1. I guess I should give the GOP props for voting against the Violence Against Women Act, since it would be hypocritical to condemn violence against women, while at the same time advocating ultrasound rape.

2. This is a really beautiful image of small government and big family values.

3. I’m really glad women aren’t allowed to testify at this hearing, which is about their bodies. It’s a dangerously slippery slope and I think we all know what comes next: box turtles are allowed to testify. It’s also really hard to be objective and have a vagina at the same time.

4. Rep James Lankford should recuse himself from abortion discussions, as he, himself, is a fetus.

5. Given what men of the cloth are known to do in this position, I’m kind of relieved when a clergy member testifies that he gets on his knees every morning and prays for the president.

6. Joe Walsh shouldn’t be speaking or even here. He has way overdue child support to pay.

7. An objective Darrell Issa throws the panel a real hard ball and asks them, “Do you think this hearing was a sham?”

8. That hearing was good, but having Fred Phelps there would have made it even better.

9. That hearing was good, but having it in Salem in the 17th century woud have made it even better.

10. I’m holding a hearing in which an all female panel will testify for weekly colonoscopies performed on the male clergy and GOP members who participated in today’s hearing. We will also discuss Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell’s amendment requiring men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.

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1) A lovely Thanksgiving spread replete with pumpkins, gourds, and what looked like some sort of Thanksgiving Nativity.

2) The tears of tough, law and order candidates whose sympathy has been understandably depleted and spent on themselves.

3) Frank Luntz’s incredible performance as a Christian. Luntz, a Jew, moderated the event ― in which Christian candidates, seated at a table in a church, waxed poetic on their Christian faith, recounted finding Jesus, and lamented those who hadn’t ― as if he’d spent his entire life going to Church and not synagogue. Luntz himself is quick to judge other Jews, telling, for example, liberal Jewish American parents, “You have let your children down. By your religious liberalism, you have done more to destroy a religion than any suicide bomber, any politician or anyone filled with hate ever could. Shame on you.” But I guess passing as a Christian and enabling Christians who consider Jews, at best, “imperfect“, is kosher in Luntz’s reading of the Torah.

4) Michele Bachmann “submitting to/ respecting” the men by walking around the table and serving each of the a glass of water.

5) Christian rockers David Bush & Michael O’Brien’s incredibly moving “(Jesus, We Need You) More than Ever” music video, which was screened before the debate and set a wonderfully Christian tone. The song is brilliant in form and content, opening with a snippet of “America the Beautiful” done in the “Penny for Your Thoughts” musical style featured in Waiting for Guffman.

The good news is that you and your family can spend Thanksgiving watching the Thanksgiving-themed debate. It’s the perfect family activity.

The “More than Ever” video will surely be the entertainment center-piece of your holiday gathering, but it will be the moral center-piece as well, informed as it is by the teachings of Jesus Christ. In the tradition of Christian parables, the video refuses to hit viewers on the head with its meanings or spoon feed its messages. Rather, it challenges the viewer with to analyze and deconstruct it. To help friends and family and yourself get the most of the subtle work of art, I present the following viewing guide. The words in italics are the lyrics of the song, which are visually featured during the video, to re-enforce the urgent message. This was an aesthetic choice, and in no way an endorsement of closed captioning or the Americans with Disabilities Act, both of which coddle our disabled, (who would otherwise most likely grow out of their disabilities) and make us less free and less safe! The words in plain font describe the images that accompany the lyrics.

Print out copies for your guests to help them capture the depth, nuance and beauty of what is sure to become an American classic.

[instrumental opening to America the Beautiful" and pan up on rugged patchwork quilt of images featuring words "More than Ever," an image of David Bush and Michael O Brien, and text saying "David Bush" and "Michael Brien" suggesting to the viewer that these two men are responsible for the song you are about to enjoy which is called "More than Ever". The particular image of David Bush emphasizes his resemblance to John Ashcroft, another gifted Christian singer and songwriter ]

fade in text* A land without a conscience

An image of a poster of Chinese Communist and shirt fashion inspirer Mao Zedong, suggesting the soullessness that characterizes the atheist Marxist dictatorships of Chairman Mao and “President” Obama.

Can only pay a toll An image of a store front with a “Sorry, we’re closed sign” and a gate suggesting that the store is both closed and sorry to be in said closed state. This suggests a bad economy and the fact that we are paying a price even though, ironically, we are unable to pay for anything since when a store is closed there is nothing you can pay for. And even if the store were stocked, it would be closed and impossible to open. Very meta.

We’ve lost our sense of justice An image of Lady Justice. The video is more overt here, since the viewer needs a break from decoding the past 4 images.]

today An image of a white yet sultry and exotic young woman, maybe even Italian, with tears running down her cheek. Her eye make up slightly smeared probably because she was tarted up and thus provoked some kind of attack. Her tears suggest urgency and how we need Jesus not next week, not tomorrow… but… today!.

CHORUS Come be my King An image of a silhouette of a man praying at a huge cross who may or may not be Tim Tebow, suggesting how we “bow” (get it?) to our King, the lord Jesus Christ.

And heal a land An image of an icy window across which is written “Trust Jesus” presumable by someone’s finger, suggesting that if we trust Jesus we will be healed and if we have lost mobility in our hand or are illiterate, Jesus will heal us and allow us to move our hand and write things like “trust Jesus.”

A sad woman sits in the forefront with a mardi gras scene in the background suggesting that mardi gras (which was one of the factors ― if not THE cause ― responsible for Hurricane Katrina), as well as other rainbow-themed events, such as pride parades, bring with them sadness and darkness.

Come turn our hearts to you a little child praying suggesting this as a possible turning-our-hearts-to-Jesus activity.

a light that never fades away A lighthouse suggesting a house that emits light. This light will never fade away.

Oh Jesus we need you more than ever today a sad woman sits on a bench with her face in her hand. Unlike the tarted up woman from earlier in the video, this woman is dressed conservatively and she is wearing a wedding ring, suggesting that she is not a whore but a baby killer. This baby killer is upset and she needs Jesus really bad.

A calling to repentance A man holding a holy bible up in the air suggesting that he is, in fact, calling to repentance

Is hard to realize a man is covering his ears suggesting that he is in a state in which it is hard to realize something, or anything, quite frankly, because he literally CANNOT hear and hearing something is required for realizing something!

[In the interest of time and pedagogy, I leave the rest of the video to you and your guests. By now you should be able to deconstruct the video's meaning. Some images, like a man on his knees, and a building which says CHRISTIAN CHURCH should be easy or easier by now. But the following image is especially challenging, so I'll take the liberty of helping you break it down.]

Why wait until Christmas (Frank, that’s Christian speak for Chanukah) to celebrate the birth of our lord. Why not take the opportunity to turn to Him now. Because, like the song says, we need him more than ever… today. On Thanksgiving and every day, bow your head in thanks that we live in a Christian nation, whose values are unsullied by the Enlightenment and other modernistic perversions of faith. *fade ins and cross fades used in every transition.

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Hallelujah ! We are witnessing… a revival… a reawakening… a renaissance… a rebirth of birtherism! Birtherism is being reborn. We are living a rebirtherism. And it is a fun rebirth! Perry himself explained this week that “It’s fun to — to poke… him a little bit and say, ‘Hey, how about — let’s see your grades and your birth certificate.’” Let the good times roll!

Like birthers, these rebirthers are dismissed as using smear tactics. But people like Perry and Trump are the midwives of freedom, delivering a rebirth of birtherism, helping birtherism re-rear its beautiful head. The only thing these rebithers are smearing is a placenta of patriotism, all over the country.

Birthers are marginalized as racists. But when it comes to Perry and Trump, race-card dealers are barking up the wrong and totally not racist tree. Just ask Donald Trump, who is keenly aware of his excellent rapport with black people: “I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks.” He’s so down with black people, he gets to call them “the blacks.” Though he can’t make the claim that some of his best friends are black, Trump can state that some of the people with who he has and has had a great relationship are black. And if that’s not proof of non-racism, I don’t know what is. Rick Perry’s relationship with “the blacks” blows Trump’s out of the (Wade in the*) water! Only a man with a lot of black friends gets away with calling his hunting camp “N*^#&$ Head Rock”! This guy has cred! And though he’s too modest to say it, Perry has a very special relationship with “the blacks,” and offers them that special southern hospitality; he provides them with shelter, food, routine and structure as they await their executions! Of the 321 people on death row in Texas, 126 are black. That’s 41%, even though African Americans make up 11.8% of the population of Texas! Perry makes sure the blacks, disenfranchised and under-represented in so many ways for so long, are finally over-represented on death row.

*Some of my favorite songs are black!

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2. Michele Bachmann vows “I will build a double-walled fence.” It is unclear whether she moonlights in construction or will have her <a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20072121-503544.html" target=”_hplink”>23 children build the fence.

3. Rick Perry uses the Palinist method, ignoring the question he’s asked, answering the question he would like to ask and telling Anderson Cooper, “You get to ask the questions, I get to answer like I want to.”

4. Anderson Cooper either forgets who he is talking to or actually thinks the following distinction will not be lost on Perry, replying, “That’s actually a response, that’s not an answer, but go ahead.”

5. Michele Bachmann says, “We need to listen to Ronald Reagan. No pastels. We need bold colors.” Actually, that was her husband.

6. Cain stands by his statement “Don’t blame Wall Street, don’t blame the big banks. If you don’t have a job, and you’re not rich, blame yourself.” Receives a loud and extended applause usually reserved for an impressive number of executions and letting sick people die.

7. Newt Gingrich insists on the importance of a candidate’s religion: “How can you have judgment if you have no faith? And how can I trust you with power if you don’t pray?” Nice to know that he and Ahmadinejad see theocratic eye to theocratic eye on that one.

8. Comparing himself to Mitt Romney, Cain says, “his business executive experience has been more Wall Street- oriented; mine has been more Main Street.” I would have said “more thin-crusted.”

9. Anderson Cooper cites Baptist pastor who called Mormonism “a cult.” Audience boos, though it’s unclear whether they are booing the statement or whether they are booing the religion itself. Mormonism may have been the gay solider of the night.

10. Post Debate CNN panel includes Ari Fleischer. Apparently no other war crimes-enabling liars were available.

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Rick Perry’s record number of executions drew applause at last week’s GOP debate. Among the 234– whoops, make that 235 as of today, it’s hard to keep up– killed under Perry was Cameron Todd Willingham, who received the death penalty for killing his three daughters by arson. Right before the execution, it was revealed that the science on which Willingham’s conviction was based was bogus. Perry ignored the revelation, executed Willingham, and then covered it up. While the state of Texas rates number one in number of executions, Georgia is a close seven and even has its own executions of innocents under its belt! Georgia is gearing up to kill another one, Troy Davis. Davis has been on death row for 20 years for the 1989 murder of a Savannah police officer. The case against him rested on witness testimony but seven of nine key witnesses have recanted or changed their testimony, some alleging police coercion. Help save an innocent man and sign the petitions launched by Amnesty International, the NAACP, Change.org by Troy’s sister, is one and moveon.org

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And THIS is the FOX headline on the story: “Colorado Rep. Lamborn’s ‘tar baby’ comment riles the left.”

Apparently, it riles people who aren’t on the left as well. According to a poll run by the FOX affiliate asking “Do you think Colorado Rep. Doug Lamborn’s ‘tar baby’ comment in reference to President Obama was racist?” 110 people said yes and 52 said no (as of 6:48 pm). I assume lefties aren’t the only ones who know about and fill out FOX 31 Denver polls.

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After living here for 57 years, I have seen an “Arizona dust storm” or two. What irritates me is the growing trend to call our Arizona dust storms “haboobs.” While other countries in the world may call them that, this is the United States. Even more, this is Arizona, not some Middle Eastern nation. I am insulted that local TV news crews are now calling this kind of storm a haboob. How do they think our soldiers feel coming back to Arizona and hearing some Middle Eastern term that is clearly an Arizona phenomenon. Dust storms such as we have are as unique as cacti and diamondback rattlesnakes. Keep it as it is – an Arizona dust storm!

Another modern-day minutewoman used a rights-based argument to challenge the use of “haboob,”writing,”Excuse me, Mr. Weatherman! Who gave you the right to use the word “haboob” in describing our recent dust storm? We have our own culture, too, sir, and we don’t take kindly to being robbed of it.”

Sadly, the linguistic attacks on our culture are not limited to meteorology. Words of Arabic origin infiltrate our vocabulary more than we would like to think. In solidarity with our brothers and sisters in Arizona who are fighting to keep our language free of foreign influence, I have singled out 10 words of Arabic origin and offered good old fashioned American language names for them. Of course this list of 10 is not exhaustive but just representative grains of sand in the vast infidel Arabian desert that threatens to replace our American homeland. My fellow Americans, let us speak American!

orange: the beautiful hue of House Speaker John Boehner’s glowing soft as a baby’s bottomskin

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