Kevin Federline Owes Back Taxes: K-Fed Returns!

Kevin Federline owes back taxes. According to TMZ, Federline was “slapped with a federal tax lien to the tune of 17,969.81.” Bad news for K-Fed. Good news for me. Oh shucks, I’m not ashamed to say it. I miss Kevin Federline. And even though this sucks for Kevy, I sure am glad to see his name grace an entertainment news article.

Kevin Federline is one of the greatest unnecessary celebrities of all time. I feel like the paramour of celebrity-celebrity has been replaced entirely by reality television stars. There are so many unnecessary celebrities now with their own television shows, that no one cares who Lady Gaga is making whoopee with.

One of the best things about Kevin Federline is how fat he can get. It’s like his superpower. When absolutely necessary Kevin Federline can get extremely fat. It’s truly beautiful. Unfortunately I was unaware of his tenure on Celebrity Fit Club while it was happening. If I had known during the taping I would have picketed and pleaded with Kevin to stay fat. Do I have an agenda to keep fat people fat? Now I do. Keep the fat people fat. Keep America American. America was built on fat people and tabloids. Don’t you guys remember reading about Washington’s tryst with Hancock in the thicket in the August 1776 Star Magazine? What about Richard Henry Lee’s How I Survived Continental Congress: A Patriotic Lesson In Orgy Endurance.

Seriously though, when fat people and tabloids come together beautiful things happen. No, not Oprah when she gets bigger. Listen, Oprah may have that superpower too but she’s also famous for other stuff. Let’s let K-Fed have his moment in the limelight. He had lots of sex with Britney Spears and can get fat when absolutely necessary. Because of these two things Kevin Federline is an American hero. God bless you Mr. Federline! You may owe Uncle Sam back taxes, but you don’t owe America anything.

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