Brandi Favre

About Thirty minutes ago she signed with one group heading for Iraq to dig wells, and another that’s planning to install bounce castles in the DRC. This is when she suggested that we should break up, that a long distance relationship would only torture us. She offered to “always be a loyal friend.” Those words bothered me. They sounded like the rehearsed lines of a desk clerk. I started saying that her plans would get her killed, and that she shouldn’t leave; I listed Ebola, sleeping sickness, malaria, and a hundred other afflictions. I spun tales filled with civil war and sectarian violence. I even invented monsters that lurked in her travel destinations. I couldn’t reason with her. After about twenty minutes her patience failed. First she knocked over the lamp, and when the bulb didn’t break she kicked it. Now she rampaged in the dark, flipped over the coffee table. I had never known her to get that angry. She used to enjoy inflicting emotional pain. Anyway she destroyed my room. It looked like something from an animal attack show. Reminded me of a campsite I watched a moose trample.

But it doesn’t bother me. Not a bit. Actually, I feel like a gutted fish, and have that sensation of hanging from an oversized hook in a dim factory. You wouldn’t notice from my outward appearance, but I’m torn up inside. People often call me a stoic. On her way out my ex girlfriend spit on my bed. Now I have to clean the sheets, washed twice and then dried for two hours. She always had a lot of germs.

Anyway I’m looking for a new relationship. No Taurus or Libra need apply, and that goes for former ones as well. I would like a partner with a medical background. Sometimes I get carried away with symptoms, and need someone to set me straight. I prefer Capricorns, but I could be compatible with a Cancer as well. Also I would be open for a fling with an Ophiuchus.

For more on where you stand in the updated Zodiac check out:

Your Zodiac Signs Have Changed! What the Hell is an Ophiuchus?! (TFT)

Photo from The independent

After two incredibly successful films with Daniel Craig as the newest incarnation of the pop culture icon, and news that visionary director Sam Mendes was chomping at the bit to jump on board to helm the franchise’s newest installment, it seemed like the public was about to get one hell of an adventure with the world’s favorite secret agent. However, the collapse of MGM hit the prospect of the twenty-third Bond film hard, and while future Bond films were never really in doubt, the continuation of the franchise was reported to be indefinitely postponed. The worry was that the overarching storyline introduced in Casino Royale would be scuttled, and the reign of Daniel Craig would be over before it really began.

These worries seem to have been put to rest today with the announcement of an official release date for the twenty-third Bond film, and the official recognition of Sam Mendes’ involvement with the picture. The film will be released on November 9, 2012. You can read the press release for yourself below:

BOND 23 RELEASE DATE ANNOUNCED

LOS ANGELES, CA (JANUARY 11, 2011) – Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli of EON Productions, together with Gary Barber and Roger Birnbaum, Co-Chairmen and Chief Executive Officers of Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc., today announced that the 23rd James Bond film will commence production in late 2011 for a worldwide release on November 9, 2012.

The current trend of hiring film auteurs to tackle major franchises seems to a lucrative one, arguably starting with Warner Brothers bringing in Christopher Nolan to tackle the Batman franchise, a decision that has the company raking in hundreds of millions of dollars per film. The idea of pairing a great piece of intellectual property with a top notch director seems pretty basic, but it’s one that’s only recently gaining traction. But with Sam Mendes’ Bond 23 joining a list that includes Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises, Joss Whedon’s The Avengers, and Darren Aronofsky’s The Wolverine, 2012 might just be on track to be the most quality year of genre franchises in decades.

Now we’ll just have to see what happens when the rumors start to fly about the newest Bond girl, an announcement that could very well be as big as the announcement that the movie’s back on track in the first place.

Picture from: [obsessedwithfilm.com]

Although February 10 is the official end of the AT&T monopoly, their stranglehold on the iPhone market already took a blow; last summer, federal regulators decided that Jailbreaking an iPhone did not break copyright laws. This was a smack in the face to Apple, who enjoyed waving the iPhone over aspiring communication companies.

Despite all the hype surrounding the release date of the Verizon iPhone, there are some disappointing facts emerging about this smart phone. Regardless of what you might have heard from some overzealous techie on the Upper West Side, the version iPhone will not support a 4G network. Verizon has filled our commercial breaks with images of farm boys tossing lighting bolts, only to have their new flagship run on the older 3G network. Does this mean that the Verizon iPhone is more comparable to the power of static electricity? Actually running on 3G might not be such a detriment to the new iPhone, considering that only the most fanatic users will notice the difference between the G networks.

Many are applauding Apple for expanding the iPhone to the Verizon network, but this move was not made to appease the protests of consumers. By allowing Verizon access to the Iphone Apple has increased their Smartphone market. The AT&T monopoly inevitably separated Apple from those consumers, who were interested in what the iPhone offered but refused to consider AT&T as a service provider. This move has benefited Apple, Verizon, and consumers who want more control over their gadgets. Only AT&T is left behind in the burning room.

For more on VeriPhone:

Why Google Isn’t Worried About the Verizon iPhone (TFT)

After the show, the internet is on fire with consumers looking into the validity and availability of these products, with the Sudden Change Under-Eye Firming Serum taking the lead as most searched for product, which had perhaps the most drastic improvement shown between the three products showcased on the show. It also has the benefit of being the cheapest of the three, at a little under $12 a tube. All of the reviewed products are readily available from the major U.S. Pharmacies, or through their websites.

Dr. Youn is an acclaimed Plastic Surgeon and a regular on the talk show circuit, with many appearances on a variety of networks, and several previous visits to The Rachael Ray Show. He specializes in Cosmetic Surgery, and has an upcoming memoir titled In Stitches, which will be released in April. It seems likely that the good doctor will be revisiting his usual talk show haunts soon to start the buzz going for the memoir. With a blurb by Rachael Ray herself, it seems inevitable that he will be bringing his expertise back on the air in the near future.

You can watch the segment here.

The Rachael Ray Show airs at 10AM Eastern on ABC. Local showtimes may vary.

Photo from: [buttermilkpress.org]

Let’s put it to rest. Facebook is not shutting down.

Credit the Weekly World News for tapping into America’s biggest fear. The legendary publication alleged that Mark Zuckerberg “wanted his old life back” and yearned to “stop all the madness.” Because, you know, why wouldn’t the world’s most powerful young entrepreneur pine for the days when he was a sexually frustrated, socially inept Harvard undergrad? And why wouldn’t the recently-charitable billionaire blush 50 billion down the drain instead of selling the company and ending world hunger or supplying Charlie Sheen with enough coke and prostitutes to last him 18-24 months?

I could continue to rant about the amazing gullibility of our world, but really, I’m kicking myself that I didn’t think to post this rumor first. THe concept of a Facebook shutdown–during Spring Break, the biggest photo tagfest of the year, nonetheless–is extremely interseting. Facebook is just a few years from edging out Google for control of the internet. Facebook messages are slowly edging out email as the primary method of sending personal messages. Companies are realizing that sending consumers to their Facebook fan page is far more valuable than going to their website.

In a way, the death of Facebook would mean the destruction of a key portion of the internet. For many people, Facebook is their main source of internet interaction. It’s where they get their news; it’s now they communicate with colleagues; it’s where they stalk that motherf*cker who didn’t call back last week (hi girls…sorry.)

Facebook shutting down would be supremely annoying, but it’d also be an interesting social experiment. Would we feel a sense of loss after losing our online personas? Would the loss of hundreds of tagged photos feel like the erasure of our past? Would we (shudder) start using Myspace again?

What do you think? Would Facebook shutting down be devastating, or are you too cool to care?

10. Mike Wallace, WR, Steelers

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows