How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Dove Men+Care’s Extra Fresh Antiperspirant
DoveMen+Care asked our correspondent to try out their
Extra Fresh Antiperspirant. His dates will be grateful they did.
In 5th grade, I was one of those kids that my gym teacher, Mr. Grassi, took aside and told, “It’s time you started using deodorant.” He scrunched his face uncomfortably, like after that time I threw a dodgeball at his crotch. And while I felt a certain pride after the dodgeball incident, I only felt shame examining my damp, yellowed underarms.
In my own defense, I didn’t have anyone to tell me that I smelled like a gin-soaked hobo who had just run the New York City marathon. My mom was a hippie veterinarian who only wore stained sweatsuits. She loved the smell of a cat spay in the morning, but was opposed to any fragrance you might buy in a store — that is, anything that actually smelled good.
After the incident with Mr. Grassi, I took matters into my own hands and bought some antiperspirant at the Quick Check. My mom sniffed it out and reacted as though she had found a live grenade under each of my armpits. My antiperspirant was confiscated.
While I grew to learn that my mom is kind of insane, my unsubstantiated fear of antiperspirants lingered. And let me tell you, it’s awful to realize that sweat spots are starting show through your sweater while on a date. So when Dove Men + Care sent me their Extra Fresh Antiperspirant, I knew that I had to get over my fears. Luckily, Dove was sympathetic to my neurosis and hooked me up with a phone call with Dr. Jeff Benabio, a San Diego dermatologist, to ease my anxiety.
“So, Dr. B.,” I said, “I’ve got problems. Deodorant, antiperspirant, all of this makes me nervous. Mommy issues. Help.”
‘We actually have two different types of sweat glands,” Dr B. explained with a soothing voice. “There’s a sweat gland that just produces water, and there’s a second gland that just produces an oily substance. Dove Men+Care antiperspirant has both an antibacterial and a fragrance, which together address the odor from the oily gland. And there’s also an aluminum salt that blocks the water from the sweat gland.”
“Cool,” I said, “but can it give me a rash or kill me?”
“No,” Dr. B. assured me. “The trouble is that a lot of guys’ antiperspirants are too strong—the ingredients are strong and irritating. If it’s irritating, then guys are less likely to use it. The Dove deodorant has a specific antiperspirant ingredient that’s not as irritating as other deodorants. This particular technology works specifically for long-lasting, 48-hour protection.”
“That’s great,” I said. “Because I have showering issues [which Dove helped me get over last week]. Does that mean that girls will want to make love to me even when I forget to shower?”
I think this question made Dr. B. uncomfortable, but when he started talking about how Dove Men+Care Extra Fresh Antiperspirant would even moisturize my underarms, I sensed that his answer was a resounding, “Hell yeah!”
“I’m going to the bar!” I declared, jubilantly cutting off Dr. B. while swiping the cool, moist antiperspirant under my arms. “Don’t tell my mom!”
“I…I won’t,” Dr. B. said, sounding a bit confused. He didn’t know that he and Dove Men+Care had just made it possible for me to go out on dates without worrying that my underarms were turning into the 6th and 7th Great Lakes.
I ran out the door with dry arms and high hopes. It was 4:00 PM. I had 48 hours. The night was young.
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