Pauly D to Sign 3-Album Deal with 50 Cent, Contract Extension with Devil
Noted post-structural theorist/Jersey Shore cast member Pauly D is a professional DJ in whatever constitutes his “spare time.” Apparently he is good enough/not-so-horrible-that-it’s-embarrassing that he has not only scored an MTV spin-off about his spinning career, but he is also about to obtain a record deal from 50 Cent’s G-Unit label.
TMZ is reporting (a clause I always hate to type) that D and Cent (God, if they collaborate and call themselves D-cent I am seriously going to freak out) are “dangerously close” to finishing up a three album deal. Insert breathless Tumblr rant about the death of modern culture and mainstream music.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Pauly D, on the same musical label as ‘Bang Em Smurf’ and ‘Sha Money XL’? What has this once great establishment come to???”
Well, the deal isn’t done yet, but it’s nearing reality. Quoth the gossip rag: “50 and Pauly have even started to kick around ideas for people Pauly can collaborate with.” Might I suggest an ESL teacher?
Some might say that 50 Cent’s cultural moment is over (mostly those of you without Twitter), and others might pipe in that Pauly D is almost certainly nearing the end of his (mostly those of you without patience for reality television stars desperately latching on to any source of fame or notoriety following the collapse of their original stardom’s source). Artists of lesser musical talent than DJ Pauly D have scored record deals from reality shows (remember William Hung?) and apparently Pauly has some chops.
Still, I have little doubt that this is more of a strategic move by 50 Cent than an investment in the musical prestige of his G Unit, and I would be very surprised if it didn’t make both gentlemen lots, and lots, and lots of money.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go console 10,000 NYU dropouts in Williamsburg.
Follow us on twitter@thefastertimes
- 1 First Openly Straight Figure Skater Comes Forward
- 2 Brooklyn Man Now Living Entirely Off Own Beard Garden
- 3 “Cra Cra” Now Official Diagnosis in New DSM (DSM-5)
- 4 OfficeMax Marketing Director Struggling to Make Staplers ‘Sexy’ and ‘Conversational’
- 5 Homeless Guy Woos Silicon Valley VCs with Low-Tech Crowdfunding Startup
- 6 Area Man Tailors Life To Be More Relevant To His Hulu Advertisements
- 7 Fan Banging Furiously on Glass Could Be the Difference in Hockey Playoffs
- 8 Survey: 88% of Eagles Fans Too Drunk To Spell Nnamdi Asomugha Last Season
- 9 Local Mom Won’t Stop Being First Person to Like Every Goddamn Thing Son Posts to Facebook
- 10 Shaq Confident He Will Eventually Make Funny Quip on TNT