Top 10 MMA Nicknames Besides “Korean Zombie”
MMA is last bastion of great sports nicknames
The great sports nickname has been on life support for more than a decade. Not only that, I am pretty sure the demise of the great nickname can traced directly to Alex Rodriguez’s rise to fame in the 1990’s. While I admit that “A-Rod” is catchy, cool and convenient, taking the first letter of someone’s name and attaching it to the first syllable of their last name could not be more played out.
Maybe it is just another example of society’s increased intellectual laziness. You can only express yourself in 140 characters or less so many times before cutting corners becomes second nature. Oh, by the way, please follow me on Twitter. I just joined, and @Mason_Lerner would like to be a bigger part of the problem.
I would also like to be part of the solution by giving thanks to MMA for being the last bastion of the great sports nickname. That is not to say there aren’t tons of great nicknames in pro sports today. But for every “Big Unit” and “Black Mamba,” there are ten “B-Hops,” “D-Robs,” and “T-Wills.”
Imagine a world where James Hunter went by J-Hunt because Charles Finley was just feeling lazy on the day he decided to manufacture the nickname “Catfish.” Because that is pretty much the world we’re living in.
Just another reason to thank god for the breath of fresh air called MMA. Aside from Kenny “KenFlo” Florian, the imaginative, creative nickname is alive and well in MMA.
Here are my ten favorites*:
10. Frank “Twinkle Toes” Trigg – Granted, “Twinkle Toes” definitely also qualifies as the worst nickname in MMA. But that is the beauty of it. He’s like A Boy Named Sue, only voluntarily.
9. Vladmir “The Janitor” Matyushenko – It’s the same old story. Educated man escapes Eastern Europe for more opportunities in the US. Man finds himself pushing a broom in a car dealership instead of splitting atoms in a lab. Man gets pissed. His nights become a series of 80’s style montages featuring him power lifting car engines after the mechanics have gone home. Man kicks every ass he can until he is a top ten light heavy contender for a hot minute. At least, I’m assuming that’s how he got the nickname.
8. Randy “Captain America” Couture – This one is simple, but it really embodies the level of respect Couture commands from his fans. Not to mention, it’s a nice homage to Cap since I believe they fought together in WWII . Age joke.
7. Bas “El Guapo” Rutten – I have a soft spot for ironic nicknames.
6. Fedor “The Last Emperor” Emelianenko – A perfect nickname considering how the emperor has been exposed as having no clothes lately. Well, at least none that he can button and zip up all the way without taking a deep breath.
5. Stephan “The American Psycho” Bonnar – This one is great if you have read the book. There is nothing as intimidating as a man who is willing to stuff rats in his victims’ vaginas. Forrest Griffin beware.
4. Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell – This one is pretty generic, but Lidell pulls it off. The man just has a face that says “Stone Cold Killer.” But “Stone Cold Killer” would be a lame nickname, although “Cold Stone Killer” could be a sweet two for one waffle cone promotion at Marble Slab.
3. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson – Nothing validates a nickname more than when said nickname replaces the athlete’s real name in the public’s consciousness, which works out well for Rampage. I don’t see Quinton Jackson moving a lot of PPV’s going by “Q-Jax.” “Q-Jax Hustler” anyone? Barf. Rampage works.
2. Mark “The Smashing Machine” Kerr – Considering Kerr has a 15-11 record with only 4 KO’s, I think somebody forgot to put a quarter in the machine.
1. Joseph “The Ho Bag” Bochenek – Never heard of the guy, but he is 0-10 and his nickname is “The Ho Bag.” We have a winner.
* Chang Sung “Korean Zombie” Jung has the perfect nickname. He cannot be listed with mere mortals. Long live the undead.
Follow us on twitter@thefastertimes
- 1 First Openly Straight Figure Skater Comes Forward
- 2 Brooklyn Man Now Living Entirely Off Own Beard Garden
- 3 “Cra Cra” Now Official Diagnosis in New DSM (DSM-5)
- 4 OfficeMax Marketing Director Struggling to Make Staplers ‘Sexy’ and ‘Conversational’
- 5 Homeless Guy Woos Silicon Valley VCs with Low-Tech Crowdfunding Startup
- 6 Area Man Tailors Life To Be More Relevant To His Hulu Advertisements
- 7 Fan Banging Furiously on Glass Could Be the Difference in Hockey Playoffs
- 8 Survey: 88% of Eagles Fans Too Drunk To Spell Nnamdi Asomugha Last Season
- 9 Attorney Actually Starting to Believe Own Bullshit
- 10 Local Mom Won’t Stop Being First Person to Like Every Goddamn Thing Son Posts to Facebook