Self Defense 
“Get it On With Holsters On!” And Other Methods for Making Love in Public
Is there a safe way to have sex in public? What about dealing with the people who might get mad about it and attack me? -Horny Hermione Hermione! You old witch, you. Pleas... ...read more
How to Handle Bullies: a Guide for 10-Year-Olds
Sergeant Kermit, I have a 10-year-old son that has always went to a very small and very safe Christian school. He’s big for his age but completely passive and tenderheart... ...read more
The Bat Knife: A Creative Solution for Burglars
We all fear intruders in our home. But also, the idea of keeping a weapon around can be daunting. If you own a knife or bat, where’s the best place to keep it for your sa... ...read moreWhat to do About Hungry Cougars
As a young, tiny man, how do I protect myself from a pack of rabid cougars (ie, older women) molesting me at a concert? Keep in mind that I’m on acid. (this happens a lot)... ...read moreWhat About Standing Up For What’s Right?
What should I do if I’m the only one around and I see someone else being threatened or attacked? Obviously call the police, but that move could put me in danger as well. W... ...read more
What to Do When You’re Scared and Alone and it’s Dark Out AND A STRANGER ASKS FOR SOMETHING
If someone scary and/or uneasy looking asks for something somewhat miniscule as a cigarette or a couple of dollars when it’s late out and you’re alone, should you ap... ...read moreAsk Kermit—An Angry Guy’s Guide to Self-Defense: How to Stab Someone While You’re Running
Hi Kermit. I’d like to know more about the legality of carrying a switchblade or similar on my person for night jogs in Carbondale…I wouldn’t have a problem stabbing some... ...read moreAsk Kermit—An Angry Guy’s Guide to Self Defense: Teeth Cleaning and other Travels
Hi Kermit, I made an appointment with this dentist and only checked out his website afterward. Nothing happened but it made me wonder about things like what I should do if a de... ...read more
Ask Kermit—An Angry Guy’s Guide to Self-Defense: Snakes, Hogs, and Meth Heads
Here are some things I’m afraid of: copperheads, wild boars, and meth heads. How might I protect myself if everything goes to shit and one of these comes at me? Sincerely, Dow... ...read more
Ask Kermit—An Angry Guy’s Guide to Self-Defense: Hairdos and Safety
Sergeant Kermit is a Deputy Sheriff and firearms instructor in southwestern Virginia. His column offers weekly advice to nice people who want to protect themselves from predat... ...read moreFollow Us
-
Follow us on twitter@thefastertimes
Most Popular
-
1
Amanda Bynes’s Behavior Revealed to Be Elaborate PSA
-
2
Obama Horrified by the Grammar in Our Emails
-
3
Monster Fart Prompting Management to Rethink “Open Office”
-
4
NSA Demanded Access To Un-Filtered Instagram Photos
-
5
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson Ambushed By Alan ‘The Paper’ Rubinstein
-
6
‘Licensed to Kim Jong Il’ Records 27th Straight Year Atop N. Korean Charts
-
7
‘A/S/L’ Most Asked Question At Kaplan Online University Reunion
-
8
Vice Magazine Now Only Hiring Writers Who Fail Drug Test
-
9
Henry Cavill to be Replaced by Stack of Pancakes in “Man of Steel” Sequel
-
10
Stanley Cup Final One Blowout Away From “Boston Massacre” Headline Outrage
