Here’s Your Montage of Movie Stars Being Punched in the Face
“I want you to hit me… as hard as you can.” …Indeed. And haven’t we all made this request to someone else, at one time or another? Actually, probably not. As typical slothful Americans, we rely on movie stars to take our punches for us – as well as to pilot our spaceships, fight off our futuristic transforming robots, and have sex with our Anne Hathaways. Yep, that’s motion pictures for you. And a movie without punching is like a day without sunshine – that is, it’s something that only takes place about 30% of the time.
So here, courtesy of the good people at Screened.com, is a montage of all your favorite movie face-punches, including the above-alluded-to Fight Club punch, as well as everyone’s favorite human punching bag, Ned Ryerson – Needlenose Ned, Ned the Head – from Groundhog Day, bing. In addition, there’s That Chick being slapped a million times in Airplane!, plus Ivan Drago in Rocky IV, who learned to his peril that punching Rocky was like punching a piece of iron, before promptly being punched in the face himself. Plus sixteen other famous movie punches! See if you can identify them all, or maybe you won’t be able to, because you were busy having a social life in high school or something, who knows?
..Yep. Wasn’t that fun and/or cathartic? And in case you have any additional questions – such as Why did we watch this today, of all days? or Why punching exactly? or What are these strange printed words appearing on my screen, is this like some kind of interlinked network of computers that I’m on now, some sort of “net” or series of tubes? – well, please do not ask such questions, for questioning the punching video is a punchable offense.
And now, here’s a special bonus thing: three minutes of Brad Pitt being hit by cars over and over again for some reason. I myself watched until the minute thirty mark in the video, because I’m still working through my feelings about hearing the neologism “Brangelina” 20,000 times in the past five years. Anyway, take that, Mr. William Bradley “Brad” Pitt. Seven Minutes in Tibet? More like One Hundred Ninety Seconds of You Being Pummeled Relentlessly By Moving Vehicles – amirite? Hi, hello? Does no one remember that movie? Sound of crickets? …Aaah, whatever. Screw you guys; I’m going home.
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