Sure, it will work: be social, be funny, go to bars. Some of the advice in the recent Men’s Health article on how to have undergrad sex even goes beyond instinctual-did you know when you’re out with a group and stimulated by your surroundings, you can get stimulated by the potential mate nearby? It’s called “misattribution of arousal,” college boy. But while Men’s Health details how to get laid like you’re Van Wilder, I would argue that having sex “like you’re in college” is a little different. May I suggest some more accurate tips on how to have sex, college-style:
-Get drunk and start falling on potential mates as a way to hit on them.
-Stand awkwardly in the corner, go home alone. Have sex with yourself.
-Make out with that guy at the bar because you’re bored.
-Every time you get nervous, take a shot. Repeat until you can’t get it up/can vomit on your potential sexual partner.
-Fawn over a potential lay until they go home with someone else. Hook up with their friend.
-Tell her she’ll need to be quiet because your roommate is sleeping in the top bunk.
-When you’re two weeks shy of your graduation, freak out that you haven’t lost your v-card and lie to some guy so he unknowingly takes your virginity. Bonus points if you get him to say, “You’re so tight it’s like fucking a virgin.”
Perhaps your college experience was different, your tips more. . .successful in the bedroom. Maybe you want to revisit your sexual misadventures and wonder if she’s faking it. Lie there and wonder if that thing he’s doing with his thing is normal. All I know is that while fun, I’m glad my blind groping stage is over. I am happy to wait and revisit it again when I’m 80 and actually blind.
Photo by VideogameVisionary.com.
Meghan Pleticha
Meghan Pleticha is the only hit when you Google her name. Originally from California, she now lives in Brooklyn where she enjoys trivia nights, reality television, and her share of sex and dating. For a good time, you ...
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