Kaepernick Apologizes for Fellating Himself After Touchdown


One day after celebrating a San Francisco 49ers touchdown by dropping to the grass, bending his body into a pretzel, and fellating himself, quarterback Colin Kaepernick apologized to his fans. “It’s clear that I went too far with my celebration,” Kaepernick said. “I just got lost in the excitement of my own magnificence.”

The move, already dubbed “KaeperDicking,” is quickly becoming a social media sensation, with tens of thousands of adoring fans posting their own self-fellatio shots on Facebook and Instagram.

“There’s simply no place in our league for players who suck themselves off,” said an NFL spokesman Daryl Elkins, who acknowledged that there is no actual rule against the practice.

Kaepernick, who has been fined $35,000 by the NFL, said that he also plans to donate money to a charity that helps teens who aren’t flexible enough to pleasure themselves.


Buzz Feldman
Buzz Feldman is a writer and blogger in Brooklyn. ...read more


  • guamjeff

    Congratulations on a totally low and crass article about a totally low and crass action by a totally low and crass athlete. You can officially consider yourself part of the problem. No competition. Your journalism also sucks.

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