New un-altered outtakes from the W magazine photo shoot in which Madonna met her baby Jesus have just surfaced and they’re not all too flattering to either the material girl or her new boy toy. Madge is definitely looking every millisecond of her 51 years in this shot, sporting whiskers and an old lady scowl that would make a nun proud. Moreover, where’s her neck? Did it collapse under the weight of her giant noggin? Plus, I’m not sure if the whole Joan Crawford thing she’s got going on here is intentional or not, but either way the only thing her mug could inspire these days is major shrinkage and speaking of shrinkage…apparently this kid’s named baby Jesus for a reason.
Now I know she’s 51 years old and everyone inevitably succumbs to the ravages of aging, but she continues to strut her brittle hollow bones around as if she’s still the sex bomb and at this point it’s more than a tad revolting. In general, there’s just something obscene about all these comically airbrushed images of older female celebrities we’re bombarded with on a daily basis. In an attempt to extend their careers and remain relevant to younger audiences, these women hide their true appearance with massive amounts of plastic surgery, pancake make-up and Photoshop. Of course, it’s always been that way to an extent, but nowadays it’s past the point of ridiculousness. I mean back in the day, the older gals of Hollywood didn’t waste their time competing with kids about who’s got the tightest ass. No way man, they were playing dowdy mothers on sitcoms or maybe starring in the occasional Love Boat!
I’m not saying that people should just give up on trying to look their best when they get older, but all the Pilates in the world ain’t gonna turn back the clock. At some point you’ve got to accept the fact that you’re getting old. Some people try to rationalize their fixation on youth and looking younger as some kind of empowering thing, that’s how that whole “cougar” movement began, as a way of saying “hey I’m a fossil, but I’m still sexual, and powerful and attractive.” Well hell, I agree, why throw in the towel if you’ve still got game? But is it necessary to physically change your appearance through surgery and smoke and mirrors in order to do so? On top of all of this, I’m sick and tired of watching all these aging women play out their insecurities in the public eye. Everyone’s insecure – keep it to yourself already! As far as I’m concerned, this whole cougar movement in Hollywood is simply being used as a way of extending people’s careers which have already taken up entirely too much of our time. Courtney Cox? Are you kidding me? Haven’t we had enough of her? Do you mean to tell me 10 years of her on “Friends” wasn’t enough for you?
Now I know many women might say that it’s MEN who are the ones responsible for these women altering their faces and bodies, that they feel pressure to change their appearance in order to be able to work or even attract a partner, but I disagree – these women are getting off on it. It’s not about the men, it’s about THEM. The sad truth is, all of that plastic surgery doesn’t make any of them look better, just different and in most cases just… odd. As I was watching the Golden Globes the other day, it was like looking at Madame Tussauds wax museum.
We’re all busy dying people, and everyone winds up looking like a raisin (if they’re lucky that is), it’s all part of being human. To everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season and a time to accept your sagging ass.
Branwyn Lancourt
Just your average, ordinary, every day malcontented misanthrope. My disdain for the current state of popular culture permeates my very core. Hence, I feel obligated to tug on your coat about it until you’re just as nauseated as I am. ...
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