What About Standing Up For What’s Right?

What should I do if I’m the only one around and I see someone else being threatened or attacked? Obviously call the police, but that move could put me in danger as well. What if I’m underground without cell service?

Well sure, call the police! Or get somewhere that you can. Do you just want to stand there and watch some mean people be really mean to someone who doesn’t deserve to have mean things happen to them? What kind of monster are you? What if that were your mother in danger?

Of course, I’m assuming that you don’t hate your mother, which you very well may. Maybe she left you at the traveling carnival all by yourself so she could get drunk and play bingo, only to go home with a sailor on shore leave. And maybe she didn’t come back for you for days, stretching into months and years, leaving you to be raised by well meaning but crude carnies. Oh sure, they didn’t hold their knives and forks right, and they couldn’t spell, but damn it, they taught you how to bolt a Tilt-A-Whirl together! They taught you how to turn your back on the bone weary workaday world! So quit bad mouthing the carnies! They loved you, damn it! More than that tramp of a mother ever did! God damn her!

I’m sorry, I think I blacked out there for a minute. Where was I? Oh yes… Imminent danger, blah blah blah, no cell phone.

I fear you’re missing a golden opportunity here. If you’re underground with no cell service, and no help around, it is a perfect time for vigilantism! If your cell phone doesn’t work then neither will theirs when they try to call for help. By the time their bodies are discovered, their lives will have already been forfeited to the Great God Cthulhu! Cthulhu R’lyeh fhtagn!

This is an example of re-framing a situation into something positive, and turning it to your advantage. When you start thinking like the bad mama jama that you really are inside, a whole world of options will open up for you! Just beware. Once that beast is unleashed, it is hard getting it back on the chain.

Sergeant Kermit is a Deputy Sheriff and firearms instructor in southwestern Virginia. His column offers weekly advice to nice people who want to protect themselves from predators. Want to ask an Angry Guy your own self defense questions? Email Sergeant Kermit at pirateepd@gmail.com or tweet him @pirateepd

More From Sergeant Kermit:

What to Do When You’re Scared and Alone and it’s Dark Out AND A STRANGER ASKS FOR SOMETHING

How to Stab Someone While You’re Running