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Mom Responds to News of Daughter’s Kidnapping with Frowny-Face Emoticon
When Megan Saunders, 17, of Stamford, Conn., failed to return home from school last Friday, her father Tom was concerned, but thought his daughter might have just gone into the ... ...read more
Procrastinators Meetup Group’s Event Date Remains Unscheduled
When the Procrastinators Group was formed on Meetup.com, there was hope that procrastinators would soon be able to share their passion for putting things off. Alas, the inaugur... ...read more
Surgeon General Pleads For Americans to Chew Their Food 3 or 4 Times At the Very Least
Conceding that the recommended 30 chews per bite was frankly unrealistic in a nation of shameless gorgers, United States Surgeon General Regina Benjamin pleaded for Americans t... ...read more
Desperate Mom Still Riding Mother’s Day High
In what some are calling a Mother’s Day miracle and others are dismissing as the desperate delusions of a sad woman, Westchester Mom Kate Greenfield is still clinging to ... ...read more
Attorney Actually Starting to Believe Own Bullshit
After 42 years of practicing law, Fort Worth-based defense attorney Ralph DeHart told reporters he is actually starting to believe his own bullshit. Standing on the steps of the... ...read more
Visit Home Marred By Realization That Son is Huge Disappointment
The happy anticipation that filled the parents of 28-year-old Sammy Ludwig upon his return for a “quick break from Asheville” just this morning has quickly been replaced... ...read more
Kim Jong Un: We Have Nukes! Working on Discman
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – Kim Jong Un, the leader of the state of North Korea, has made it very clear to the world that the country is ready to join the list of countries w... ...read more
Bank of Cyprus to Reopen As Gyro Stand
An employee at the Bank of Cyprus prepares a gyro. In the wake of an investigation revealing alleged evidence tampering and still reeling from their recent financial woes, the B... ...read more
Giant Star of David, Hairy Chest Doom Mossad Agent
A spokesman for Hezbollah’s military wing confirmed the group had arrested an Israeli Mossad agent in West Beirut on Friday after noticing a large Star of David hanging fr... ...read more
Sallie Mae CEO Regrets “Total Debt Forgiveness” April Fools Prank
Anthony P. Terracciano, Chairman of the Board of Directors of Sallie Mae, the student loan giant who makes $700 million yearly from fees from students in default, has apologized... ...read moreFollow Us
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