Five Ways To Celebrate National Doughnut Day
Today is National Doughnut Day. As a good American you are probably thinking to yourself: “I love doughnuts but I haven’t made any plans and National Doughnut Day is already almost over. What can I do to celebrate?” Well, friend, you have options, five of which I’ve outlined below. You’re welcome. I will accept a box of Krispy Kremes for your gratitude.
Use Donut Lip Gloss
Yes, this exists. Not only is the lip gloss doughnut flavored, but it comes in these ridiculous doughnut-shaped containers.
Burn Donut Candles
For when you just want the smell of a fresh batch of jelly donuts, without all the pesky calories. This is the official candle of National Doughnut Day.
Sketch a Donut Still-life, Using a Donut Scented Pencil
It will be like Smell-O-Vision. Please don’t lick the paper.
Douse Yourself in Glazed Doughnut Body Wash (In Case Doughnut Candles Weren’t Enough)
Then go out and document how many people confusedly look around searching for where the doughnut scent is coming from. Oh…and see how many bugs this attracts.
Go to Krispy Kreme or Dunkin’ Donuts For Your Free Doughnut
Okay, this one is obvious, but it’s also the only thing on this list I actually recommend doing. Although it must be noted that Dunkin Donuts’ deal isn’t exactly free: they offer a complimentary doughnut (of any variety) with the purchase of any beverage. Still a pretty good deal. Krispy Kreme’s giveaway is the real deal: one free doughnut, no purchase necessary. If you really want to go overboard — and going overboard is what National Doughnut Day is really all about — dunk your doughnut in doughnut flavored coffee (while burning doughnut scented candles, and after applying doughnut lip gloss).
Follow us on twitter@thefastertimes
- 1 Brooklyn Man Now Living Entirely Off Own Beard Garden
- 2 “Cra Cra” Now Official Diagnosis in New DSM (DSM-5)
- 3 OfficeMax Marketing Director Struggling to Make Staplers ‘Sexy’ and ‘Conversational’
- 4 Area Man Tailors Life To Be More Relevant To His Hulu Advertisements
- 5 First Openly Straight Figure Skater Comes Forward
- 6 Fan Banging Furiously on Glass Could Be the Difference in Hockey Playoffs
- 7 Survey: 88% of Eagles Fans Too Drunk To Spell Nnamdi Asomugha Last Season
- 8 Attorney Actually Starting to Believe Own Bullshit
- 9 Homeless Guy Woos Silicon Valley VCs with Low-Tech Crowdfunding Strartup
- 10 Local Mom Won’t Stop Being First Person to Like Every Goddamn Thing Son Posts to Facebook