Ten Deep Thoughts on the All-Male Panel on my Vagina
House Oversight Committee Chairman, master car thief and general criminal Darrell Issa held a hearing today on the Obama administration’s new regulation requiring employers and insurers to provide contraception coverage to their employees. Claiming that the the hearing was “not about reproductive rights and contraception but instead about the Administration’s actions as they relate to freedom of religion and conscience,” Issa barred a progressive woman from testifying, as that would have ruined the all male conservative religious anti-Obama motif he was going for. This led three democrats to walk out of the house (which must have been extra hard, because their panties were all up in a bunch). But I watched the hearing. And here are some thoughts.
1. I guess I should give the GOP props for voting against the Violence Against Women Act, since it would be hypocritical to condemn violence against women, while at the same time advocating ultrasound rape.
2. This is a really beautiful image of small government and big family values.
3. I’m really glad women aren’t allowed to testify at this hearing, which is about their bodies. It’s a dangerously slippery slope and I think we all know what comes next: box turtles are allowed to testify. It’s also really hard to be objective and have a vagina at the same time.
4. Rep James Lankford should recuse himself from abortion discussions, as he, himself, is a fetus.
5. Given what men of the cloth are known to do in this position, I’m kind of relieved when a clergy member testifies that he gets on his knees every morning and prays for the president.
6. Joe Walsh shouldn’t be speaking or even here. He has way overdue child support to pay.
7. An objective Darrell Issa throws the panel a real hard ball and asks them, “Do you think this hearing was a sham?”
8. That hearing was good, but having Fred Phelps there would have made it even better.
9. That hearing was good, but having it in Salem in the 17th century woud have made it even better.
10. I’m holding a hearing in which an all female panel will testify for weekly colonoscopies performed on the male clergy and GOP members who participated in today’s hearing. We will also discuss Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell’s amendment requiring men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.
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