that’s barely enough time for you to buy some SVU valentines and send them to me! Sorry, I got a little excited there, but rightfully so. Check out these valentines from Brandon Bird-they combine two of my favorite things: puns and marathon television watching. The picture below also links to his site, because I really think you need to go there and buy these for me:

I was able to know exactly how many days there are until Valentine’s Day, by the way, because Frederick’s of Hollywood has been kind enough to provide a Valentine’s Day countdown that ticks away the seconds you have left to buy their lingerie. They also have tips from “David,” a “man’s man, [who's] up to his eyeballs in thongs, G-strings and hot models every day, and he knows what girls want.” He suggests on Valentine’s Day, you can surprise your girl by taking her to a Frederick’s and letting her pick out “whatever she wants.” Huh.

I think David may have gotten a little distracted by all the hot models, because the whole point of lingerie is that it’s something the dude loves seeing you in-and yes, gentlemen, I know, you’d like to see us in pretty much anything that involves partial nudity, but the idea is that you’re seeing the movie regardless-why not splurge on a large popcorn? Or junior mints? Or whatever would enhance your viewing experience! I can’t look at my own boobs during sex without getting a double chin-this view’s all for you, baby.

Also while we’re talking about lingerie things that don’t make any sense, can someone please explain to me why this is hot:

Specifically, the thingy that attaches the top to the bottom. Doesn’t that just make it harder to get the whole contraption off? Is it supposed to be like a garter strap over your tummy? Oh God, that would imply that your stomach is shaped like an ass.

I’m sorry, I should stop bitching-both Frederick’s and Yandy.com have some deliciously trashy lingerie that I wouldn’t mind frolicking around my apartment in (sorry, roommate!). I’m just pouting because I don’t see any SVU valentine’s in my mailbox yet. PEOPLE, you only have 13 days, 16 hours, 8 minutes, and 12 seconds to get them to me!

Comments