Barack Obama: The Chuck Norris of American Presidents
But that’s how it is these days. Things move fast. Information flows at an overwhelming rate. You just don’t know what state the world will be in when you wake up in the morning.
Hell, just today I logged into Twitter before my first cup (always a mistake), and ran smack dab into a picture of Hollywood super producer Sam Simon’s dog’s testicles, which are apparently about to “go the way of Bin Laden.”
But that is only the second to most impressive castration in my life right now. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed watching the president cut Donald Trump off at the sack during the White House Correspondent’s Dinner last Saturday night.
First of all, let me say that I am as excited about Obama killing Osama as the next yahoo who is using it as an excuse to get loaded and pee on the White House lawn.
And, yes, President Obama did kill Osama personally. Obama is officially the Chuck Norris of American Presidents. Deal with it, Tea Baggers.
In the course of one eventful weekend, Obama went from Jimmy Carter to FDR. Does anybody think he is weak anymore? Obama didn’t just help orchestrate the most bad ass precision anti-terrorist strike since the Israelis stormed Entebbe, he also took his place as perhaps the most cold-blooded comedian of all time.
The President’s skewering of the Donald last Saturday was impressive enough when I didn’t know he was simultaneously planning one of the most important and sensitive military operations in American history. When you add that to the mix, his Lil Jon, Meatloaf, firing Gary Busey punchline becomes transcendental.
Talk about ice water in your veins. Some of the most famous comedians out there can’t perform without a cocktail of pills to help them deal with stage fright. But Obama had no problem killing them softly with a smile on his face while grinding the enemies of America into paste at the same time. Bill Hicks couldn’t even do that on hard acid.
Has anybody ever been so skillfully put in their place as Trump was over the weekend? I would go so far as to conjecture that his initial icy response wasn’t sour grapes so much as a feeling of impotence in the face of real power — not reality TV power.
All Trump could do was sit there and take it while the most powerful man in the world emphasized what most of us already knew: The Donald is a walking punchline. And he will be from now on thanks to Obama.
It was perfect that Celebrity Apprentice was pre-empted when the “Obama killed Osama” story broke. Trump is probably sore it didn’t get equal media run when he fired Busey, but that is why he has his ego distilled, refined and used as impregnable hair spray. It protects him from meanies.
And not to worry, the Donald, I can assure you everybody is still on the edge of their seats waiting learn your plans for 2012 on the season finale of Celebrity Apprentice. Well, everybody but Qaddafi.
See, I think he’s more worried our President might take a curtain call.
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