Number One in the Hoodie, G? More Vick to New England Rumors

Number One in the Hoodie, G? More Vick to New England RumorsAdd Miami to the list of teams that have put out official statements stressing that they aren’t interested in Michael Vick. Is the press really harassing them so much that they have to send out statements to tell us what they’re not going to do? It’s silly. There is no point in officially announcing things you won’t be doing. Where does that end? “The Kansas City Chiefs would like to announce that we will not be having our back-up punter kick the first 10,000 fans who show up to our first home game as hard as he can directly in the crotch?” “The New York Jets will not be forcing their players to wear bustiers under their shoulder pads to accentuate their exceptionally supple pectoral regions?” Or, “The Oakland Raiders are pleased to announce that we will not be making the playoffs ever again?”

But Miami’s loss may be the Patriots’ gain. USA Today examines why a Vick transfer to New England just might happen, and it sure is fun to think about. Brady, Moss and a wildcatting Vick would be pretty sweet to watch and nigh impossible to stop. Animal lover Ted Green of the LA Times explains why he thinks Vick deserves a chance to play in the NFL. ESPN’s Jim Caple concurs. And Young Jeezy tells that he wants Vick to play in Atlanta. Jeezy, I know Old Jeezy probably used to tell you that if you want something badly enough, you can make it happen. But Michael Vick playing in Atlanta again is about as likely as Michael Jackson rising from the grave, filming a ‘Thriller” sequel and giving someone a reason to actually have to figure out which channel MTV is on these days.

Ray Ratto of the San Francisco Chronicle wonders if the Twitter uprising that T.O. instigated to lobby for Vick’s immediate return to the field isn’t his way of lobbying the Bills to sign him. Personally, methinks T.O. is not capable of such nuance and subtlety. If he wanted Vick, he would have already bought some billboard space in Buffalo letting us know. And I can’t imagine TO would want to play with a rusty QB who likes to run as much as he likes to throw.

Darren “Doogie” Wilson blogs in the Minnesota Start Tribune that the Minnesota Vikings would have been Super Bowl contenders if only they had signed Brett Favre, thus proving that not all “Doogies” are geniuses. If Brett Favre had all of his arms and legs amputated, was rolled around the field on a dolly by his fullback and threw with his teeth, there would still be those that thought he still had it. Jeff Shultz blogs for the Atlanta Journal Constitution that Brett Favre retired as the most selfish athlete in sports history. It’s hard to argue or come up with an appropriately snarky response. He might be right. The Sporting News’ Spencer Hall gives it a try. Of course, since half of his list is comprised of fictional characters and one of the other guys on it is Michael Vick, I am going with Shultz. And ESPN lets you rank where you think Favre belongs in the all-time QB pantheon. As long as you put him above Marino, I agree with you.

What’s left of the Seattle Post Intelligencer offers a depth chart for the Seahawks as training camp draws closer. In the old days, perhaps the people of Seattle could have used it to wrap fish before they threw them at you, but now they probably just choose not to click on the link.

The Buffalo News (Who came up with that name? I am thinking the same marketing firm that came up with the ‘Texans”) tells us why the Bills are expecting drastic improvement from middle linebacker Bill Posluszny this year.

Houston’s Lance Zerlien seems to be one of the only journalists in the country who noticed that former Eagle’s defensive coach Jim Johnson died. It is a great post, and you will learn a lot.

The Tampa Bay Bucs are another team buying into the trend of young NFL head coaches. And why not? It seems to be working. The Herald Tribune reports on 32 year-old new head coach Raheem Morris’s plan to be the “front porch” of the Tampa Bay community. It looks like he will definitely be a stark contrast to the more reclusive Jeff Gruden. He should be an interesting guy to keep an eye on.

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Photo by Spencer Cross.

Mason Lerner is a freelance writer and stand-up comedian in Austin, TX. His works has appeared in the Houston Chronicle, ESPN the Magazine and many other publications. Lerner is a graduate of the Univ more


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