Goofy Beware? Michael Vick Headed to Disney World: FasterNFL-7/21

Goofy Beware? Michael Vick Headed to Disney World: FasterNFL-7/21

The Minnesota Star Tribune tells us that Brett Favre will make his decision by Friday. Bloggers the world over are wondering what they will do once the “Search Engine Optimizer Formerly Known As Brett” announces his decision. Will I finally be forced to whore myself out and write that “Sarah Palin Tweets Brett Favre” piece I have been holding back on just to beat the clock? I am not sure Google can handle those three terms in one search. All hell might break loose, so I will let it go. I don’t want to be responsible for the rise of the machines. Though, I do want to be responsible for the ascension of the apes. The idea of gridiron gorillas is tantalizing. But I digress. Tom F from the bleacher report shares with the world how Favre made his daddy break down in tears when the QB originally announced his retirement. I bet he feels so used.

Michael Vick is now free all day like OJ. Well, like OJ used to be. And unless the stuffed shirts put the kybosh on it, he may be on his way to Disney World. If Vick runs into either Pluto or Goofy, things could get awkward, violent or hopefully conciliatory. The LA Times writes Vick needs to show remorse. But the fact is, if Vick said 5,000 Hail Mary’s on Yom Kippur whilst farming out all of his vital organs to be used in emergency transplants for needy children in Bangladesh, some people still wouldn’t rest until the man is sacked permanently. Hall of Famer Michael Irvin is not one of them.

And in your “HOLY SH^T!” moment of the day, Pittsburg Steeler QB Ben Roethlisberger is being sued for sexual assault in Nevada. There aren’t many details out just yet, but really, who needs details these days? If bloggers waited for details, what would you read when you were supposed to be working? Could it be that we have found our new “Optimizer”?

Steve McNair was drunk when he was murdered. That is almost as relevant as whether he was wearing boxers or briefs.

The Houston Chronicle’s Lance Zierlein shares five picks to click for this year’s fantasy season. LZ knows his stuff, and the “Z Report” is worth checking if you are looking for good NFL analysis

Jim Rome likes to call Mike Shanahan Mike “Ratahan”, which FasterNFL likes if only because calling people rat-faces never gets old. But according to “The Shutdown Corner”, old Ratahan won’t be ratting on anyone any time soon. This story strikes me as funny because Shanahan doesn’t seem like the loosed lipped type to begin with.

And just to prove the French aren’t all bad, check out the CFL’s Ben Cahoon’s helmet grab:

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPh07uN9L78

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Photo by Raymond Brown

Mason Lerner is a freelance writer and stand-up comedian in Austin, TX. His works has appeared in the Houston Chronicle, ESPN the Magazine and many other publications. Lerner is a graduate of the Univ ...read more

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