10 Random Thoughts from the Past Week

1)  Until this whole “doppelganger” thing started, I never realized that I knew so many people who look JUST LIKE SUPERMODELS.  Thanks, Facebook!

2)  If you’re a 30-something “manchild” like me, putting your iPod on “shuffle” during sex can have major blowback.  “Wow.  You sure do…  have lots of songs from ‘The Muppet Movie.’”  Yeah.  …I sure do.

3)  Speaking of sex, someone should really get on inventing new sexual positions, stat.  Once you get past mish and doggie, it devolves into the gross stuff way super-fast.

4)  I was never on “Team Coco.”  I was on “Team Let’s Horribly Burn Jay Leno in a Fire.”  That’s right; I never feel any love.  Only pure, pure hate.

5)  It’s really hard to come up with jokes about Republicans when they suck twat so bad.

6)  They don’t even HAVE Republicans in Canada.  Yeah.  Pause for a second.  Let that one really sink in.

7)  Thank God that they’re paying the “Jersey Shore” people a shitload of money now.  If anyone’s ready to handle the pressures of fame and fortune, it’s those good kids.

8)  Here’s my new political plan.  Let Obama dissolve the Senate like the Emperor in “Star Wars.”

9)  …Because really, wouldn’t that be great?  OBAMA:  “…My fellow Americans.  Ahem.  Fear will keep the local star systems in line!  Fear of this battle station!”  **…scattered, confused applause**

10)  Number ten is a lie.