Only Man In Texas Without Gun Trusts In Handy Cactus

Jason Levine Jason Levine |
I had a discussion with one of my friends about robberies. She insisted I get a gun to protect myself, but I calmly informed her, no need, because no burglar would want to rob ... more

Why That Headphoned Dude Singing On the Subway Is Such a Pimp

Jason Levine Jason Levine |
Some days I miss not living in a city with a subway anymore. I remember eyeing guy wearing headphones singing out loud on a subway platform and looking around, like Simon Cowel... more
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Bitter, Childless Woman Writes Dear Abby

Jason Levine Jason Levine |
In Dear Abby today, a woman wrote in to complain that mothers insensitively brag about their kids while she has to listen. To this lady: too freakin’ bad. You don’t get to dema... more

Thoughts On ‘I Love My Students With Autism’ Bumper Stickers

Jason Levine Jason Levine |
I saw the “I Love My Students With Autism” bumper sticker today. Why add the “with autism” part? What purpose does that serve? Are you using your autism to love your students... more

Monster Energy Drink Stock Tragically Plummets Following Death Reports

Erik Oster |
Shares of Monster Beverage Corporation tragically fell over 14 percent today, following reports from the Food and Drug Administration that five people “consumed the drink befor... more

What Romney Really Thinks About Women

Rachel Shukert |
Some thoughts about Romney’s attitude toward women that I can’t fit onto Twitter: Forget about the “binders of women” — deliciously ridiculous piec... more

Here’s Your Mitt Romney/Arrested Development Mash-up

Oliver Miller Oliver Miller |
Some people — not me, God knows, but some people — might say that Mitt Romney is a bit of an out-of-touch elitist. This is all based on mild comments that he makes ... more

The 20 Weirdest Books of All Time

Oliver Miller Oliver Miller |
Here, courtesy of me trolling through the “Weird Books” selection at Abe Books, are my selections for the twenty weirdest books of all time. I’m going to pre... more

Sarah Palin Tells Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan to ‘Go Rogue’

Oliver Miller Oliver Miller |
Exciting news, everyone:  Sarah Palin has decided to weigh in and opine on the presidential race. I know. Yes, Sarah Heath Palin, America’s Favorite Sweetheart Who Seems ... more

‘Hamlet’ Is a Fox TV Show Now, Because Sure, Why the Hell Not?

Oliver Miller Oliver Miller |
According to Deadline Hollywood, Fox TV — of all things — will be creating a “sophisticated, contemporary” version of Hamlet — of all things. That... more

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