Rebecca Black Takes Us Behind the Scenes – She’s an Actual Human, but We’re Still Gonna Rip on Her.

Breaking down Rebecca Black’s My Moment music video is much more fun than pretending we know what she’s like as a person…which she shows us in the behind-the-scenes video.

Alright. So everyone knows Rebecca Black has hit up the music industry again, and if you don’t, you should explore this site a little further; we’ve already got a few articles up about it in between the Murdoch scandal and something about Ghana lynching gays because they are trying so hard to compete with Somalia for the title of Most Fucked Up Nation.

Anyway.

So yeah, Rebecca Black. I’m going to walk you through the music video. Hover over the link and follow along if you’d like.

Rebecca Black – My Moment

We start out with RB gazing into the camera with a can-do face similar to the one you would see on The Little Engine That Could. She sings something about how the haters suck blah blah, she’s going to keep dreaming blah blah THIS IS HER MOMENT.

And then we’re blasted to Hollywood. She’s standing in a crowd with a microphone next to a girl with a confusing “Marry Me Justin” t-shirt on (0:41), jamming out to her own song. I paused it there to look around at Rebecca’s demographic. To your left, you have people who are probably in their twenties. One guy’s casually chilling with his hand in his pocket nodding to the rest of the crowd as if to say, “Yeah! This is her moment! I agree completely!” Then to your right, of course, you have the Justin Lover who clearly ended up at the wrong concert, but is still super happy to finally get out of the house. Up in the corner you have a hashtag with “MTVOMA”. I think this is a subliminal message saying that she’s going to be on MTV one day, but I don’t know what the “OMA” stands for. Whatever.

So far, no one’s dance moves can compete with these ones in Friday. Points deducted.

After that, she’s in a car waving to loyal fans on the street. It isn’t a limo, but still looks like it could be a cool suburban. She graduates to the limo later on, but we’ll get there. Anyway, these fans are now age-appropriate teenagers, clambering at the rolled down window in a way ravenous dogs would at meat. It’s kind of scary. Blah blah it’s her moment, she’s signing autographs blah blah at 0:49 she gets some kind of award that looks like a rock blah blah partying partying yeah blah….

Then she tells us that she’s waited for so long. Here’s where I’m calling bullshit because she’s 13. If she’s 13 and getting her moment, that’s relatively early. Shit, I’m 19 and now I feel like I should start catching up.

Anyway. Blah blah red carpet blah blah getting photographed with an adoring fan to show us that she’s still “down to earth”….Then she sees her face on the front page of the paper and immediately smiles directly at the camera to make sure we know it’s good news and not another form of media bashing her. 1:15-1:20 is 5 seconds of a totally awesome and not-at-all-awkward-or-cheesy montage involving bubbles and sweet dance moves. These sweet moves do rival these and these, also displayed in the awesome Friday video.

She gets her makeup done (but not really, she’s just kind of stroked with brushes whimsically for a little bit). Then she tells us we tried to be her friend but she wouldn’t let us since we talked massive amounts shit. She sneaks into an actual dance studio where she looks at real live dancers and this weird thing they do where they move their feet and twist and turn, which has so far been beyond her skill level. Blah blah she dances blah blah she’s getting her “paper” and telling us she’s doing things we’ve never dreamed of and then she’s magically transported (this time in a limo) to a theater. She never actually goes in, just stands outside of it and dances (kind of) on a red carpet. There’s a few paparazzi who are intent on capturing her every move. Then, they end the video letting us know it’s all staged because the director yells, “that’s a wrap” very loudly.

Fuck. I thought the adoring attention was real. That’s like telling me every documentary that ended up with an Oscar is fake. Or that The Hills is fake. Stop crushing my dreams, okay?

Alright, so I figured I covered everything, and I’m proud of you if you stuck with me through that dissection. Unfortunately, Rebecca feels differently. The star has released yet another video taking us behind the scenes of My Moment. She does a wardrobe fitting, there’s a lot of clothes and jewelry AND THEN SHE TELLS US SHE’S A DANCER.

She raves about the choreography and about being in magazines (as if all of this attention was positive). She stresses that she’s 13 and from Orange County, then she tells us bullying fucking sucks. But the inspirational message she’s ending with is that no one can stop her from singing.

I don’t know what to do with that particular video. It’s a little bit harder to make fun of an enthusiastic 13-year-old who is just happy about following her dreams. I kind of feel bad for everything I said about her video, but I’m not going to take it back because it’s all true. If you break it down, the video still isn’t that good and that’s just fact.

I have to give her a little credit, though. On a scale of one to shit, it’s not as bad as Friday. The lyrics have more depth. There’s a personal meaning behind it. Somewhere, someone might just enjoy it. It’s catchy and Auto-Tuned. One of the only drawbacks is that there’s no Fat Usher lookalike following her suburban/limo rapping about her. And it’s not as educational.

But in the behind-the-scenes video, we’re reminded that she’s an actual human being. Yes, she’s a tool for marketing and she’s not that great a singer, but she’s also only 13. She’s a lot happier with herself than she was when Friday came out and she’s basically telling us in every way possible that she’s here to stay, so fuck everyone.

Gawker viewers tell us that they think she’s a genuinely nice person. Someone even said they hoped she sticks around for a little bit. So I’ve decided I’m okay with her hanging around youtube. I would, however, like it if she stayed away from the radio. Although, I remember she told an interviewer once that she would love to do a duet with Justin Bieber. Everything Biebs touches ends up on the radio for some ungodly reason and he’s made it clear he can’t say “never”, so let’s just hope that doesn’t happen.

More on Rebecca Black:

Rebecca Black’s Bitchy New Song

Rebecca Black’s Catalytic Effect

More by Samantha Galasso:

Brad and Angie Getting Married Because Their Spawn Demands It.

Sean Hoare, Former News Corp. Employee, Found Dead in His Home

Crash Cab: Canada’s Game Show Accident Proves Fatal

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