The I Kissed a Girl singer’s evangelical parents are using her divorce as a way of promoting their church.

Katy Perry’s very public divorce from crude comedian Russell Brand is apparently God’s way of getting people to go to church (according to her family, that is). Keith and Mary Hudson, the pop star’s parents, are both evangelical ministers who have seen the recent buzz about their daughter’s failed marriage as a blessing. The pews have been filling up with first-time parishioners who are presumably there mostly to hear Katy’s parents speak about their daughter’s misfortune in a sermon. In a statement to 300 people at Westlake, Ohio’s Church on the Rise, Mary half-jokingly said, “I’m sure that Katy’s trending on the Internet was to get you here to church tonight. I mean all over the world, who knows how God is bringing them in? The most important thing is you are here and God wants to put the fire in you in 2012.”

This is not the first time the Hudsons have integrated their religious views with their daughter’s fame. Her father has openly told the press they were perfectly alright with using her success and popularity as a way of preaching to those who they would not have access to otherwise (i.e. other celebrities). To Keith, it “has opened many opportunities to go in and be with guarded and gated people. God has given us a platform to go in and meet people, and they like us because we are cool. We are not threatening.”

Some have speculated that Brand filed for divorce upon Katy’s request—especially considering he adamantly denied their marriage troubles on an Ellen appearance in November. His filing would alleviate some family tension it may have caused between her and her ultra-religious parents, who raised her to believe divorce was wrong. But the always cool, nonthreatening, hip Keith spoke out once again, essentially saying that regardless of who filed and why, he would always be there for his beloved human ministry launchpad. “I love my daughter and I will always love her. Stop being judgmental and critical. Do not close the doors to your loved ones, especially your children. Just because they do not like what you do or what you are, they are still praying that you stay in the race. They are counting on you.”

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Bieber has been let off the hook from taking a court-ordered paternity test, but according to her lawyer, Yeater is still pursuing the case.

The Justin Bieber baby daddy scandal just might be over. Or maybe not. Mariah Yeater, the twenty-year-old mother who claimed the seventeen-year-old pop star is the father of her son, has reportedly dropped the court order that demanded Bieber take a paternity test.

But in a TMZ interview with the only lawyer who is still standing by her, it seems that Yeater is continuing to pursue the case.

“My intentions right now are attempting to utilize a team I’ve assembled to negotiate the case outside of court and work out a confidentiality agreement so the DNA test can occur privately on a private date and time at an undisclosed location to maintain privacy for everyone involved.”

When asked why the lawsuit was dismissed, the lawyer became a tad vague, but mostly blamed it on the fact that Yeater has been receiving death threats and it was pertinent to her safety that she drop the public suit. Which makes a lot of sense – if Bieber fans were willing to send death threats to Kim Kardashian, it’s not surprising that they’re going rabid over Yeater and her alleged Bieber spawn. The lawyer adamantly backed Yeater’s credibility. But it’s always possible that she’s a pathological liar, right?

“I believe my client…and if I didn’t believe my client, I wouldn’t be involved in this.”

It should be noted that two other lawyers have quit representing her already.

Justin publicly rebuked Yeater’s claims on the Today Show.  “To set the record straight, none of it is true. I know I’m going to be a target, but I’m never going to be a victim. It’s crazy, because every night after the show I’ve gone right from the stage right to my car. So it’s crazy that some people want to make up such false allegations.”

She’s also said,  ”Justin Bieber and my baby have a striking resemblence.” To which I answer, he looks like all babies. That’s just his face.

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His decision to quit acting coincides with his decision to quit showering.

Brad Pitt on acting, infants and happiness.

Brad Pitt announced in an Australian interview that we have only a mere three years to continue watching his mediocre films, because he is retiring from acting at the age of 50. He’s such a hard worker. However, the star will continue to produce films and infants. In the same interview he has mentioned that he and child collector Angelina Jolie are open to having more kids.

“You know, I don’t know that we’re finished. I don’t know yet. I don’t know.”

How mysterious.

My speculation is that they just get bored of the kids after they hit a certain age. Maddox is ten now. Once you hit double digits, the nanny is the only one who really gives a shit about you.

“Those late nights are so fun when one of them’s up or those mornings when they get up and make pancakes or something. That’s what it’s about.”

I thought one of the benefits of leaving their native countries is avoiding child labor?

But really the question we all want to know: is Brad happy?

“I think happiness is overrated, truthfully. I do. I think sometimes you’re happy, sometimes you’re not. There’s too much pressure to be happy. I don’t know. I don’t really give a shit. I know I will be at times and I know I won’t be at times. Satisfied, at peace, those would be more goals for myself.”

Good for you.

Photo credit: C. Flanigan/FilmMagic

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After six years, Ashton’s serial cheating has destroyed his and Moore’s marriage.

The ultimate cougar pairing, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, are supposedly getting a divorce. The newest addition to Two and a Half Men has been allegedly cheating on Demi several times, but the most recent incident on a boys trip to San Diego was the straw that broke the camel’s back. On September 24, Kutcher and Moore’s six-year-anniversary, Ashton celebrated with 23-year-old Sara Leal in his Hard Rock Hotel room.

Ashton revealed to Leal that he and Demi were separated and the marriage was over. Like every typical Hollywood homewrecker, Leal is planning to sell her story for $250,000, and is in the process of meeting with lawyers already.

Ashton’s serial cheating has come to the public’s notice before. Last year, Kutcher reportedly met Brittney Jones at the most romantic of settings—a Hollywood bowling alley. After giving him her number, they met up a few days later. He proceeded to bring her back to his and Demi’s home and had sex with her on the couch.

Classy.

According to the RadarOnline.com, Brittney was told by Kutcher then that they had an “open marriage” and that threesomes are not uncommon.

Weird, Demi wasn’t told about the tryst…. You’d figure she would want to join in since it really gets her going, right?

So maybe this was the line he fed Sara Leal, considering it has worked in the past. In the meantime, Demi has been doing what most scorned A-listers do when they find out about infidelity: tweeting about it. She quoted Greek philosopher, Epictetus, stating “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.” Earlier, she had posted a picture of her bare back, with a caption: “remember….you’ve got your own back.”

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Nostalgia in entertainment is nothing new. It can be seen in film as early as the 70s, when 50s nostalgia was king. This was more or less ushered in with George Lucas’ American Graffiti in 1973. Some other obvious 50s nostalgia vehicles were the 1978 films Grease and American Hot Wax, and the TV show Happy Days (1974-84). Nostalgia for the 50s didn’t completely go away until after Back to the Future (1985), even as 60s nostalgia began to dominate cultural consciousness.

Nostalgia for the 60s slowly swept away 50s nostalgia, more or less peaking (in original television programming at least) with The Wonder Years, which debuted in 1988 and brought 60s nostalgia into the 90s. One of the last high profile 60s nostalgia vehicles was The Sandlot in 1993.

Nickelodeon launched Nick at Night, pretty much purely a vehicle for nostalgia, in 1985, debuting with shows such as The Donna Reed Show (1958-66), Dennis the Menace (1959-63), and Route 66 (1960-64). Mr. Ed (1961-66) became a staple the following year, and Nick at Night (among other cultural forces) helped speed up the whole nostalgia process. After a few years, Nick at Night branched out into 70s nostalgia, broadcasting episodes of SNL and SCTV mostly from that decade, and also briefly running 70s mock talk-show (and Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman spinoff) Fernwood Tonight.

70s nostalgia arrived full-force with the turn of the 90s, visible in original TV programming and film, as well as Nick at Night’s programming. Several movies, including The Spirit of ’76 (1990), My Girl (1991), Dazed and Confused (1993) and Now and Then (1995) basically ran on 70s nostalgia. And then of course there was television’s most obvious 70s nostalgia vehicle, That 70s Show, which debuted in 1998.

TV Land launched in 1996, originally airing shows mostly from the 50s-70s. Some staples became Three’s Company (1977-84) and The Cosby Show (1984-92). Nostalgia for the 80s began in earnest around the turn of the century. One of the earliest and best shows to capitalize on 80s nostalgia was Freaks and Geeks (1999-2000), which was set in 1980-81. 80s nostalgia gradually began to dominate the cultural landscape since then, resulting in the obvious and pathetic That 80s Show (2002) and continuing into the present (take a look at last year’s Hot Tub Time Machine, or the upcoming remake of Footloose).

The general rule of thumb is that the quality of nostalgic references and programming, etc. declines as time goes by. Look at how 70s nostalgia started with the syndication of Fernwood Tonight and slowly degenerated into That 70s Show. Or the gradual decline from Freaks and Geeks to Hot Tub Time Machine and corny references on commercials. There are a few exceptions: The Sandlot, The Wonder Years, and Back to the Future were all fine vehicles for 60s nostalgia that arrived late in the 80s; and the craptacular That 80s Show arrived toward the beginning of the 80s nostalgia phenomenon.

I love the 80s as much as the next person, but 80s nostalgia has just about run its course: I can’t remember the last time I saw an 80s cultural reference that didn’t seem really forced and lame (have you seen any commercials lately?). As with other decades, it will probably take the emergence of 90s nostalgia to gradually wash 80s nostalgia away. (It will probably still be a few years, but my point is that we need 90s nostalgia to usher in the change.)

So is 90s nostalgia really early-onset? The general rule of thumb is that nostalgia arrives from two decades back or so, and believe it or not Clarissa Explains it All and Doug both debuted 20 years ago, in 1991. Perhaps it’s fair to call nostalgia for Keenan and Kel a little premature (and we really should probably let that one age a few years) but for the most part 90s nostalgia is right on time. (All That was never really any good and no amount of nostalgic value can redeem it.) We need 90s nostalgia, not simply  for its own sake ― because a lot of aspects of 90s culture are so superior to the times we live in (compare Clarissa Explains It All or Blossom to, say, iCarly) ― but also so that 80s nostalgia can gradually be put to rest before it ruins one of my favorite decades.

Anxiety towards 90s nostalgia is perfectly understandable. It does seem odd that the 90s already seem like a wistful, long ago time, because so many of us that associate our childhood and/or adolescence with that decade haven’t reached anything resembling full-fledged adulthood yet (a key point in Ms. Goldman’s article). It may be that this is the reason that 90s culture returning in nostalgic form seems early-onset; not because it is premature, but because it seems like we haven’t left it yet in some ways. That’s the way that nostalgia works, though. It’s because we’ve never really stopped sympathizing with Clarissa that watching Clarissa Explains It All now engenders such tender, nostalgic feelings.

Another reason 90s nostalgia creates apprehension is the “What comes next?” factor. That is, how can anyone possibly be nostalgic for the 2000s? Personally, I’d prefer to think of the whole process starting over again in a way, with a futuristic 50s nostalgia permeating the cultural landscape: all digital touchscreen jukeboxes at retro-futuristic diners and hover-bike gangs…or something like that.

So, lament it if you must, but the time has come for 90s nostalgia. I suggest kicking back in a flannel shirt and/or your best Blossom hat (I like to mention Blossom), cracking open a Pepsi, and riding it out in style.

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Has Adam Sandler Become Incapable of Creating a Good Movie?

If it seems like it’s been about ten years since Adam Sandler was involved with a decent film, that is because it has. Remember the string of movies that Adam Sandler starred in during the late 1990s? Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, The Waterboy, The Wedding Singer, and even Little Nicky were all legitimately hilarious films that propelled the star into the Hollywood A-List.

Since the year 2000 though, his track record is much shabbier. Forgettable films such as ’50 First Dates,’ ‘Click,’ ‘Funny People,’  ‘Mr. Deeds’ and ‘Grown Ups’ mark his repertoire. ‘Spanglish’ serves as the lone bright spot for Sandler during this time, I think. Of course, the quality of these movies are, at the end of the day, determined by  one’s personal opinion. Apparently however,  Sandler’s latest movie has managed to unite all opinions into one unanimous consensus: “Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star” is a terrible, terrible movie.

This weekend at the box office, the movie earned a measly 1.5 million dollars. The apprehension in regards to actually paying money to see the film probably came from Rotten Tomatoes, where the film earned a 0 % approval rating on the ‘tomatometer.’ I’m not sure how many other films have received this dubious honor, but the only one I know of is “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever” so yeah….

For those that are interested, Bucky Larson stars Nick Swardson and Christina Ricci (I know right?).  Here is the official movie plot info from Sony:

“Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star is a new comedy starring Nick Swardson, Christina Ricci, Don Johnson, and Stephen Dorff. Bucky (Swardson) is a small town grocery bagger, going nowhere in life – until he discovers that his conservative parents were once adult film stars! Armed with the belief that he has found his destiny, Bucky packs up and heads out to LA, hoping to follow in his parents’ footsteps. — (C) Sony Pictures”

This article is now over because I G2g… Seeing Bucky Larson…BBL.

That afternoon, a story in The New York Times confirmed rumors that TeenNick, a division of Nickelodeon, was going to rebroadcast the shows that many of our circa 1990’s sleepovers revolved around. TeenNick’s decision was prompted by a dedicated group of interns that had tallied the number of Facebook fan groups and pages (containing nine million followers) and presented these findings to Nickelodeon. Combined with the viral YouTube videos of the old shows and blogs urging Nickelodeon to bring back the hits, the evidence was undeniable. The twentysomething contingent had a case of early on-set nostalgia, and Nickelodeon was well-positioned to capitalize on it.

My friends’ response to the news was alarming, but understandable. In college, our downtime included hours spent watching the GAS channel (short for Nickelodeon Games and Sports for kids), cheering for the Silver Monkeys on Legends of the Hidden Temple and betting on which contestant would make it to the top of the Agrocrag first as they competed on the show Guts. As our Senior year closed in on us, as we wrote our theses, scheduled job interviews, hunted online for apartments in New York City, polished our resumes and began trying to figure out how to actually put our degrees to use, our insistency and consistency of following our childhood shows and movies took on a new sense of urgency. They were our lifeline to a simpler time. As we trecked to Woodbury Commons to buy our first suits, we draped ourselves in the security blanket that we constructed out of our childhood shows. The world beyond graduation was unknown, but the obstacles on Guts would always remain the same, and so we watched it over, and over, and over.

Young adulthood has been a tumultuous time for every generation. Our grandparents fought wars before we had taken our first Intro to Psychology lecture in college. Our parents graduated in the midst of the first oil crisis, shifting roles of gender and race, and predominant pessimism towards government and big business. And what of us?

Generation Y — or is it Generation “i” ? — grew up amongst prosperity, optimism, and free-flowing information. At least those of us who grew up in the upper middle class suburbs were coddled, scheduled, and tutored. We were told to pursue our dreams and provided with a platform to actually follow them (if we could ever figure them out). Not surprisingly, as a result, Generation Y graduated college expecting not only six figure salaries, stable jobs and fulfilling lifestyles, but that the transition into adulthood would be as padded and comfortable as the sweatsuits we had lounged around in at our parents’ house over winter break.

Wrong. And so we became what is now referred to as the “Peter Pan Generation.” We live with our parents longer, and we are educated deep into our adulthoods. We are still on our parents’ health care plan, many of us are still seeing pediatricians, and a lot of us are financially supported by our parents, at least to some extent. In this constant state of child-like comforts, it makes sense for us to cling to cultural references from the 90’s. Thus leading to early on-set nostalgia, or as some might call it, regression.

I recently bought an iPhone case at a street fair that looks like a cassette tape. Its irony made me laugh, and in a way, having it in my bag reminds me that I am tied to a younger self that used to record songs off the radio station that I played on my boombox in order to make mix tapes for friends and crushes. In those days, I had to plan out when the song I wanted to record was most likely to be played on the radio, and sit patiently by my stereo waiting to hit the record button. Things happened more slowly then. They took more time. You could digest them better. 

So, what might appear to the world as Generation Y’s regression, is also a necessity in today’s rapidly changing landscape. The cassette grounds me in my past, allowing time to stand still for a few nanoseconds each day. It is a constant struggle to maintain pace with the bombardment of social, political and economic media newsbytes while simultaneously applying them to an established, meaningful context.

The speed at which information is available to us, and the responsibility we have to utilize it to create economic and intellectual returns is an incredibly daunting task. One could argue that due to the pace at which we acquire knowledge about everything, Generation Y has been given the ability to qctually grow up faster than our parents and grandparents. But developmentally, perhaps we just aren’t ready for the responsibility that comes with the availability of all that information. The result is a need to hold on to our childhoods even more. A certain subliminal pressure arises as a result of our ever-changing landscape, and the assumption that we will be the first to not only adapt to that change, but to figure out how to make it into a profitable iPhone app.

There is a sense of comforting procrastination in watching these shows. They offer not only a chance to zone out, but to go one step further than that – to zone out in 1995 – a blissfully ignorant state of pre-teen, pre-recession, pre-anxiety state of mind. This practice can be healthy up to a certain level. If we utilize those 25 minutes of giggling at Stick Stickly’s googely eyes and Doug’s Quailman antics to rejuvenate and refocus on tasks at hand when we return from 1995, there is no harm in a little regression. But for some, the trip back can become paralyzing. If the interlude becomes the sonata, and life becomes more about chasing what’s behind us rather than in front of us, we become the lazy, apathetic generation of our parents’ worst nightmares.

It’s difficult not to grasp for a piece of the past, especially in the light of the summer’s economic, apocalyptic news. And as the walls of the economy begin tumbling down around us, and as our parents urging to get a job is now desperate rather than encouraging, we will surely continue to grab on to the things we can find comfort in: Melissa Joan Hart’s wispy bangs and high top Doc Martens, Kenan & Kel’s “Welcome to Goodburger” skit, or the opening tune to Doug that we can still hum every note of. All of which we can watch on our cassette cover-clad iPhones while taking a lunch break at our desk and trying to figure out what we are supposed to do next.

It’s official: Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly have split up.

The pair had been dating for three years now and it seemed to just about everyone that the 31-year-old actress and 37-year-old Yankees superstar were very much in love and ready to settle down, maybe have a few gorgeous children with extreme amounts of talent. The baseball/somewhat obscure television world was rocked when reps confirmed the story to Page Six.

While the public is shocked, sources close to the couple have told the Post that it was at least six weeks coming. Even though Kelly was in company with Jeter’s family cheering him on when he became Mr. 3000 with his homerun hit on July 9, there was still some tension between the two.

According to one source, “They separated a couple of weeks ago. This has been hard. Like any relationship, breaking up is not easy. They were often apart because of work. They never lived together and were never formally engaged. She’s shooting in Miami and lives in LA, but she’s barely ever there.”

Kelly is currently shooting a TV remake of “Charlie’s Angels”, so understandably the long-distance relationship must be hard. Another source elaborated, saying, “He’s under a lot of pressure with the Yankees, is married to the team, and she’s working hard on a big TV show.”

Both Derek and Minka have been very mature about the whole thing. Though this is obviously recent news, there has so far been no bitter feelings splashed among tabloids or even any remarks passed to reporters. Any drama would further add to the stressful lives of both parties. After all, how could the Yankees have crushed the Athletics 22-9 on the 25th if Jeter was worried about bad press instead of getting his head in the game? And Kelly has been focusing on “Charlie’s Angels”, keeping close ties to her co-stars and a low profile in Florida. The rest of Hollywood should probably take note: this is what a breakup typically should be like when you respect the other person.

In other news, mass quantities of  women everywhere are suddenly extremely interested in baseball.

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Pressly Was Driving, Drunk!

I only know Jaime Pressly from her classic role in “Joe Dirt” where she plays a hot, white trash love interest. From the constant barrage of advertisements that ran when it released, I also know that she was a cast member from the show “My Name is Earl” where she played a character defined by Wikipedia as “unsophisticated trailer trash.” There was also “Not Another Teen Movie” where she played a hot, white trash esque cheerleader.

In January, she was arrested in California for driving with a BAC of 2.0. The legal limit is .8.  Today,  she pleaded no contest in court, and earned herself three years of informal probation, enrollment in an alcohol education class, and a breathalyzer lock on her car. She probably has like 4 cars though so that lock shouldn’t be an issue. Perhaps, the arrest was a publicity stunt in order to obtain more white trash roles. The economy is rough.

This was her mugshot/perfect head-shot for future WT roles.

photos courtesy of behindblondiepark.com and WENN.com

The Sesame Street Duo Will Remain Single, and Straight

Go to “change.org” and you will find a website devoted to fixing social injustice. A big chunk of the site is composed of petitions that users can sign as a way of voicing their opinions. One petition, specifically, has over six thousand people strong behind it. It is called “Let Bert and Ernie Get Married On Sesame Street.”

The idea behind the petition is that a marriage between the two puppets would help to show  young viewers that gay marriage is okay. Of course, the desire for the ‘couple’ to get married arises from the assumption that they are actually gay. I don’t understand why two guys can’t just live together as friends. Whatever happened to ‘just friends?!” On the other hand, Bert and Ernie do seem kind of gay at times (the shirts and sleeping in the same bed.)

‘Sesame Street’ cleared the air. They released a statement explaining how, “Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets™ do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

Personally, I think that it would have been a solid gesture for Sesame Street to have staged a wedding. On the other hand, I can see why they chose not to.  Hmmmmm.

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