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Man Emasculated by Own Dog’s Huge Swinging Nutsack

Oliver Miller Oliver Miller |
RENO, NEVADA — When Eli Munson recently bought a puppy, the last thing on his mind was his own lack of sexual prowess. But what a change a few quick months can bring. Muns... more
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Porn Site’s Apparel Section Simply Baffling

Faster Read Faster Read |
Today, during Google searches of cute bunny pictures and ancient Chinese dynasties, I saw an ad for a porn site that sells apparel. I can’t wrap my mind around this concept. Wh... more

Two Dudes On Subway Sitting Across From Each Other to Reinforce Heterosexuality

Jason Levine Jason Levine |
Recently, I saw two men who were obviously good friends get on the subway car I was riding. They proceed to sit across the aisle from each other, and proceeded to continue thei... more
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IKEA Introduces Cardboard Bed for Slumming Teens

Terry Fedelberg Terry Fedelberg |
In a much-hyped media event on Wednesday, IKEA introduced a line of easy-to-construct beds made out of a ripped piece of cardboard. The beds can be set up almost anywhere, and ... more

True Story: Sad Chocolate Bar Found In England

Oliver Miller Oliver Miller |
Stop everything that you’re doing right now and read this thing that you are already currently reading! Important news coming out of England. Sad chocolate bar. …The Daily Mail... more

Asexual Public Masturbator Staring Off At Nothing

Terri Fedelberg Terri Fedelberg |
In New York City’s Times Square on Tuesday, there was a shocking, yet not all too unusual site—a man was standing in the middle of the street pleasuring himself. What made this ... more
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Wild Protests Over Zimmerman Trial Break Out In Local Man’s News Feed

Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
Following the acquittal of George Zimmerman in shooting death of a black teenager, Trayvon Martin, wild protests have broken out in the News Feed of Astoria resident Ari Tucker... more
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Precocious Pre-Teen Invites Friends to Join Him On LinkedIn

Loretta Donelan Loretta Donelan |
Eustace Crust, a sixth-grader at Dudley T. Meyerson Middle School in Phoenix, Arizona recently sent a LinkedIn invitation to all of Mrs. Rockham’s class. “Everybody... more

Mom Responds to News of Daughter’s Kidnapping with Frowny-Face Emoticon

Amy Westervelt Amy Westervelt |
When Megan Saunders, 17, of Stamford, Conn., failed to return home from school last Friday, her father Tom was concerned, but thought his daughter might have just gone into the ... more

Procrastinators Meetup Group’s Event Date Remains Unscheduled

Joe Lazauskas Joe Lazauskas |
When the Procrastinators Group was formed on, there was hope that procrastinators would soon be able to share their passion for putting things off. Alas, the inaugur... more

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