NFL Power Rankings: Rodgers On Top, Sanchez’s Pants Unsoiled

Tom Brady was on fire, but Aaron Rodgers is still QB #1.

Meanwhile, Peyton Manning languishes on the bench while Cam Newton nips at his records, and Tony Romo, despite a valiant effort by the Sanchize, maintains his title as the NFL’s top choke artist. It feels good to be back.

1. Packers (1-0): In the words of Omar; you come at the king, you best not miss. Every time Green Bay’s offense took the field, touchdowns were all but a foregone conclusion. It was just a matter of when and how. Their defense gave up 477 yards, but held Brees and company to field goals on two drives, then stuffed the Saints on the last play. Not a bad way to start the year. –Matt

2. Patriots (1-0): With Peyton out of the picture, the Best-QB-Alive crown is Brady’s for the taking. He looks as dominant as ever, and the Haynesworthified pass-rush is impressive. Ditto for the Woodhead/BenJarvus running tandem. But as a rule, if Chad Henne can unload on your secondary, you have a problem in the making. –Anthony

3. Ravens (1-0): Last Sunday, one AFC North squad proved that veteran’s experience and team synergy can overcome the decay of age. That team definitely was not the Steelers. Also, give the Baltimore’s offense credit for learning that they’re allowed to play well in all four quarters, not just the first three. –Matt

4. Eagles (1-0): The weaknesses are there (see: Steven Jackson gashing the Iggles for a touchdown on St. Louis’s first play from scrimmage), and once teams figure out to exploit them, this season probably won’t be the cake-walk everybody predicted. But these guys are just spoiling for a fight anyway. I’m still not sold they’re an automatic contender, and beating the Rams isn’t particularly remarkable, but they might just be who we thought they were. -Anthony

5. Saints (0-1): Few people came out of Monday Night’s game distressed about the Saints. The offense looked fantastic, Darren Sproles was everything Reggie Bush wasn’t, and honestly, at this point, Aaron Rodgers could hang 42 points on the aliens from Space Jam. He’s that good. –Joe

6. Chargers (1-0): It looks like this year will be one of those disappointing seasons in San Diego, as opposed to a disastrous one. –Matt

7. Jets (1-0): Mediocre QB, phenomenal everything else. They didn’t so much win their game as have the Cowboys hand it to them, but a W is a W. They’ll probably whale on the Jags with impunity next week, but you have to wonder how long the imbalance will hold. -Anthony

8. Steelers (0-1): Defying expectations, 31-year-old Ike Taylor shutdown Baltimore’s number one deep threat Lee Evans, holding him to exactly zero receptions. Everyone else, however, played like shit. –Matt

9. Bears (1-0): It must be comforting for Bears fans to know that their team can haul in a decisive victory even if Jay Cutler gets sacked five times and throws a pick 6, because the O-line hasn’t gotten much better. –Matt

10. Texans (1-0): They’re by far the best team in the division. I can’t wait to see how they f*ck this up. –Joe

11. Lions (1-0): Matthew Stafford had the entire city of Detroit chewing its nails when he limped off the field after a beautiful touchdown pass to Calvin Johnson. Luckily, he just had a rock in his shoe. –Matt

12. Falcons (0-1): I’m feeling less good about Matt Ryan after he literally placed the ball on the ground for the Bears to pick up and return for a touchdown. By the end of the season, he could be considered the worst quarterback in the NFC South if Jaasshhhhh Freeman and Cam Newton continue their ascension. At the very least, he is already by far the whitest QB in the division. –Joe

13. Redskins (1-0): Beating up on the gimpy Giants isn’t exactly anything to brag about, but I’m not gonna lie: they looked pretty good. –Anthony

14. Rams (0-1): With their two biggest offensive threats off the field with injuries, St. Louis was a far cry from a real playoff contender. But that doesn’t mean they can’t be an NFC West playoff contender. –Matt

15. Raiders (1-0): More yards lost to penalties than gained through the air, 6 sacks given, and a perfect punt returned by the opposition for a touchdown, the Raiders made it work by shoving the ball down Denver’s throat, throwing some elbows around, and firing off a gutsy 63-yard field goal. Just win baby. –Matt

16. Bills (1-0): Holy Christ, 41-7?! This is either a harbinger of things to come, or God’s way of turning to Stevie Johnson and yelling “THERE. YOU HAPPY NOW?!” before He condemns Buffalo back to the land of fifty-point beatdowns. –Anthony

17. Cowboys (0-1): They looked better under Garrett than they did under Wade, which is really the best that can be said for their effort against the Jets. As for TFT favorite Tony Romo (you know, the guy everyone besides me says is Top 10), let’s recap: he chokes away a 14-point lead in the 4th, forces a pass to a hobbled Dez Bryant that turns into a Revis pick (the DUMBEST decision of this very young season), then kills a crunch-time drive because, five years later, he still can’t catch the goddamn snap. And this guy’s supposed to be elite?! Still not buying it. With that said: Rob “Fabio” Ryan clearly has the defense looking energetic, and Bryant’s textbook grab on Revis Island (!) in the first quarter suggests future greatness. –Anthony

18. Cardinals (1-0): Cam Newton’s electric outing overshadowed Kevin Kolb’s performance, but lit up the Panther’s secondary. He completed 18 of 27 passes for 309, and only three were to Larry Fitzgerald. Eight different receivers got a catch and six of them had more than two receptions. He and Newton are really in the same boat; either they’re answer to their respective teams’ QB problems, or they got to play a garbage defense during their debuts. –Matt

19. Buccaneers (0-1): Well, we all know that the Bucs are incapable of beating above-.500 teams, so I guess Sunday was great news for Lions fans! –Joe

20. 49ers (1-0): Tedd Ginn Jr. saved the day, but the 49ers will need to convert a third down eventually. –Matt

21. Giants (0-1): Yes, everybody is hurt, and as much as I love Dave Tollefson, benching Tuck with a bad neck changed the entire dynamic of the defense. Plenty of teams are completely different when one player sits out (for instance, the Steelers almost never win if Troy Polamalu sits out); their presence just changes the whole dynamic, and it looks like Tuck is that guy with the Giants. BUT. The fact that Mr. Top Five didn’t shake off the injuries to his squad, step up and will his team to victory over the one NFC East team who’s traditionally been his punching bag is very disconcerting. Blood is in the water already, and they’ll need to convincingly pound the Rams to keep the sharks from circling. –Anthony

22. Jaguars (1-0): Jack Del Rio will look back at this week fondly when he’s 2-6 at the bye. You don’t get to play the corpse of Matt Hasselbeck every week. –Joe

23. Vikings (0-1): Traditional passing stats will tell you that McNabb was the worst quarterback in week 1, but according to ESPN’s brand-spanking-new QBR, he’s a cut above the bottom five at 28^th in the league for overall performance. The bad news? Tavaris Jackson is 27^th. –Matt

24. Bengals (1-0): After an impressive showing against the Browns on Sunday, the Bengals have propelled themselves from the worst team in the league, to fifth or sixth worse team in the league. Their schedule pits them against beer-bracket teams until week ten, and, if they can keep it up, they’ve got a real shot at finishing 8 and 8. –Matt

25. Titans (1-0): I think that Matt Hasselbeck was replaced by the creepy bald dude from There’s Something About Mary and no one really noticed. Now how long until he freaks and breaks out in hives because he can’t get Brett Favre’s sloppy seconds? (That’s actually the plot of that movie) –Joe

26. Browns (0-1): Good news Cleveland! Your loss to the Cincinnati Bengals qualified as an upset! –Matt

27. Broncos (0-1): A key asset for Denver is John Fox’s near-deafness. When they go into the bye 1-4 and the fan’s angry chats for Tim Tebow rattle Mile-High, he’ll be able to say “I didn’t hear anything” and mean it. –Matt

28. Dolphins (0-1): The league’s least-buzzed about team has at least one game of hard-nosed football in them, but it only took three quarters to gas out the defense. Henne looked surprisingly solid against New England’s stiff pass rush, the question now becomes if he can close out games before Miami’s defense loses its steam. –Anthony

29. Chiefs (0-1): Last season’s run to the playoffs was a bit miraculous, and there was no way Matt Cassel could keep up his obscene touchdown to interception ratio, so some drop off was expected. But getting blown out at home? To the Bills? The Bills haven’t had a blow out victory since George Bush I was in office! To make matters worse, much of the budding young talent that gave them some hope for another playoff appearance is out for the season. Without Tony Moeaki and Eric Berry, they’re looking like a hacky sequel to 2009. –Matt

30. Panthers (0-1): Holy fudge Cam Newton! A week ago, you would’ve thought I’d be writing that sentence because Cam Newton was found stoned out of his mind swimming around in an above-ground pool filled with fudge outside Charlotte. Instead, I’m talking about 422 yards, 2 TDs, and a hell of a lot of hope for the Panthers. –Joe

31. Colts (0-1): I know that we always raised the hypothetical “What would the Colts be like without Peyton Manning?” but none of us really wanted to witness the results. It’s like when you ask “What if 27 midgets tried to have an orgy in a standard office cubicle?” –Joe

32. Seahawks (0-1): Is anyone surprised that the worst playoff team in NFL history lost their opener? –Matt

Written by Matt Alberswerth, Anthony Benigno and Joe Lazauskas. Picture taken from HAIRSTYLES: Green Bay Packers Gallery

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