You Bastard, Ryan Reynolds

The Green Lantern fails prematurely, leading me to think aimlessly

Damn it, I was rooting for this one. But the tomatometer does not lie. The Green Lantern has a critic’s rating of 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. If you’re like me, that means you won’t see it. It’s strange that something called a “tomatometer” can determine which movies I see and don’t see. Also strange that something called “Twitter” can lead to a Congressman’s resignation.

I was convinced The Green Lantern would fall under the category of movies like The A-Team and…wait, I can’t think of any more. That’s my point. I was hoping it’d be perfectly forgettable. I had planned to watch it on iTunes sometime next October when I was super hung over. Like Macgruber. I’m pretty sure I watched Macgruber when I was really hung over on iTunes one day in October. The fact that something called The Green Lantern can cost $150 million dollars to make and then fail miserably on a tomatometer, fail worse than something called Macgruber, is fascinating to me. Actually, there’s absolutely nothing fascinating about it.

Peter Sarsgaard is a great actor. That’s why they should have picked Nicholas Cage to play the villain in The Green Lantern. If they had marketed the Green Lantern as a perfectly forgettable Nick Cage film (every Nick Cage film except for Bad Lieutenant), it perhaps would have succeeded. Instead they tried to compete with X-men and Super 8. Great move, guys.

The bottom line is that Ryan Reynolds, Chris Evans, and Chris Pine all look exactly the same. I would have given Chris Pine more credit (Star Trek was bad ass) but then he signed up for a movie called Unstoppable that expects the viewer to find a train moving fast exciting/terrifying/suspense inducing. It didn’t work.

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