Monster Fart Prompting Management to Rethink “Open Office”

office-worker

An Acme employee struggles to breathe in the minutes after the fart.

A single monster fart is forcing management at Acme Technologies in Woodstock, IL to reconsider the usefulness of the “Open Office” concept. Although the company has long claimed that its wall and partition-free work area is great for increased collaboration, the monster fart from an unidentified employee could change the way Acme does business going forward.

According to a statement released by Acme, the fart was released in the early afternoon on Wednesday, just after most employees had returned from lunch. What started out as a few people arching their eyebrows and sniffing the air, rapidly transformed into a stampede toward the emergency exits.

“That was insane,” said Acme employee Calvin Lerner, who was still using his shirt as a makeshift gas mask 45 minutes after the mighty rip. “I didn’t know what was happening at first. I just heard Marilyn in accounting scream, ‘Sweet Jesus’ and then it hit me too.”

While the investigation continues, witnesses said it will be impossible to determine the fart’s point of origin. “It smelled like it was coming from everywhere,” said Acme employee Crytsal Danvers, who briefly lost consciousness after the odor hit her. “I really, really wish I had my office back.”

Acme CEO Sharon Shullenberg said the company would spend the next month reviewing its open office floor plan. “I just went back in there to get my keys, and you can still smell it, ” said a visibly shaken Shullenberg. “I haven’t gone over the numbers yet, but I can’t imagine that monster, room-clearing farts help our productivity.”

 

Norman Stern
Norman Stern is a Texas-based writer and editor. ...read more

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