Malkin to Skip 2011 NHL All-Star Game With Sniffles; Crosby Also Out

Evgeni Malkin was voted by the fans to start the 2011 NHL All-Star Game with three other Pittsburgh Penguins. However, because of illness he joins teammate Sidney Crosby on the injured list and will not participate this weekend.

Evgeni Malkin has a cold. His sinus infection and the pressure in his head will keep him away from the ice through the weekend according to Penguins coach, Dan Bylsma.

This is exactly what Sidney Crosby wants you to think.

Reports that Crosby considered protesting the game seem to be more valid lately. He claims his symptoms are still keeping him out and that he will need to avoid the festivities of All-Star Weekend. When injuries kept him away last time, Crosby signed autographs and interacted with fans. Now, because of a disagreement with the league about player protection and blows to the head, Crosby is abandoning the fans entirely.

Who knew he would stoop as low as to recruit Malkin to his evil plot to undermine the NHL?

Note: This article was written in jest