The Naked Truth: TO and his Supermodel Girlfriend/NFL News 9-16

“Shutdown Corner” has a funny piece about Plaxico Burress working with kids and an even funnier one about Keyshawn Johnson’s career as an interior designer. I just don’t believe Plaxico is intelligent enough to turn the corner and suddenly become a good guy. Dude shot himself in the leg while sipping wine in the VIP. As for Keyshawn, it will be interesting to watch him make enemies in his new field. I dare anyone to tell him he is not fabulous to his face.

Lance Zerlein gives us his opinion on this year’s Madden rankings of Houston Texan players. Study ESPN’s James Walker’s AFC North Madden rankings analysis here. And this guy created a database so you can look up any player’s current Madden rating. So even if you are too cheap to buy the game, you can still look up your favorite player and bitch about how little respect he gets. And if you are not too cheap to buy it, maybe you are just a sucker. One economist says that EA Sports has been overcharging for Madden by up to 66%.

Pack Smack: Dorsey Levens was inducted into the Pack’s Hall of Fame. The Harris County District Attorney’s office is dropping drug charges against Packers DT Johnny Jolly…for now. Lucky for Jolly, the Houston Police Department’s crime lab is about as effective as Bud Selig’s late 90′s anti-doping policies were in baseball.

USA Today analyzes the Matt Cassell signing in K.C. If you have a Blackberry, you can read it on the plane!

The Chicago Sun-Times looks at the Bears as they head into training camp.  After seeing what K.C. ponied up for Cassell, ESPN.com’s Jeff Dickerson thinks Jay Cutler may end up costing the Bears even more. The New York Times “Fifth Down” seems to think that the price tag would not be worth it. Not everyone agrees. Personally, I have hated all Bears quarterbacks since “Sexy Rexy” totaled -11 fantasy points during a MNF game two years ago. My team was up by ten. All I needed him to do was not score -11. My smack was already up on the message board. Unbelievable.

TO has parlayed his newfound reality TV celebutard status into a relationship with SI swimsuit model Jessica White. Not only that, TO wants you to get your popcorn ready for his new reality show. Personally, I am getting my remote control ready. I am putting in new batteries. I am taping the piece of plastic that holds the batteries in extra tight so nothing goes wrong. To each their own, but I am too classy for a show like that. Plus, it would take time away from my watching Sarah Palin updates on ever other channel. And of course, you already know about his buck-naked picture, in which he seems to be channeling Rodin’s “The Thinker” and Seal’s “Kiss From a Rose”.

For once, it was a quarterback doing the blindsiding.

It had to happen. FX has filmed a comedy pilot based on a fantasy football league. If the show gets picked up, I volunteer to play the guy who jumps out of his office window screaming “Why do you keep throwing into coverage?” after his QB throws for -11 points on MNF.

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Pic by KangaROOS USA