Three Cupcake Shows On Television: What’s A Girl To Do?

Three Cupcake Shows On Television: What's A Girl To Do?There are currently three cupcake shows on television today: Cupcakes Girls, DC Cupcakes, and Cupcake Wars. With all these cupcakes and only so much room on my DVR box, what’s a girl to do? As I would self-identify as a “Cupcake Girl,” that show already has an edge, but DC Cupcakes could be equally tantalizing. So many cupcakes, and no calories! That’s television programming my thighs can believe in! I’m about to cancel my membership at the local Curves gym, and head straight for the remote. The only question now is which show do I commit to? Where do I pledge my cupcake allegiance? With three savory options, this girl is going to have to deliberate for at least another several hundred words. Play along with me and try to pretend that after writing this article, I’m not going to DVR all three shows:

Cupcake Wars. I made my roommate DVR this show when there were no available episodes of DC Cupcakes. Up until I heard about Cupcake Wars, I only thought there was one cupcake show. You see, I hadn’t opened up my mind to reality television yet. At that moment I hadn’t realized that if I were to look at the TV Guide, I would develop the initial systems of “cupcake consciousness,” the equal part euphoric and frightening sudden realization that there is not one, not two, but three cupcake shows on cable television. The potential side effects of cupcake consciousness? Hunger, Sweet tooth, difficulty swallowing, speech problems, muscle pain. This could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Cupcake Wars was terrible. I just wasn’t feeling it. I’m not into the idea of competitive baking. But the fact that the competition includes cupcakes exclusively is making me have second thoughts. Should I wait a few more episodes to get tuned in? As this is the only cupcake show I’ve actually watched up to this point, my hopes for the other cupcake shows may be a tad optimistic, but the premise of this show is what I think makes it the weak link in the Cupcake Reality Television Trifecta. Also, the whole theme of wars in the title kind of goes against my pacifistic culinary ideology. I’m all for real wars, but there’s nothing worse than a food fight.

Cupcake Girls vs. DC Cupcakes. This match-up is all theory, but what it comes down to on paper is what do I prefer to watch, sisters or best friends? Both shows are about business partners who attempt to, in the words of WeTV, “build a cupcake empire.” I have to say it’s the preseason and Cupcake Girls looks like it still has the edge over DC Cupcakes. DC Cupcakes is a show about sisters running a cupcake bakery that’s turned into a big success. A show with sisters who are business partners definitely has dramatic potential, mixing business and family can certainly go sour, but not all sisters are Tia and Tamara. The TLC website isn’t really selling me on the show the way WeTV is selling Cupcake Girls. Now, if you’ve read my recent article about Sinbad: It’s Just Family, you may think I have a WeTV bias. Hey, maybe I do. Maybe I’ve finally treaded the waters on the ocean of insanity for too long, and now the undertow is about to pull me into a watery grave. Yes, perhaps I’ve developed a certain taste for Women’s Entertainment Television. But you know what? If I’m going to drown in a seedy back alley in the metropolis of pop culture, I’m drowning with cupcakes. One day my epitaph will read: “he was born a Jewish boy, but he died a Cupcake Girl.”

WeTV sold me on Cupcake Girls in their website description of the show. I’m very excited to join the Cupcake girls on a “hectic an often hilarious journey.” They promise real drama, and they end the description with that great philosophical question, one that’s been asked by philosophers from Plato to Wittgenstein: “can women in business have their cupcakes and eat them too?” Bad puns are the fabric of nightmares, and also the perfect bait to catch a silly fish like yours truly. Ladies and gentlemen, the verdict is in, I’m hooked to Women’s Entertainment TV, but there’s always room for more cupcakes.

Three shows, one brain, two teenage libidos. Stayed tuned, it’s going to get sticky.

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