Mom, Dad, I’m Baaaaaack!

Andy, my 24 year-old real estate mogul son, is waiting on tables and I am proud of him.

When the commercial real estate market tanked, Andy was able to support himself for a year on his savings before having to move back home. He had lived independently and comfortably for six years. Now, unemployed and back with his parents, he could have spent his days railing against the injustice of it all from a comfortable fetal position on the sofa. He could have mooched off of us for beer money or gas money or God knows what other kind of money. He could have made our lives hell like he did in high school when he was still Andrew and a holy terror. I guiltily admit I was afraid he would regress to the rebellious adolescent he once was. But  he showed me a thing or two.

We had to force him to accept a small infusion of cash so he could go out with friends on a Saturday night. He was discouraged by his situation, but he kept himself from getting overly depressed. Most surprisingly, he consistently put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, did his own laundry, set the table when asked, and was kind to his little brother. I kept expecting to wake up one morning like Bob Newhart, and realize this had all been a dream.

After a month spent in a self-induced coma brought on by excessive viewing of the golf channel, my former mogul applied to a million and a half restaurants and secured a job as a waiter at the nicest of them. He wears a black tee-shirt to work now instead of a collared shirt and tie, but he wines and dines the way he used to wheel and deal…with 100% dedication.

There are millions of “Boomerang Children” among us these days, though there seems to be no consensus as to the exact number.  Northwestern University’s Medill Report claims that 33% of Millennials, (those born in the 80s and early 90s) reside with their parents. Monster.com’s number is 52%. The market research company, Twentysomething Inc., puts the number at 65%, and Collegegrad.com asserts it’s a whopping 80%.  Though the number is disputed, all of the sources I checked agree that the primary reason for the upswing in boomerangers is a combination of the bleak job market and extraordinarily high student debt.

Figures aren’t yet available for the class of 2010, but according to the annual National Association of Colleges and Employers (NACE) survey, only 19.7% of 2009 graduates had jobs to go to after commencement. Michigan State University’s Collegiate Employment Research Institute reports that jobs for graduates with bachelor’s degrees will decrease by 1% this year after a 22% drop from 2008 to 2009. Hiring of master’s level graduates will decrease by 11%.

At a recent conference sponsored by The Century Foundation, a policy research organization in Manhattan, the policy analyst Edwin W. Koc of NACE, said his research focused on searching for any bright spots, even small ones, in the employment picture for young professionals. “Basically,” he said, “we didn’t find any.”

To compound the problem, this generation is graduating with the highest debt in history. Between 1977 and 2007 the number of students enrolled in college grew by 44%. Student loan volume grew by 833%.  Anya Kamenetz , in her book Generation Debt: The New Economics of Being Young, says the United States is currently looking at $685 billion in unpaid student loans.

If all this news weren’t already depressing enough, Sara Murray, in an article for The Wall Street Journal scarily titled, The Curse of the Class of 2009, writes that there are longlasting effects to coming of age in a deep recession. The bad news is that this is the worst job market in 25 years. The worse news is that even those young people who land jobs will likely suffer lower wages for a decade or more compared to those lucky enough to graduate in better times.

Her contention is backed by the research of Lisa Kahn, a Yale School of Management economist who tracked the wages of white men before, during, and after the last deep recession in the early 1980′s. Eighteen years after the recovery these men were still earning less than those who began their careers before or after the recession. Peter Coy, in an article for Business Week, says he is worried that the damage from this recession will create a “lost generation.”  Swell.

But enough about numbers.  Behind all of these numbers are real kids who want to be employed…kids who don’t move in with Mom and Dad to mooch or usurp the best spot on the sofa. I believe it is a myth that twenty-somethings don’t want to grow up.  I don’t believe they, as a group, suffer from inertia. Each of the articles I read began with personal anecdotes about “go-getters” who, through no fault of their own, can’t seem to get going. Some of the stories can break your heart. (Yes, I know young people are not the only ones suffering in the recession and older workers with families to support have heartbreaking tales as well, but they’re not on my “beat.”) 

And with every twenty or thirtysomething who returns to the nest there are parents asking, “When is this going to end?” and “When do I get to spend my money on me?”

We parents of these kids could drown in all the free advice.  It’s everywhere.  Experts tell us not to spend our retirement money on our children. Make them pay rent (an interesting concept when your child is unemployed). Sign a contract with them before they move in. Make sure they know this is a temporary situation. Expect them to do chores. And the most popular…set boundaries. (More about that in a later post.)  All are sound tips to be sure.

Here are some additional tips of mine:

Help your children set reasonable expectations for these challenging times.

Teach them there is dignity in all work. If they can’t find the job of their dreams right away, settle for a lesser job in order to get experience and afford a life.  If they try, but can’t even find a lesser job…

Empathize with their position.

Expect them to empathize with yours.

A Pew Research study of “Generation Next” (18-25 year olds born between 1981 and 1988) revealed that eight out of ten “Nexters” believe people in their generation think getting rich is either the most important or second most important goal in their lives. A comfortable but modest lifestyle means they have failed. Half of those surveyed said that becoming famous also is valued highly by fellow Gen Nexters. If the recession has changed nothing else, I hope it has changed this attitude.

We must teach our children that they are not measured or valued by the status of their job or the amount of money they make or the “stuff” they accrue. We must encourage them to follow their passions even if those passions don’t lead to fame and fortune. And if they need to move in with us while they figure out their next step, they shouldn’t be made to feel as if they’ve failed us.

And one more thing:

If you go out to eat and a handsome young man in a black tee shirt serves you your dinner with a smile, please give him a nice tip.

Photo by google images