Megan Fox Says the Craziest Things

Megan Fox is fast losing her appeal for me.

Seems like every tabloid’s got a photo of Megan Fox on the cover these days.  Her ascension has been relatively swift, and pretty soon she could achieve veritable A-list status. Still, I advise her to watch out. Sure Megan Fox is pretty cute in an ultra conventional sense, and being heir apparent to Angelina Jolie does add a bit of context and credibility to her career. But whenever she opens her mouth to speak I get some major shrinkage.

Megan Fox’s latest ponderous nugget blabbed to Wonderland magazine makes me wonder if she’s trying to cultivate the crazy.

Megan Fox states:

I basically read every book ever written about Marilyn Monroe. I could end up like that because I constantly struggle with the idea that I think I’m a borderline personality-or that I have bouts of mild schizophrenia. I definitely have some kind of mental problem and I haven’t pinpointed what it is.

Apparently in addition to her middling acting ability, Megan Fox is also an amateur psychiatrist. I think I can help her out though as far as a diagnosis is concerned. In my expert opinion I strongly believe she may be suffering from “wacky hot chick syndrome.” This unfortunate condition establishes itself in extremely attractive women who’ve become so bored with life due to the ludicrous indulgences afforded to them based solely on their mega hotness that they start spouting off-putting and bizarre statements in a subconscious attempt to deflect attention away from their appearance, and shift the focus to their brains.

Sadly, most wacky hot chicks are cerebrally deficient so this misguided effort usually never works.

If one should require any more evidence that Ms. Fox suffers from this debilitating syndrome, they need only check out the following quotes she’s made to the press in recent years:

Red Carpet Golden Globes 2009

I am pretty sure I am a doppelganger for Alan Alda. I’m a tranny. I’m a man. I’m so painfully insecure. I’m on the verge of vomiting now. I am so horrified that I am here, and embarrassed. I’m scared.

GQ, October 2008

If you eat Chinese food, your farts come out like Chinese food. If you eat Mexican food, your farts come out like Mexican food. And milk, it’s like-you can smell the warmth in the fart. My wardrobe on Transformers always smells like farts, and I have no idea why.

Esquire, June 2009

I think people are born bisexual and the make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society.  I have no question in my mind about being bisexual.  But I’m also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who is bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I’d never sleep with a girl who had slept with a man.

GQ Man of the Year Event 2008

Zac Efron is my obsession, we’re the same person. We’re not actually here, it’s like Janet and Michael Jackson. He just puts on his wig and a dress, and it’s me, and you don’t know that. It’s one of the greatest mysteries of all time.

Need I say any more?

Of course, there’s always hope for Foxy. After all, her predecessor Angelina was a colossal whack-job before she started adopting babies
and acting like Mother Theresa. Who knows, she may yet be able to turn it all around …

…or not.