Sarah Palin is on a personal mission to make mince meat of little Levi Johnston. According to inside sources, a great deal of her new book “Going Rogue: An American Life,” is dedicated to discrediting his post-election revelations by claiming he’s a twerpy opportunist, just looking to make a buck off of the Palin brand name. Levi was unavailable for comment as he is currently holed up at his local gymnasium working out furiously for his upcoming photo spread for Playgirl Magazine. I suppose when the time comes, he’ll let his penis do his talking for him.
As to what will make up the remaining content of Sarah’s tome, various rumors have been buzzing about the internets. Some say there will be a large coloring book section, where artistic conservatives can channel their inner Pablo Picassos. Others swear that it’ll be chock full of tasty recipes including Palin family favourites like braised wolf heart and bear balls teriyaki. Still more believe it will simply be a fun pop-up book! Whatever it actually turns out to be, I just hope they have an audio version up and ready to go, as it’s pretty obvious a large percentage of Palin supporters have “limited” reading skills.
As one would expect, pre-order sales have been through the roof for this thing, in fact the release date had to be pushed up it was in such demand! Many prominent political celebrities are looking forward to it as well. For instance it’s purported that Rush Limbaugh can’t wait to get his hands on it, as his favourite magazine “Beaver, Guns and Pills” has recently gone under due to the poor economy and he’s been looking for some spankin’ fresh masturbatory material. Rushie isn’t the only one all gung ho about its release either, it’s even been reported that Vladimir Putin has reared his head on Amazon to procure himself an advance copy.
As one would expect, the launching of this book is not without its controversy. Some evangelicals worry that it will replace the Bible as the Christian Right’s favourite work of fiction. Like John Lennon once claimed (happy birthday!!!), she could become more popular than JESUS!! I wouldn’t worry though, Jesus is a perennial, he gets even better looking as he gets older and you know in show business, it’s all about appearance. Sarah may look all hot and stuff in her little red track suit jacket, but she’ll never be able to rock the sandals like Jeebus.
Honestly, I’m looking forward to buying a few copies. In case the price of oil gets too high this winter, I’m going to need some kindling to keep me warm, and firewood is too expensive, plus I have to admit I am a fan of bear balls teriyaki. I also like the cover photo an awful lot, it’s so evocative. I can’t stop staring at her amidst those swirling storm clouds, looking off thoughtfully into a new horizon. I really think it would make a lovely addition to my dartboard.
Her face is just so…so…dart-able!
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