After five Tony Romo interceptions, I’m officially Romo-phobic. He’s ruining my fantasy football team in the same way he ruined Jessica Simpson for me. Remember Dukes of Hazzard? At least Nick Lachey was in 98 Degrees; what have you done, Tony Romo? The Dallas Cowboys are in trouble, the Arizona Cardinals are unbeaten, and the New Orleans Saints still don’t have a win.

Looking back on an epic Atlanta Falcons comeback to preserve their unblemished record reminds me of the last time I saw a quarterback throw a game-winning 60-yard pass from his own end zone in the fourth quarter – my intramural championship Hail Mary freshman year. Week Four was ridiculous, and it’s great to have the real referees back in the NFL. Joe, Matt, and I try to sort out the nonsense in this week’s NFL Power Rankings.

1. Houston Texans (4-0): A ref needs to flag J.J. Watt for illegal use of the hands, because there’s no way those guns are legal! Zing! On the real though, Sanchez should ride the bench next week, or else he’s going to get SanWICHED! Rimshot! Honestly, the Texans will ground him into a bloody puff of dust. -Matt

2. Atlanta Falcons (4-0): Though they’re clearly the best team in the NFC South, it’s a meaningless title now that everyone else in the division sucks. -Matt

3. Baltimore Ravens (3-1): Since Joe Flacco became a capable quarterback, crime in Baltimore has been cut in half. Ray Rice personally stopped the only murder attempt on University of Maryland’s College Park campus this year, but there were still three bar stabbings after the road loss to the Eagles. Rice can’t do it all… or can he? -Mark

4. San Francisco 49ers (3-1): The Kaepercat sounds a bit clunky at first, but you’ll warm to it once you say it a few times. –Matt

5. New England Patriots (2-2): The Patriots are a .500 team and have outscored their opponents by 42 points. The Arizona Cardinals have scored fewer points than the Patriots have allowed this year, but are still undefeated. I blame Wes Welker. -Mark

6. Green Bay Packers (2-2): After ending the NFL’s lockout of the officials, is there anything the Green Bay Packers can’t do? You know, besides cover the spread. -Mark

7. Chicago Bears (3-1): When things are going well, Jay Cutler is an utter delight. You’ve finally solved your quarterback situation; It’s love. This is the year. But when things are bad he tells all your friends it’s your fault he got fat and stopped having sex with you. -Mark

8. Philadelphia Eagles (3-1): I have to imagine that rooting for the Eagles is like going to bed with a crazy redhead that gives you an awesome blow job, but is definitely going to steal your wallet before you wake up. -Joe

9. Arizona Cardinals (4-0): Kevin Kolb is starting to figure this give-the-ball-to-Larry-Fitzgerald thing out. –Matt

10. New York Giants (2-2): Super Bowl winning coaches are supposed to make ballsy moves to go for it on 4th down, not kick 54-yard field goals on 3rd down with ample time left. I have to believe that Tom Coughlin only did that to make sure that Mike Francesca didn’t fall asleep on the air again. -Joe

11. San Diego Chargers (3-1): I know the Chargers are probably the best team in the AFC West by a decent margin, but I just can’t trust Norv Turner. I’m like a 17-year-old girl with daddy issues, except I cry myself to sleep a lot more. -Joe

12. Minnesota Vikings (3-1): The Vikings being tied for first in the NFC North this late in the year is about as likely as the Saints starting 0-4. -Mark

13. Cincinnati Bengals (3-1): Cedric Benson got run out of town for drunken legal issues, so they brought in a new running back with a nickname of “The Law Firm.” So far, it’s been both ironic and effective. -Mark

14. Denver Broncos (2-2): Forget Sunday’s Broncos-Pats game. When are we going to see Brady and Peyton in one of those DirecTV “Tinkerbell” commercials? Brady could wear Uggs and Peyton could wear an Oreo bikini. All the brands would get a boost, and Peter King would have enough masturbation material to last him 6-8 months. -Joe

15. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-2): Rashard Mendenhall’s return has to be as big a relief to Big Ben as when those rape charges got dropped. -Mark

16. Seattle Seahawks (2-2): I’m waiting for Pete Carroll to come out and say Russell Wilson’s 4 starts were an administrative error, that he meant to start Flynn the entire time but their names got flipped around on the sheet, and Wilson’s 3 picks has nothing to do with any of the weeks lineup changes. –Matt

17. Dallas Cowboys (2-2): That Monday Night game was the equivalent of Dez Bryant grabbing Tony Romo’s throwing hand and pulling a “Stop hitting yourself!” stunt for three hours. -Joe

18. Washington Redskins (2-2): Is there a single Hogette that doesn’t want to blow RG III right now? Matt had a boner that entire Bucs game, and it wasn’t just because I was wearing my slutty jeans. -Joe

19. St. Louis Rams (2-2): They’d never try that goofy trick field-goal play on Arizona, but when they play the Dolphins on October 14th? Oh yeah, they’re doing it. It’ll probably work too. -Matt

20. Detroit Lions (1-3): Who needs a running game when your quarterback can’t complete a pass? There’s a reason the Lions are so bad this year, and it’s everything. I think they’ll bounce back, but this is quite a disappointing start for Detroit. Next thing you know the auto industry will be the best thing about Detroit again. – Mark

21. Buffalo Bills (2-2): Do you think Ryan Fitzpatrick’s parents think about his squandered Harvard education every time the Bills get blown out? -Mark

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-3): Raheem Morris’ returns for revenge. Personally, I believe he told Billy Cundiff to miss those field goals so the Bucs could crawl back in before he dropped the hammer. I believe this because I am a Redskins fan and the only other possibility is that our already talent-depleted team has a kicker who can’t hit chip shots. –Matt

23. Miami Dolphins (1-3): The fact that the Dolphins are only a game out of first place in October, rookie quarterback and all, is a small victory for this franchise. -Mark

24. Carolina Panthers (1-3): If Ron Rivera isn’t going to use to his tailbacks on offense in game-critical situations, then he should at least use them on defense. I’d trust the physical talents and game savvy of DeAngelo Williams, Jonathan Stewart and Mike Tolbert more than whomever Carolina has in their secondary. –Matt

25. New Orleans Saints (0-4): To prepare for Green Bay, Spags handed his players a game plan that consisted of a single page, which read “What did I do to deserve this?” No one noticed. –Matt

26. Indianapolis Colts (1-2): Whatever, happens this season, next season, or the season after, they’re still the guys that lost to the Jaguars. –Matt

27. Oakland Raiders (1-3): In losing 37-6 to the Broncos, the Raiders did a nice job of making the Steelers feel even worse about themselves during the bye week. -Joe

28. New York Jets (2-2): In an act of mercy on the Jets, the 49ers kneeled at the one in a 34-0 victory before running out the clock. In an act of mercy on the football world, Rex Ryan finally stopped talking about the Super Bowl this week. -Mark

29. Kansas City Chiefs (1-3): The brewing Matt Cassell vs. Brady Quinn quarterback controversy is like one of those sleepover “Who would you rather fuck?” games where you pit the fat albino girl against your middle school principal. -Joe

30. Tennessee Titans (1-3): CJ2K5 showed up just in time for everyone to get old and be fired. –Matt

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3): Gabba-Gabbert has shown steady improvement over his rookie outing, with an impressive 5% spike in his accuracy, clocking in at 55.8% for the season so far. The extra .4 yards-per-attempt is icing on the cake. By end of the season, he’ll be biting off an even 6 yards on passing plays. –Matt

32. Cleveland Browns (0-4): The Browns should take solace in the fact that they weren’t a unanimous decision for the worst team in football. Matt had them ranked 31st. -Mark

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What can I say? I couldn’t stay away. Making NFL picks is like sex for me—I feel invincible when it goes right and run to the bathroom and cry when it goes wrong. Let’s do this thing.

Patriots (-4) over BILLS

Can’t see a Brady-Belichick Pats team dropping to 1-3. I know you want the Pats to crash and burn, but it’s the same illogical part of you that wants Ryan Reynolds to get cancer. Yes, the Green Lantern sucked and the Pats success is getting tiresome, but the hate is blurring your judgment. Bills would be a bottom third team in the NFC.

In the AFC, the Pats, Ravens and Texans are in a higher class than anyone else. Don’t talk yourself into going against them.

Vikings (+4.5) over LIONS

All it takes is one 10-6 season for Vegas to misplace absolute faith in the Lions. Matthew Stafford looks like he’s regressed, the run game is mediocre despite Calvin Johnson pulling safeties 20 yards off the ball, and that vaunted D-line is more bark than bite.

Christian Ponder is quietly having the best season of any second-year quarterback; he’s completed over 70 percent of his passes and hasn’t turned the ball over. Vikings fans can finally start making Brett Favre penis jokes without having to think, “But damn it if we wouldn’t take him back.”

Really, isn’t it surprising that Vikings and Packers fans haven’t gotten together to crowdfund a porn where Aaron Rodgers and Christian Ponder look-a-likes do terribly dirty things to Brett Favre while screaming, “DISCOUNT DOUBLE CHECK!?” It’s not gay if it’s football or a State Farm commercial, right?

FALCONS (-7) over Panthers

It’s now fully obvious that Matt Ryan is Peyton Manning reincarnated. Great in the regular season. Early-career playoff choke artist. Deadly in his prime.

Peyton had Harrison and Wayne; Ryan has Roddy and Julio. The difference is that Ryan also has a vicious D working for him and doesn’t spend his free time engaged in bizarre Tinkerbell role-playing with Deion Sanders.

This article, meanwhile, will make you wonder if Cam Newton is scrambling atop a house of cards.

CHIEFS (PK) Over Chargers

Norvell just remembered that it’s September.

49ers (-4.5) over JETS

Yes, please. I want to bet on this game as much as Mark Sanchez wants to get his 17-year-old girlfriend to get her 16-year-old cheerleading friend to embroil Tebow in a sex scandal.

TEXANS (-12) over Titans

It feels weird for a Gary Kubiak-coached team to be this good. I’m not convinced Jake Locker is fixed after one game, especially when he’s not going against Wade Phillip’s 3-4 schemes, which are more unexpected and varied than the piles of food on Wade’s plates at Century Buffet.

Seahawks (-2.5) over RAMS

I loved this line at -1.5 and bet 100 on the Seahawks, but the lack of movement terrifies me. Who the hell is betting on the Rams here? Why hasn’t Vegas moved the line more? Do they have inside information that the regular refs are going to make a statement about the Seahawks bullshit win on Monday night and flag them to death? I keep having nightmares of Ed Hochuli in a leotard, entering the ring to throw a smack down on my bet. And by nightmares I mean sexual fantasies.

CARDINALS (-5.5) over Dolphins

Another line that seems like it should be higher. Personally, I think it just reflects people’s refusal to accept the Cardinals as this year’s 10-6 team with a very good defense and a fatally flawed offense. They’re also ignoring the fact that Ryan “Why Didn’t You Sit Me a Year” Tannehill” is going up against almost killed Tom Brady and Michael Vick in consecutive weeks.

On a side note, the Seahawks and Cardinals are exactly the same team, except the Seahawks might have a magical hobbit playing quarterback and a couple of top-notch “referee intimidation” guys on payroll.

Raiders (+6.5) over BRONCOS

After Peyton Manning’s successful opening Sunday Night win, it was understandable that we wanted to forget the fact that Manning regressed significantly in 2010 ( 6.92 YPA, 17 INTS), and how he’s two years older with a neck that may snap off at any moment.

No one wants to admit that Peyton’s much closer in value to Matt Schaub now than Tom Brady.

Certainly, he’s better than Carson Palmer, who has thrown for almost 300 yards a game this season despite being absolutely terrible. It’s almost like other teams think, “Aw, well, they did gave up a 1st and 3rd round pick for Palmer. We better be nice and let him complete a few.”

Neither of these teams are good, but lucky for them, there are only three good teams in the AFC, and six teams make the playoffs. Let the Clusterfuck to the First Round begin.

Bengals (-2.5) over JAGUARS

Andy Dalton and the Bengals D have reached that quiet competency level where I trust them to beat the shit out of Yo Gabba Gabbert.

PACKERS (-9) over Saints

We’re two months away from a State Farm commercial where a Geico Lizard dressed up as an NFL referee robs Aaron Rodgers.

They’re pissed off. I’m pretty sure the Saints are drunk.

BUCS (-1.5) over Redskins

The big problem with RG III is the joy I feel watching him play. He’s wearing a Redskins uniform, so as a Giants fan, I’m not supposed to feel that way. But Redskins fans are good people, not psychotic dicks like Eagles fans or shit-grinning former-bandwagoners like Cowboys fans. They deserve him.

They also probably deserve a pass rusher, but unfortunately, they lost both of their Pro Bowl pass rushers. That’s a problem, even when you’re playing against Josh Freeman.

Giants (+1) over EAGLES

Jason Paul-Pierre might break Michael Vick and wear him as a shawl.

COWBOYS (-3) over Bears

In a matchup of porous offensive lines and aging defensive fronts, the Cowboys have the more dynamic offense, and Jerry has some awesome blow in his suite.

Image: CBS

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I’m still reeling from a huge loss on the Green Bay Packers Monday Night.

A line reversal in the 49ers upset loss went relatively unnoticed. Las Vegas reaped the rewards of doubling down on a heavy favorite because the game went relatively quietly, save for Coach Harbaugh’s eyes nearly popping out of his head. Monday Night, Las Vegas pushed the action upwards of 85% on the Green Bay Packers by moving the line down, only to have a replacement referee blow multiple calls on a final drive in order to deliver a Las Vegas win.

Even with a 12 point spread, the same scenario is beginning to play out for the Baltimore Ravens and Cleveland Browns on Thursday Night Football. A line reversal is pushing action on the heavily favored (and public favorite) Baltimore Ravens. Sharp money is on the Cleveland Browns early. Do you trust the integrity of the NFL? Is Las Vegas baiting sharp money wagers on the Browns, or is Vegas baiting the public? Can we trust our ability to evaluate the game anymore, or is it all about what call gets blown when?

At this point it seems impossible to believe in anything football-related anymore. Thursday night’s game might come down to who in the Replacement Ref Fantasy Football League has Ray Rice.

Cleveland Browns at Baltimore Ravens (-12, -600, over 43.5)

With a Cleveland Browns win, the New Orleans Saints will be the last winless team in the NFL. It’s a Bountygate tale of revenge, as Roger Goodell fixes football games solely to cripple Jonathan Vilma’s team. Take that, independent arbitration processes. The 1-3 Browns upset the Baltimore Ravens in Baltimore, the Saints are the last team without a win, parity rules, and the curse of Art Modell is eradicated as the Browns make a miraculous Super Bowl run.

If this game isn’t safe – nothing is. The Baltimore Ravens offense is rolling. Joe Flacco is off to a promising start, closing in on 1,000 yards passing. Ray Rice continues to pile up yards from scrimmage even if he fails to find the end zone. Against a Cleveland Browns defense that allows 25 points per game, the Baltimore Ravens should have a big day. The spread is dangerous, but the best team in the division is playing the worst team in football – I don’t see how the Cleveland Browns win this one. With a popular theory that referees are intimidated by home teams, maybe the Ravens can bully their way to covering a spread.

I understand the importance of the rivalry. Art Modell stole a team that never wins anything and took them to a city where they’d prosper and ultimately win a Super Bowl. It’s like dating an ugly girl that you really love, getting dumped, and watching a popular boy court her as she hits puberty and becomes a famous swimsuit model. In the year of Art Modell’s death, I’m sure the Browns would like nothing more than to win this one in Baltimore. Still, I fully expect the death of Art Modell to motivate the Ravens into a blowout victory. I just hope the Browns can score enough to push this game over 43.5 points.

Parlaying the over and the money line into a +120 wager, I’m on the Ravens. I’ll also pick them to cover the spread, but this is an ugly game.

Ravens 31 – Browns 14

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 1/6

Season: 24-24 (but we’d be 28-20 with real referees)

The post Thursday Night Football, NFL Picks and Predictions 9/27: Ravens Browns appeared first on The Faster Times.

After a Monday Night Football disaster between the Green Bay Packers and Seattle Seahawks cost me a week’s pay, sports are starting to make me sad. With the NHL locked out, baseball adding playoff teams, basketball vetoing trades, and football using replacement referees to fix games, the only joy left in sports for me are these NFL power rankings. May they offer you the same reprieve they give me.

1. Houston Texans (3-0): That’ll teach Matt Schaub a wear diamond-encrusted hoop earring under his helmet! –Matt

2. Atlanta Falcons (3-0): So is this street brawl Gregg Easterbrook keeps talking about finally going to happen? – Matt

3. Baltimore Ravens (2-1): The Ravens got their revenge on the Pats by shanking the game-winning field goal directly over the goal post instead of hooking it 50 feet wide of the netting. That should more than make up for not making it to the Super Bowl. – Mark

4. San Francisco 49ers (2-1): I’m not sure what Matt meant last week with “Alex Smith’s got the juice!”, but I’m pretty it’s responsible for last week’s loss to the Vikings. – Mark

5. New England Patriots (1-2): We’re about 2 months from finding out that Bill Belichick has been masturbating on K-balls to fuck up opponents’ game-winning kicks. – Joe

6. Arizona Cardinals (3-0): Someone told Kevin Kolb that the baby wasn’t his and he decided to take it out on the rest of the league. – Mark

7. New York Giants (2-1): The Giants have outscored their opponents 61-14 over the last 5 quarters, which makes me want to do strange things like rub Eli’s belly and call him a good boy or put a few strippers in a cardboard box and mail them to Coughlin’s office. Whether those strippers pop out perky and alive or Coughlin just finds them dead in the box, I’m pretty sure his reaction would be exactly the same. – Joe

8. Green Bay Packers (1-2): KNOCK IT DOWN! This is why you don’t try to catch Hail Mary passes. In their frustration, the Green Bay Packers reportedly discussed “drastic measures” such as taking a knee every play in protest. Clay Matthews suggested “drastic measures” such as eating the next referee to blow a call – or anyone who suggests that the Saints have a better defense than the Packers. – Mark

9. Seattle Seahawks (2-1): We thought about putting the Seahawks ahead of the Packers after their thrilling comeback on Monday night, but nobody in their right mind thinks Seattle was the better team. – Mark

10. Dallas Cowboys (2-1): It looks like the Cowboys’ offensive line is as sick of Tony Romo as the rest of America. – Joe

11. Pittsburgh Steelers (2-1): We’re a bit down on the Steelers in this week’s NFL power rankings because rumor has it one of the replacement refs will be the father of that girl he raped in the bathroom. – Mark

12. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1): There’s a growing scientific theory that we’re living in a video game simulation right now. Watching Michael Vick play quarterback like an 11-year-old play Madden for the first time, I’m starting to suspect those wacky scientists are correct. – Joe

13. Chicago Bears (2-1): The Chicago Bears would be better off if they replaced their left tackle with the fat girl from Glee. Jay Cutler would probably yell at her just as much, but then she’d sing a really inspiring fat girl song once he broke her spirit. – Mark

14. Minnesota Vikings (2-1): So it might be legitimately possible that the Minnesota Vikings defense isn’t as bad as we thought, Adrian Peterson is healthier than we thought, and Christian Ponder is a more capable NFL quarterback than we thought. If their Week Three upset victory against the 49ers goes beyond a replacement referee’s drunk friend saying “Bullshit! If the Vikings beat the Niners I’ll let you sleep with my wife!”, watch out. – Mark

15. San Diego Chargers (2-1): It’s time to replace “Is Matt Ryan elite?” discussion with the “Philip Rivers sucks balls” discussion. –Matt

16. Denver Broncos (1-2): Peyton is nearly back to 2010 form, and if his recovery continues and the AFC West sucks as much as the AFC South did for two years (early signs are promising), he can help this team limp into the playoffs and keep them competitive against a top ranked defense. Now tell me, can Tim Tebow do that? –Matt

17. Cincinnati Bengals (2-1): I’ve thought about it, and try as I might I cannot name five players on this team. Try it – Andy Dalton, AJ Green, The Law Firm… maybe that’s why I’m so surprised they’re tied for first in the AFC North. – Mark

18. Detroit Lions (1-2): It’s a good thing Megatron can catch wobbly ducks. – Mark

19. Buffalo Bills (2-1): After the Texans, Ravens and Pats, the AFC is a total clusterfuck. We’re 13 weeks away from the Bills leading a group of eight 7-8 teams competing for the two wildcard births as they head into the season finale against the Jets, led by Tim Tebow after Sanchez gets sidelined from a bad manicure infection. You know how it ends: with Tebow shirtless and rubbing his nipples, and Ryan Fitzpatrick just saying, “Fuck it, I’m going to law school.” – Joe

20. New York Jets (2-1): Santa, when I said that I wanted a topless Jets Cheerleader, I really didn’t mean Tim Tebow. – Joe

21. Washington Redskins (1-2): RG III may want to give cornerback a try. – Joe

22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-2): To be honest, I admire Greg Schiano’s fervant to commitment to playing football like a dick. –Matt

23. Carolina Panthers (1-2): Maybe I mocked the Clause too early? Maybe his can-do-because-I’m-the-hottest-shit-ever attitude is exactly what this team needs? Or a spare ACL for the defense to pass around. –Matt

24. Tennessee Titans (1-2): To beat great teams, coaches have to reach deeply into their bag of tricks to generate extra points and possessions. So I’m saying that the Titans are the kind of team that needs to do that to beat the third best squad in the NFC North, a division that also has Jay Cutler in it. –Matt

25. Kansas City Chiefs (1-2): I want to dedicate this entry to all of us who drafted Chris Johnson when Jamaal Charles was still on the board. –Matt

26. New Orleans Saints (0-3): Hey guys, buck up! Think of those extra draft picks you’ll haul in when someone trades up to #1 for Matt Barkley! –Matt

27. St. Louis Rams (1-2): Their comeback win against the Redskins had us dreaming of the “greatest show on turf” days. Their six-point performance against the Bears reminded us that the Rams aren’t good at football. – Mark

28. Miami Dolphins (1-2): Joe Philbin is that guy with a magic gift for sucking the fun out of the room. When he walks down South Beach, do people just stop laughing, suddenly sulk, put down their 42 oz Margaritas and go home? If you replaced Tannenhill with an average QB (Matt Moore, David Garrard) and Joe Philbin with a well-intentioned frat boy from the University of Miami, the Dolphins would probably be a playoff team in the super-weak AFC. Sneaky good run defense and a killer rushing attack. – Joe

29. Indianapolis Colts (1-2): Andrew Luck was positively Manning-like on Sunday. Too bad it was 2012, post triple-neck-surgery Manning. –Matt

30. Oakland Raiders (1-2): If anyone has a chance to go 7-9 and win their division, it the Raiders. –Matt

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2): If you subtract Cecil Shorts’ last-minute touchdown catch, Yo-Gabba-Gabbert would have finished the day 9-20, with 75 yards. You read that statline correctly, NOT A SINGLE PICK ON THE DAY! The Gabbert-era starts now! –Matt

32. Cleveland Browns (0-3): I’m not going to kick the Browns while they’re down. With the Ravens up on Thursday night, I’ve got a feeling I’ll have an opportunity to point out their winlessness again next week. – Mark

Questions, comments, aassionate agreement? Sound off in the comments section below.

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The Green Bay Packers and Seattle Seahawks are coming off their most complete games of the season in impressive victories. Both teams struggled in Week One but dominated in Week Two. The Packers used an impressive defensive effort to dismantle the Bears’ offensive line and quarterback Aaron Rodgers was good enough for a convincing win. They were also responsible for all the Jay Cutler bashing in this week’s power rankings. The Seattle Seahawks used one of the last home field advantages in the NFL to hold onto an early lead. The Dallas Cowboys were out-coached, and Tony Romo put forth a mediocre effort in Seattle. After the Seahawks held the explosive Cowboys offense to just seven points, the question may be whether Aaron Rodgers can do what Tony Romo couldn’t. In short, the answer is probably yes.

Green Bay Packers (-3.5) at Seattle Seahawks

I hate spreads that are a half point beyond common finishes, so I’ll be buying this down to three even though I think the Green Bay Packers are the far superior team.

The Seattle Seahawks have one of the last legitimate homefield advantages in the NFL. “The 12th Man” is a very real consideration, particularly on national television for Monday Night Football. Qwest Field will be rocking, but it won’t have the same effect it did last week. For starters, the Seattle Seahawks were gifted a sizable lead by the failures of Dallas Cowboys special teams. With a lead, the Seahawks were able to control the game and keep Tony Romo and the Cowboys one dimensional. Aaron Rodgers is a far more composed quarterback than Tony “slippery fingers” Romo, and the Green Bay Packers are quite openly a one-dimensional team. A heavy dose of passing, not turning the ball over, and taking an early lead will help the Packers dictate the flow of the game — not the Seahawks.

The Seahawks are incapable of winning a shootout with the Green Bay Packers. While they always play better at home, the Seahawks don’t have the offensive weapons to go toe-to-toe with an Aaron Rodgers Green Bay Packers team. Rookie quarterback Russell Wilson will have his hands full if the Packers are able to generate half the rush they did last Thursday. The Green Bay Packers are also playing with three days of extra rest. They turned what is usually a very physical rivalry game in Chicago into a laugher, which should make for a fresh Packers team that is ready to play.

A fresh defense going against a rookie quarterback gives the edge back to the Green Bay Packers, even on the road in a brutal Seattle stadium. Aaron Rodgers leading the dynamic Green Bay offense means poise and efficiency in the passing attack, even if the stout rushing defense of the Seattle Seahawks is able to take away the Packers’ balance. The Cowboys threw away the game very early last week, allowing the Seahawks defense to dominate. I don’t expect the Packers to suffer the same fate this week — particularly off a convincing victory against the Bears.

Packers 27 – Seahawks 14

Confidence: 2/6 Value: 2/6

Season: 18-15

NFL POWER RANKINGS, WEEK THREE

SUNDAY NFL PICKS, WEEK THREE

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As we watched for what felt like hours as John Fox’s head nearly exploded, the replacement referees era of NFL football took one step closer to coming to an end on Monday night. Replacement referees may very well be ruining football as player safety is lost by skirmishes that high school and college officials fail to prevent, calls are blown, and the integrity of the game we believed Roger Goodell stood for suffers the same fate as a used strip club condom. Despite laughable officiating (because otherwise you’d have to cry), Week Three has some exciting football. I promised myself I’d stay away from betting while nonsense officiating lengthens games, but I can’t. The undefeated Atlanta Falcons and San Diego Chargers do battle, there’s a rematch of the AFC Championship between the Patriots and Ravens, and Peyton Manning looks to bounce back against a dominant Houston Texans team. As I watch the Giants bring home our Thursday prediction, I’m excited, but I hope the NFL replacement referees don’t cost me any more NFL Picks and Predictions in Week Three.

NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK THREE

St. Louis Rams at Chicago Bears (-7.5)

The St. Louis Rams capitalized on the inconsistency of the Redskins defense in a comeback win at home. Suddenly, we’re left questioning exactly how bad they really are. Jeff Fisher is a great coach, but can the Rams really contend with the team led by Jay “good luck” Cutler? Look for the Bears to bounce back from an embarrassing loss to Green Bay. Until proven wrong again, the Bears are who I think they are. Just in case, I’ll buy the half point.

Bears 27 – Rams 17

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 1/6

Buffalo Bills (-3) at Cleveland Browns

Both defenses have looked pretty terrible so far this year, but the Bills have expectations of being mediocre and that gives them an edge against a truly horrible Cleveland Browns team. While home teams were incredibly successful last week, I’m not sure that success will carry over. Both teams have holes, but the Bills appear to have fewer weaknesses in a battle of two of football’s most unfortunate franchises.

Bills 34 – Browns 28

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 2/6

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Dallas Cowboys (-7)

I like a teaser here with the 49ers as my biggest play of the day.

Tony Romo was rattled, the defense was shaky, the offense imbalanced, the special teams atrocious, and the Dallas Cowboys were outcoached. Down big early, they weren’t ready for a comeback effort and quite possibly aren’t built for one – despite all their weapons. The offensive line looks like five concussed Billy Bobs from Varsity Blues . It’s all up to Tony “Moxon” Romo, which isn’t fair, but I trust him until the colder months.

Romo finished with 250 yards, a TD and a pick after carving up the Giants for 300+ yards, 3 touchdowns and a pick in a win. This loss fell on special teams, coaching, and defense. At home, I can’t see them suffering a similar fate. Tony Romo is off to a great start and worth trusting at home in Week Three against a demoralized Bucs team. Straight off my fantasy football summary, Tony Romo against the Bucs: 3-0 record, 61-for-86 (71 percent), 908 yards, 11 TDs, 0 INTs. I smell a blowout.

Cowboys 44 – Buccaneers 20

Confidence: 4/6 Value: 2/6

Detroit Lions (-3) at Tennessee Titans

Matthew Stafford hasn’t been effective so far and I’m hoping nothing terrible is wrong with his throwing arm. Assuming he’s healthy, which is the same theory I use for drunk, unprotected sex, everything is going to be okay. The Lions are the better team and will win on Sunday – unless Stafford has arm herpes.

Lions 31 – Titans 20

Confidence: 3/6 Value: 2/6 – A bit gun-shy after all those home victories last weekend.

Jacksonville Jaguars (+3) at Indianapolis Colts

I’m not sold on Andrew “beginner’s” Luck after one win. I’m a hater – you got me.

Jaguars 17 – Colts 14

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 1/6

New York Jets at Miami Dolphins (+3)

If the Jets don’t play Tim Tebow more, they’re going to continue to lose with 10/27 performances from Mark Sanchez. 3 snaps, 2 first downs and 22 yards rushing. Not bad. Against a Dolphins defense that is actually pretty talented, if Rex Ryan continues to put his foot down the Jets could be in trouble. Reggie Bush won’t run for 200 yards, but if he can be effective I like Miami’s chances.

Dolphins 20 – Jets 17

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 2/6

San Francisco 49ers (-6.5) at Minnesota Vikings

The best team in football plays the team that just lost to the Colts. 6.5 points seems pretty damn reasonable.

49ers 38 – Vikings 14

Confidence: 4/6 Value: 2/6

Kansas City Chiefs at New Orleans Saints (-9)

I don’t have much faith in the Saints offense anymore, but I do trust the Chiefs to be a total disaster for one more week. Low confidence, but why not hope for a blowout? The Saints have to be used to playing without a coach by now.

Saints 31 – Chiefs 21

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 1/6

Cincinnati Bengals at Washington Redskins (-3)

The line fell all the way to three points for the Redskins and I still don’t see anything special about the Bengals. I guess that’s responsible for my slight lean here. Still, do you trust the team that lost to the Rams or the one that barely beat the Browns? This one is probably best to avoid.

Redskins 27 – Bengals 23

Confidence: 0.25/6 Value: 1/6

Philadelphia Eagles (-3.5) at Arizona Cardinals

I’ll chalk the Cardinals win up to Bill Belichick being an asshole and sitting Wes Welker too much. I don’t picture the Eagles benching DeSean Jackson for kicks and giggles. I’ll buy the half point to protect myself here, and hope for… sigh… and Eagles win.

Eagles 21 – Cardinals 17

Confidence: 2/6 Value: 1/6

Atlanta Falcons (+3) at San Diego Chargers

This feels like a trap, but have we been given any reason not to trust the Atlanta Falcons? Their defense is mediocre, sure, and I wouldn’t read into their many turnovers against Peyton Manning. Consider instead their second half and evaluate them as such. But the San Diego Chargers aren’t a great team. Their rushing attack has been weak and Ryan Matthews is questionable in his debut Week Three. I feel bad for Philip Rivers, question their defense and coaching, and will take the points. I hope Julio Jones doesn’t drop any touchdown passes this week.

Falcons 33 – Chargers 31

Confidence: 3/6 Value: 3/6

Houston Texans (-1.5) at Denver Broncos

I want to believe in Peyton Manning. I hope last week was a fluke. However, against a Texans team that has yet to show a chink in their fully healthy armor – I have to like the road favorite here in what is essentially a pick’em game.

Texans 30 – Broncos 21

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 2/6

Pittsburgh Steelers (-4) at Oakland Raiders

At my last job a die-hard Raiders fan played an instrumental role in getting me fired. Fuck you, Chuck. I hope the Raiders don’t win a game this year.

Steelers 50 – Raiders 3

Confidence: 2/6 Value: 1/6

New England Patriots at Baltimore Ravens (-3)

In a rematch of the AFC Championship, let’s hope the Ravens make all 20-yard field goals and don’t drop as many touchdown passes. If the Patriots continue their dysfunctional wide receiver biases, I really like the Ravens here. They’re the better defense, the more balanced offense, and the defense seems to have Tom Brady’s number lately.

Ravens 24 – Patriots 20

Confidence: 1/6 Value: 2/6

Season: 18 – 15

NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK THREE – Is Jay Cutler worse than the replacement refs?

The post Week Three NFL Picks and Predictions: Replacement Referees Ruining Football appeared first on The Faster Times.

I can’t decide if the Chicago Bears offensive line is behind Jay Cutler’s struggles, or if Jay Cutler is behind the struggles of his line. Cutler held the ball too long against a Green Bay Packers rush generated solely by an angry Clay Matthews, called out one of the best teams in football only to play like a drunk NFC Championship version of Todd Collins, and then threw a hissy fit. With the replacement refs off to a terrible start, you’d think the Bears line would at least try to get away with some holding to keep their frustrated quarterback on his feet. Either way, it’s no wonder Joe felt a need to make a bunch of Jay Cutler poop jokes in our Week Three edition of NFL Power Rankings.

1. San Francisco 49ers (2-0) – Alex has got the JUICE! –Matt

2. Houston Texans (2-0) – Super-sized french fries, propane, Alamo beer, and Arian Foster. Life is good in Houston for football fans, but the Texans might have more wins than the Astros this year. – Mark

3. Green Bay Packers (1-1) - Aaron Rodgers is the guy you wanted your daughter to marry. Jay Cutler is the guy who pooped on the wedding cake. – Joe

4. Atlanta Falcons (2-0) – After the game Monday night, Peyton Manning drove to a nearby cliff with nothing but a six-pack and a football. Sitting on the hood of his company-issued Buick, he killed the beers in short order and ran his fingers over the creases in his hands. Then, in a fit of anger, he hurled the ball off the cliff, only to have the route jumped by one of Atlanta’s DBs, who promptly returned it for a touchdown. –Matt

5. Baltimore Ravens (1-1) – If not for a dropped pass and a botched chip shot, the Baltimore Ravens would have been in the Super Bowl last year. If they don’t start giving the ball to Ray Rice, my fantasy team isn’t going to make the playoffs. – Mark

6. New England Patriots (1-1) – Tom Brady might be the second prettiest person I know in Boston, but being good looking doesn’t always win football games – especially when your coach benches your only legitimate wide receiver. Wes Welker must have stolen one of Bill Belichick’s hoodies and had sex with it during offseason contract negotiations. – Mark

7. New York Giants (1-1) – For Giants fans, Eli Manning is that buddy who starts the night by cockblocking you as you’re attempting to take home a slutty sure thing by awkwardly lingering next to you, then progressively loosens up as he drinks more, and by the end of the night, he’s ushering you into a cab with three smoking hot Russian girls. The next morning, the night before doesn’t make much sense, but you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. And then he makes you pancakes. – Joe

8. Philadelphia Eagles (2-0) – Right now, the Eagles are on pace for a 16-0 record and 72 offensive turnovers. Something’s gotta give, for the sake of the fans. Have you seen how constipated Eagles fans look lately? – Joe

9. San Diego Chargers (2-0) – When I was in San Diego this spring I got hammered on Memorial Day weekend with a marine about to deploy for his third tour. After finding out he had nowhere to stay I brought him back to my hotel room where he slept on the floor. In the morning I fed him eggs. After a week of getting high atop the cliffs of its beautiful beaches and sharing a Memorial Day moment with one of our nation’s many heroes, I decided there isn’t a more beautiful place in America than San Diego. It will be even more beautiful when Norv Turner’s scarred up face gets run out of town when the Chargers collapse again this year. – Mark

10. Denver Broncos (1-1) – John Elway sold his soul for his first two Super Bowls, so he quickly tired of Tim Tebow trying to save him every Sunday. Week Two proved Peyton Manning isn’t 100% after his neck collapsed under the enormity of his head when Manning had three more interceptions than Tim Tebow and far fewer rushing yards. Maybe the Broncos made the wrong choice. – Mark

11. Pittsburgh Steelers (1-1) – When James Harrison gets back into the lineup, don’t be surprised if Roger Goodell fines him 50,000 dollars to detract attention from how horribly his replacement referees have done. – Mark

12. Arizona Cardinals (2-0) – How weird would it be if they went to the Super Bowl? Let me rephrase that. Would this Cardinals team making it to the Super Bowl be any weirder than the last time the Cardinals went? –Matt

13. Detroit Lions (1-1) – This NFL season, the part of Matthew Stafford will be played by Matthew Perry. – Joe

14. Seattle Seahawks (1-1) – After two very different games in consecutive weeks, it difficult to draw conclusions about this Seahawks team. They can definitely whip the Cowboys ass though. No question about that. –Matt

15. Dallas Cowboys (1-1) – Sometimes, I wonder if Tony Romo is just a passive-aggressive version of Jay Cutler. He certainly left a curt Post It note on Tyron Smith’s locker after that Seahawks game. – Joe

16. Carolina Panthers (1-1) – The best part about this team is that they still have Jimmy Clausen on the roster. The cameras should cut to him sulking on the bench more often. –Matt

17. New Orleans Saints (0-2) – The most obvious explanation for their 0-2 start is that Alex Smith used voodoo to steal Drew Brees’ accuracy during halftime at the NFC Divisional playoffs. The next three most likely causes for the Saints’ recent swoon is A) Superdome built on Indian burial ground, B) Sean Peyton Devil-Pact, and C) the Illuminati. –Matt

18. Chicago Bears (1-1) – Roger Goodell has a new scandal on his hands: rumor has it, there’s a 10K bounty available for the first Bear to poop in Jay Cutler’s locker. And yes, that’s the 2nd Jay Cutler poop joke I’ve made in this column. Between the poop jokes and the bizarre Eli Manning sexual fantasy above, my Freudian therapist is going to have a fucking ball reading this. – Joe

19. Washington Redskins (1-1) – RGIII is the real deal, but with Orakpo and Kerrigan out, the D may be worse than that commercial where Orakpo gets a hard on from tricking a cave man into cross-dressing. – Joe

20. New York Jets (1-1) – Believing the Jets were the team that showed up Week One against the Bills is like believing Rex Ryan’s explanation to Tim Tebow that he was just cleaning that girl’s feet. – Mark

21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-1) – If it worked, Schiano would be an outlaw-genius. -Matt

22. Buffalo Bills (1-1) – If only the replacement referees could be as effective as Buffalo’s replacement running back. – Mark

23. St. Louis Rams (1-1) – On the one hand, Sam Bradford picked apart a defense that held Drew Brees to a sub-50% completion percentage. On the other, it was the shitty fucking Redskins who get your hopes up every year and then just slam the door right in your face the moment you let you guard down and you end up wandering around Brooklyn, wasted and crushed. –Matt

24. Cincinnati Bengals (1-1) – If the Bengals could play the Browns at home every week, they’d be at least a .500 football team. – Mark

25. Minnesota Vikings (1-1) – If they let Joe Webb start at QB and Chris Kluwe coach the team, they’d be awesome. As it is, they’re going to get destroyed by the 49ers this week. – Joe

26. Miami Dolphins (1-1) – You may have had a great game last week, Reggie, but you’ll always be the guy who got Ray J’s sloppy seconds to me. – Mark

27. Indianapolis Colts (1-1) – So this Luck kid might be all right after all. Just throw in a quality defensive tackle, some safeties, a defense end to replace Dwight Freeney, another one to step in for Mathis, a guy to take Reggie Wayne’s job, a half decent running back and a little more depth at the O-line, and we can get this Super Bowl show back on the road. –Matt

28. Tennessee Titans (0-2) – Chris Johnson went from being the coolest CJ in the league, to the second coolest CJ, to somewhere outside the top 20 coolest CJ’s in three years. –Matt

29. Kansas City Chiefs (0-2) – The Kansas City Chiefs have both their running backs and it’s Week Three of the NFL season. Even at 0-2, that’s an upgrade over last season. – Mark

30. Oakland Raiders (0-2) – Apparently an awesomely mediocre defense, monster halfback, speedy wide receivers, and the ghost of Carson Palmer still isn’t enough to win games in Oakland. At least what the Raiders lack in discipline and execution they make up for with the craziest fans in football. If Raiders players were allowed to play with those spiky shoulder pads in the stands, maybe they’d have a win. – Mark

31. Cleveland Browns (0-2) – Trent Richardson is quickly becoming the Maurice Jones Drew of his generation. – Mark

32. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-2) – The Jacksonville Jaguars should have made a stronger push for Tim Tebow this offseason. In all seriousness, could you imagine the Broncos offense from last year with MJD as the RB? – Mark

Questions, Comments? As always, feel free to sound off below.

The post NFL Power Rankings Week Three: Jay Cutler Is Replacement Refs Bad appeared first on The Faster Times.

A lot of strange things happen when three writers, all fans of different NFC East teams, get together to write weekly NFL power rankings. The New York Giants somehow find their way in front of the Dallas Cowboys despite losing at home to Tony Romo’s Cowboys (or should I say Kyle Ogletree’s Cowboys) to open the season last Wednesday. The Washington Redskins receive one misguided vote for first, one vote for 15th, and one sarcastic vote for 32nd to restore balance. After a first week of the NFL season that went pretty much according to plan, we’ve compiled our first installment of weekly NFL Power Rankings that are no less accurate than they are funny. Keep in mind, however, these rankings were generated before the Green Bay Packers dominated a disappointing Chicago Bears team on Thursday night.

1. San Francisco 49ers (1-0) – It’s quite possible that the only weakness on this team (besides fumbled kick returns) is the mediocrity of Alex Smith. With new weapons at wide receiver, a capable running game, and the best defense in football – an upset win against the Green Bay Packers may only be the beginning for the Niners. – Mark

2. New England Patriots (1-0) – A nice, convincing win from one of the best offenses in football. Led by the rookies they expect to fill gaping holes, the defense looked great too. In a weak division and a top-heavy AFC, expect more of the same each week. – Mark

3. Baltimore Ravens (1-0) – The Ravens are one of the most balanced and talented teams in the NFL. Joe Flacco is consistent, Ray Rice is dynamic, and this defense is still extremely capable. In a weak division, the Ravens have a clear path to the playoffs. – Mark

4. Houston Texans (1-0) : Remember that time the Texans almost went to the AFC Championship with a former British poet-laureate under center? That was last year. –Matt

5. Green Bay Packers (0-1) : Bold 2012 Prediction: For the first time in 100 years, “The last time The Pack went 9-7 they won the Super Bowl!” will supplant ”Oh geez!” as the most common phrase said in a Midwestern accent. –Matt

6. Denver Broncos (1-0): John Elway found God’s other chosen son just in time to swap before the season opener. Good thing too, because God’s first chosen is a pretty shitty quarterback. –Matt

7. Chicago Bears (1-0): Brandon Marshall is Jay Culter’s spirit animal. –Matt

8. New York Giants (0-1) -Don’t worry, Giants fans. Eli is 17-1 during weeks that he gets drunk in Hoboken, wanders into a karaoke bar, dances with fat chicks, and blames it all on David Carr. – Joe

9. Atlanta Falcons (1-0) – Matt Ryan and the Falcons are shooting to be the first team to average 40 points a game and then get shut out of the playoffs since the 1999 Vikings. – Joe

10. Dallas Cowboys (1-0) – Like all men destined to eventually appear in Cialis commercials at age 60, Romo performs best when pressure and expectations are low. – Joe

11. Detroit Lions (1-0) – Fantasy owners were surprised to learn that Kevin Smith is the Lions’ new #1 wide receiver, particularly since he weighs 400 pounds and his last movie sucked. –Matt

12. New Orleans Saints (0-1) - It’s only a matter of time before the fans start clammering for the Interim-Interim-Interim coach to take over. – Joe

13. Pittsburgh Steelers (0-1) - Ben Roethlisberger has never impressed me much. He’s an above-average quarterback, a terrible motorcycle driver, and an overly aggressive lover. With questions at running back and an aging defense, I don’t see Big Ben carrying the Steelers very far. – Mark

14. Philadelphia Eagles (1-0) - There’s now a whole new Dog Pound Vick is going to be having bad dreams about. – Joe

15. Washington Redskins (1-0) - Matt ranked the Redskins number one, which is pretty cute, like when a fat 7th grader slow dances with a girl for the first time and then runs around with an erection telling everyone that he has a girlfriend. – Joe

16. New York Jets (1-0) - With Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the leg and Rex Ryan’s foot fetish, I feel like I missed a pretty good joke somewhere along the line last season. Now, the biggest joke about the Jets is their general dysfunction. Still, after not scoring a single touchdown all preseason, the Jets put up 48 points against the Buffalo Bills. This was likely a glimpse into how bad the Bills will be rather than an indication that things have turned around for the Jets, though.

17. San Diego Chargers (1-0) - They were able to overcome a stout effort by a proud Raider’s defense, but Antonio Gates’ injury is major concern moving… wait, I feel like I’ve written this sentence three times in a row. –Matt

18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (1-0) – After watching a super-disciplined Bucs team manhandle the Panthers last week, I’m starting to suspect the GOP should have let Greg Schiano handle their convention in Tampa. – Joe

19. Carolina Panthers (0-1) – Is it possible that someone replaced Cam Newton with Bryon Leftwich last week and no one in the South noticed? – Joe

20. Seattle Seahawks (0-1) – Why is everyone suddenly expecting Marshawn Lynch to do anything other than disappoint? On this one-dimensional offense with a rookie quarterback, I expect the Seahawks to have another extremely mediocre season. They still have the biggest home-field advantage in football, but that’s not enough on a team this weak. – Mark

21. Tennessee Titans (0-1) – They wrecked Tom Brady’s pretty-boy face, so, net win! –Matt

22. Oakland Raiders (0-1) – Usually the Raiders solid special teams unit covers for their mediocre defense and terrible offense. Now, they’re pretty good defense is covering for their mediocre offense and awful special teams. It does seem like a step forward. –Matt

23. Kansas City Chiefs (0-1) – It’s one thing to get shit on by a real playoff team like the Ravens or Patriots. It’s another to be shit on by a fake playoff team like the Falcons or the Jets. – Matt

24. Cincinnati Bengals (0-1) – Andy Dalton to AJ Green could be an effective passing connection, but the Bengals are in trouble this season. BenJarvus Green-Ellis looks like he’ll fail miserably without the Patriots offense behind him and Dalton still isn’t ready yet. – Mark

25. Arizona Cardinals (1-0) – Kevin Kolb stepped in for an injured John Skelton and led the Cardinals on a game-winning drive. Unfortunately, the Cardinals may have gotten their most exciting moment out of the way in their first game. – Mark

26. Minnesota Vikings (1-0) – So long as they lose the next 15 games, they still have a good chance to land to land the #1 overall draft pick in 2013. –Matt

27. St. Louis Rams (0-1) – A healthy Steven Jackson means the Rams may surprise people, but this is an entirely mediocre football team. – Mark

28. Buffalo Bills (0-1) – Without Fred Jackson, the Bills offense will be as bad as their defense was against the Jets on Sunday. – Mark

29. Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1) – Apparently, I’m supposed to be impressed that Blaine Gabbert completed a pass that was farther than 10 yards up field. The Jags best move is to reinvent Gabbert as a ballsy out of the pocket passer who wins by pure grit, and then trade him to the Jets for some second-rounders. –Matt

30. Indianapolis Colts (0-1) – As an impartial observer, it looks like Andrew Luck has a bright future in the NFL and, with a little help, could make the Colts a regular Super Bowl contender. As a Redskins fan, I noticed that Luck can chew on a huge bag of dicks since the skins are going to destroy everyone’s shit for the next decade, so you can just sit back and enjoy the ride because we’re going to shove it so far down your throats that your rectum will explode. And RG3’s better looking. And he has cooler socks. –Matt

31. Miami Dolphins (0-1) – The Dolphins have a rookie quarterback, lost their best receiver, and are depending on Reggie Bush to replicate his best NFL season without the love of a Kardashian woman to keep him motivated. Miami hasn’t looked this bad since the cast of Jersey Shore visited. – Mark

32. Cleveland Browns (0-1) – Four interceptions and 118 yards is only slightly worse than what we expected from Brandon Weeden, who we knew wasn’t ready to lead a team this terrible. – Mark

Questions, comments? Feel free to sound off below.

WEEK TWO NFL PICKS AND PREDICTIONS: 49ERS LIONS HANDSHAKE REMATCH

The post NFL Power Rankings Week Two: Before the Packers Crushed the Bears appeared first on The Faster Times.

The New Orleans Saints players won their appeal against unreasonable Roger Goodell suspensions and the Bounty-Gate fiasco was overturned – for the players. Coach Sean Payton is still suspended for the year, which will hurt Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints. The Atlanta Falcons still have a balanced offense with four extremely talented offensive weapons. Can the Falcons catch the Saints in the 2012 NFC South? The Carolina Panthers made great strides with Cam Newton behind center and possess one of football’s deepest rushing attacks, but can they compete with elite NFL talent like the Atlanta Falcons and New Orleans Saints? The Tampa Bay Buccaneers rebuilt their team, but appear to be the weakest of the NFC South.

New Orleans Saints (13-3): When I think of Drew Brees, I think of a mangled shoulder from diving into a pile to try to recover a fumble. I think of Hurricane Katrina. I think of overcoming all obstacles with an unbridled passion and unmatched force of will. Drew Brees will lead the New Orleans Saints through the adversity if Bounty-Gate. He’s faced worse than the suspension of his talented head coach, and he is the unquestioned leader of this team. The passing attack is still just as ferocious as ever, and the rushing corps is deep and talented. The Saints offense is as complete as their defense is incomplete. Then again, when you have Drew Brees throwing for 500 yards, do you really need a defense? The Saints should win the 2012 NFC South.

Atlanta Falcons (11-5): Matt Ryan has two elite wide receivers in Julio Jones and Roddy White. Suddenly, the Atlanta Falcons passing attack is dynamic. While Michael Turner is getting old, the rushing attack is still effective. The Atlanta Falcons represent a balanced offense. However, their defense is simply average. They’ll win games with their offense and they’ll be consistent again in 2012, but the New Orleans Saints appear to be the better team in the NFC South. At the very least, they’re the sexiest, and I’m in love with Drew Brees. I can’t see the Falcons overtaking the exciting offense of the New Orleans Saints. This is a playoff team, but not a division champion.

Carolina Panthers (8-8): Cam Newton turned heads in his rookie season and the Carolina Panthers were a pleasant surprise last season. His presence rejuvenated Steve Smith and gave the Panthers an impressive rushing attack. The tandem of Deangelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart is one of the best in football. Still, the Panthers are incomplete. Those dynamic players are probably only good enough for a .500 record in the NFC South, behind such talented teams as the New Orleans Saints and Atlanta Falcons.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-11): The days of LeGarratte Blount starting in the backfield appear to be over as quickly as they began. Rookie running back Doug Martin brings questions, but he could be one of the best rookie backs in football this year. Josh Freeman is poised for a fantastic season. Still, the Buccaneers are rebuilding. They have young talent at the skill positions, but their defense was an absolute catastrophe last season. This team isn’t ready to compete in the loaded AFC South.

READ MORE 2012 DIVISION PREVIEWS AND PREDICTIONS HERE:

READ WEEKLY NFL PICKS AND PREDICTIONS HERE (Center Column):

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In a division where Tim Tebow was able to lead the Denver Broncos defense to a division title, it’s hard to expect anything less from one of the greatest quarterbacks to ever play the game. Peyton Manning certainly looked rusty when the preseason began, but made progress with each game. Peyton Manning appears back to the form that will make him a Hall of Fame quarterback. As such, the Broncos look poised to separate themselves from the mediocre pack that comprises the 2012 AFC West. The San Diego Chargers, Oakland Raiders, and Kansas City Chiefs are in trouble.

Denver Broncos (10-6): Peyton Manning is certainly the reason the Broncos are my pick to win the 2012 AFC West. Peyton Manning looked healthy throughout the preseason and was able to shake off the rust that comes from a lost season. The Denver Broncos defense was one of the best in football last season and helped clinch the AFC West in 2011. With a strong defense and a capable, traditional quarterback at the helm, the Denver Broncos could be an elite team in the AFC this season. John Fox proved he is an excellent coach and his creativity led the Broncos into the second round of the playoffs. With Peyton Manning behind center, anything is possible for this Denver Broncos team. Manning is used to a mediocre rushing attack, makes the receivers around him better, and has a chip on his fused vertebrae.

San Diego Chargers (8-8): The San Diego Chargers will be motivated this season, as it will surely be Norv Turner’s last if they fall short of the playoffs again. Ryan Matthews is an effective back when healthy and Philip Rivers is one of the most passionate, talented quarterbacks in the NFL. Ultimately, the Chargers lack the weapons to compete in the AFC. The offense is far from dynamic and there are questions about a mediocre defense. It will be another .500 season for the Chargers.

Oakland Raiders (7-9): I don’t believe in Carson Palmer. I think Palmer did little more than disrupt a playoff-caliber Raiders team last season and the effects of a desperate trade will cripple this franchise for years to come. The Oakland Raiders have speedy, talented receivers and an effective rushing attack when Darren McFadden is healthy. However, injury problems, quarterback problems, and a general dysfunction will keep the Raiders from contending in the 2012 AFC West.

Kansas City Chiefs (6-10): The Chiefs have a dynamic offense. Matt Cassel is an effective quarterback, Dwayne Bowe is one of the best receivers in the AFC, and this rushing attack could be one of the best in football if Jamaal Charles is fully recovered from a torn ACL. Unfortunately, the defense is weak. The secondary has serious questions after losing their top cover corner this offseason. The Chiefs will win games with their rushing attack, but they’ll lose games defending the pass. This is the weakest team in the AFC West.

READ MORE DIVISION PREVIEWS AND PREDICTIONS HERE:

READ WEEKLY NFL PICKS AND GAME PREDICTIONS HERE (Center Column):

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