Oil Spill: 5 New Rules and Regulations for Talking about the BP Disaster
1. Anyone can criticize the Obama administration as long as they’ve never said either of the following: “Drill, Baby, Drill” or “Drill Here, Drill Now.” As I do not* fall into that category, allow me to Obama: Ken Salazar was a terrible choice; the take away lesson is not “don’t worry, we will still drill” it’s “this is what the ‘invisible hand’ of unregulated capitalism looks like.”
2. There will be a moratorium on Katrina/BP oil spill analogies. Katrina : Oil Spill :: Holocaust : Slavery–corny, sloppy, lazy comparisons not supported by history or empirical evidence, made by people who either mistakenly think they are smart or intentionally create false equivalencies. (Even Joe Scarborough calls the Katrina/ Oil Spill analogy “obscene.”) Once it is determined that Obama responded to the disaster by giving John McCain a birthday cake, playing guitar with a country singer , flying over but not setting foot in the Gulf area, Katrina: Oil Spill analogies may resume.
3. There will be a moratorium on FOX/MSNBC News analogies.FOX: MSNBC = Tea Party: Crazy Left Violent Marxists who are making death threats to Republicans**. Anyone who makes the false equivalency claim that MSNBC is Obama’s/ The Left’s Fox, will be forced to watch MSNBC for 24 hours and record the number of times an anchor criticizes Obama. Both articulate, intelligent criticisms, such as those made by Ed Schultz, as well as inane sound bites repeated again and again by apparent Tourettes sufferer Andrea Mitchell must be tallied.
4. Exxon Valdez is pronounced Valdez. Valdeez*** is make-believe Spanish invented by people who have never taken a Spanish class. When in doubt, pronounce the word as it’s spelled. Don’t overcompensate by trying to give it a Latin flavor. (This applies to “Chavez,” as in Hugo or Cesar as well, which is pronounced CHAvez not ChaVEZ.)
5. Automatically blaming Halliburton every time you hear of a preventable fatal tragedy due to cutting corners and saving money or a rape cover-up is not paranoia or a knee-jerk reaction. It is a statistical probability supported by empirical studies reported in peer reviewed journals.
*People who use terms in irony, satirical writings, or stand up comedy are exempt.
** If you haven’t heard of them it’s because they don’t exist.
*** “iregardless” of how Gringos in Alaska may or may not pronounce the town.
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