‘Hamlet’ Is a Fox TV Show Now, Because Sure, Why the Hell Not?

According to Deadline Hollywood, Fox TV — of all things — will be creating a “sophisticated, contemporary” version of Hamlet — of all things. That’d be Hamlet, the play by William Shakespeare, universally considered to be one of the greatest things ever written in the English language, but which maybe was lacking in contemporaneity and sophisticated, um, ness — but now, Fox is on the scene to add those things to Hamlet, and thank god.

The new Hamlet TV show will be called America’s Son, because, sure, why the hell not — and will be a “part juicy soap, part political thriller,” according to the writer, a Mr. Paul Redford, who previously wrote for The West Wing, which makes him more than amply qualified to fuck around with the greatest drama in history and borrow from it and reuse it for his own stupid purposes. …Apparently Mr. Redford never heard the following quote: ‘Neither a borrower nor a lender be: For loan oft loses both itself and friend’ — which is a quote from some old play or other, god, who even knows which one. Or this quote — ‘O horrible, O horrible, most horrible!’ — which pretty much sums up all reasonable opinions about this project from Fox.’

ANY-way, so the show is set in Washington, D.C., and here’s the description of the show’s plot:

When a beloved presidential hopeful dies in a tragic car wreck, a renegade JFK Jr. type returns home to D.C. to discover his father’s death was no accident — and he makes it his mission to untangle a complicated web of family secrets, expose the truth and ultimately avenge the murder.

The sight is dismal,’ to quote some play or other yet again. …I mean, really, the show description barely has anything to do with Hamlet, except for the idea of revenge, and the idea of family secrets, which are really just basic archetypal ideas that you could use without pretending that your show is a remake of Hamlet. But then, of course, if you didn’t pretend that your show was a remake of Hamlet, then you’d get less press attention — such as the press attention contained within this article, for instance.

Truly, this Hamlet show is a little more than kin, and a little less than kind. How stale, flat, and unprofitable seem to us all the uses of this world. But we must hold our tongues, for the rest is silence. …And so anyway, now, for no reason, here’s the best film version of Hamlet ever created — Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Hamlet, which is a real thing that actually happened, sort of. Hopefully the TV show will be 1/1000th as good as it. Although, then again, there’s nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so, to quote someone or other, once again. Here’s the video of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Hamlet. Please to enjoy–

Oliver Miller
Oliver has a MFA in fiction from a very expensive college, but has never published any fiction. He has written for Nerve, McSweeney’s, The Huffington Post, and many other websites. His work has been f ...read more

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