Roseanne Barr to Run for President

But seriously.

In the midst of all the political chaos and bitching, I think what we really need right now is to step back and take a quick scan of what the race for presidency is becoming. From the right, we have a handful of batshit crazy being offered (for the most part), and from the left we have…Obama who has done very little throughout his entire term.

Go ahead, bring on the hateful, enraged comments.

But hear me out. Want to know what we really need? Even more than an economically savvy president? Even more than one who has extensive foreign policy knowledge? We need someone who won’t tolerate bullshit. We need Roseanne Barr.

I know, it’s perfect, right?

Thankfully, Barr announced last night that she will seek the Green Party’s nomination for the 2012 presidential election. Just when I thought there was no hope for this country, she came through for me.

“Vote for me, I’ll fix this shit!” is her campaign slogan as displayed on Twitter (and has been retweeted by 234 people so far.)

Yes.

See, that’s someone I can believe in, right there. Someone who will candidly declare that they will fix this shit. We have a lot of shit that needs fixing, guys.

Roseanne does have some competition, although really they don’t stand a chance, let’s be honest. Three other candidates have thrown in their bids. But Barr’s platform is such a winning one that I don’t see how they aren’t pulling out right now.

Let’s look further into her agenda, which was announced in a 2010 blog post, shall we?

STEP ONE: MAKE WAR ILLEGAL, AND LEGALIZE HEMP
STEP TWO: CHANGE THE DEMOGRAPHICS OF GOVERNMENT
STEP THREE: (MOST IMPORTANT) I WILL OUTLAW BULLSHIT

Rock on, Roseanne.

Roseanne further explains, in all her feminist glory, “Without Bullshit, the Twin Towers of Patriarchy, Warmongering-Piracy and Woman Hating-Pedophilia will collapse under their own weight.”

Her opinion of our men in charge so far?

Sadly the current leaders of the world – 99% of them male, are selfish idiots, moral cowards, greedy incompetents and sexual degenerates who cannot keep their penises in their pants at all, ever, for any reason….I declare Patriarchal Politics obsolete, and I call forth Divine Matriarchy, the only thing that can save this sad planet at this late and dying date.

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